it's a friday

Today is my sister's birthday and this morning, at 6 am, i was waken up by my mom. One of my uncles has passed away in his sleep early this morning, probably before dawn. Don't worry ladies, i'm fine. I haven't seen him for ages, although he's my mom's step-brother. It's still sad, and shocking. He was diagnosed with blockage in his coronary arteries some time last year but he was slowly recovering. But suddenly, he's gone.
Like ping said, when a person heals miraculously fast, normally it hints something bad is on its way. But someone who complains all the time about the pains, that person usually still has a long way to go.
My mom is in labuan now. I'm taking a day off tomorrow so i can stay back in tutong, fetching my brother and niece from school.

Sometimes, i find it a bit sorry because my generation doesn't know those elders from my parents' or grandparents' generations well. There are lots of times when i meet some people, who they know well about my parents or elders in my family but i have no idea how to address them at all. For me, that is not polite. Or sometimes i know who they are but i simply don't know how we are related, so most of the time, i can only smile, as sweet and polite as i can.

A vocational school is looking for a daily-paid instructor. I know, i've said it that i don't want to teach. But now, i'm applying for it. Hmm.. that's life i guess. I have to be 'flexible', do the right thing at the right time. It's a chance after all. Who knows, it might turn out that i enjoy teaching, since i've always longed for someone to share those amazing facts i've learnt. Hope i can get it.

At the moment, i'm thinking of getting a new car. We're short of one car at home. I know my sister and brother have been expecting me to buy a new car since long time ago but i've been procrastinating about it. Because i think what we needed was not a new car, we just needed to be more cooperative and share the cars.
Now i see the need of another car. I'm thinking of getting a second hand one, so i can save more money, with a shorter duration of loans. But both my sister and dad think i should get a brand new car. I don't understand. Does new car always the synonym for less or no problem?
My main problem is, i don't have any preference when it comes to car. Oh maybe just 1, i don't like to have big cars, because big cars mean more money to me. I want a car which i'm confident enough with the loans.

Eversince i start to share the family expenses, i realized how easily money can be spent. I'll try every way i can to minimize spending. Thank god i have spare money when my corolla car needed serious repair last time. Hmm.. i'll buy based on primary needs, not secondary needs..

Swait Zin, if you're reading this, i have one question for you: WHERE is our photos taken at Capers last time??

*blank*

I had my facial this evening. It was painful. I did facial mask for two consecutive nights just before today and still, that didn't help. My beautician said i should've done that more regularly. It's either very good quality mask once in a while or over-the-counter masks but few times a week. The best is use it daily but.. what about my money?? >_<

Yeah, i have learnt that nothing comes free. Be it skin, health, weight, money, study, work, etc.. you want it, work hard for it.

I'm trying to cut down on my food intake. Been eating lots lately and of course, gained a few kg. I want to feel fit again. I started on this monday.. or last sunday to be exact. So far so good. Keep it up! Ganbate kudasai!

Thanks mimi and mama for your comments to my last post *hugs*

I notice i'm quite interested at those nutrition-related vacancies. Maybe because i love food and i have personal experiences with weight issues.

Recently i'm quiet, because i'm thinking. A lot of things going on in my mind. Will i age pre-maturely??
I'm thinking of learning accounting. One day i might open a shop or start a small business. I think accounting is important. I always have this dream of opening my own cafe or small eatery. The food and drinks i sell will be healthy and delicious, if possible, organic produce. And most of it will be homemade types of dieshes. I'll have nutritious soup and healthy dessert every day. Perhaps all the produce will be own-grown. Wow!

I want to be nice to quite a few people because they deserve to be loved. I hope the day will come soon when i can do what i've always wanted to do. Yes, it will come. I just need to be patient and be alert with any chance coming my way. I hope i'll remember this thought by the time i have the ability and i pray that all those people will be still around too.

gong xi fa chai, byebye

Chinese new year is over now. This year i wasn't active in house-hopping. I was too preoccupied with finding time to rest. I've been feeling exhausting recently. Sometimes i wonder why am i tired, because most of the time, it's not for my own matters.
I've always dreaded driving and now i have to drive 6 days a week to brunei muara district. 5 days for work and on friday, i end up being the one who send my niece to her music school. I always notice at the music school that most of the kids go there with their grandparents, uncles/aunties or maids. Very seldom a kid will be seen there with his/her parents.
I always wonder who is the one who wish the kid to take up music classes. Parents? Kids themselves? In most cases i've come across, it's the parents. If i don't send my kids there, they'll be left behind other kids. That's the thought of many parents. Would i end up thinking that way too next time?? At my stage now, i'd wonder why should a parent compare his/her kids with other kids.

I've decided to put my plan for master degree to a halt. I've been struggling for months to decide whether to continue study or get a job. It's really stressful for me. People around me think i should continue. WHy not, since i'm eligible? I've been thinking about my mom's wish too, whether she wishes to have a child of her studying oversea.
I'm very glad that i managed to go to the education fair at The Empire with mimi and ana. I've had enough of dealing with it alone. No one to discuss with, no one to go with whenever i attended any education fair or career talks. Also no one to guide me with the procedures and getting the forms. There are times i'd get pissed off, thinking no one is being helpful. Why aren't those people who encourage me to go abroad help me with the process? Sometimes i hate getting the answer 'up to you'. It's been years and years that i wish someone elderly could give me instructions, or at least a suggestion for next step.

In the end, i decided not to continue studying and i feel at ease immediately. I thought of lots of problems if i go oversea. Like, who will take over my responsibility at home? Who will help my mom with the family expenses? Who will look after fook's study? Who will help my mom with the kids when my sis is busy? A lot of who will this and that..
Honestly speaking, those are not problems. They're just excuses. A master degree has never appeared in my future plan, until i started to realize it's not easy to get a job now, until everyone start telling me with the result i have, i should go for it.But actually, i have never liked the idea of depending on scholarship. I don't like to be bonded at this stage. I know it's a great sum of money to study oversea and i probably would never be able to do that without the help from the government. BUt i just don't like it.

Now, after making the decision, my mind finally can calm down and a lot of things become obvious. People like me, if i want, i would never have hesitated for so long. It's hard to get employed but since i've started on it, i'm not going to give up until i get one. I believe there are chances out there and it depends on whether i manage to grab it or not.
So, i'm not going to send in the scholarship form, not going to ask for extension of my contract. I want to leave myself with no other options. So that i can start getting serious about job application and job interviews.