my first post at 20 yrs old :p

it's been a while since my last post...what to do..whenever i think of posting something up..all i can think of is the unhappy stuffs...so i just forget about it lah...

but not all are bad things lah..like on my birthday, i realised that a lot of people remember my birthday...which made me shed tears..and i got my digital cam...which i know i'm too careful when using it..so far..i never bring it out with me...i'm soo scared to cause any damage to it..
my aunt jennie bought me a birthday cake for surprise..and my uncle hua bought KFC meals here...another aunt bought pirated champaign here also..
but..i was disappointed at the end of that day...because nothing at all from someone i adress as father...he was back 2 weeks before my birthday..but gone again on my birthday...wonder are we still in his heart...
and i learnt that...i hate him..i despise him..everything i feel towards him...is just indirectly pointing out that...i still want this father...still haven't completely given up hope in him...how sad..

exam is coming in another 4 weeks time...a bit stress...because this time i'm going to have geo exam...that's a headache...i don't know how am i going to get through it...it's not something which i can bluff or make up my own theory...too unfamiliar with it...but i know i still have to study for it...i'll just be ready for gaining weight lor..:p

my dear is supposed to be back today from sibu..but because of the rain..he'll only be back tomorrow...miss him...but...still ok ok lah...i guess because it's not the first time he went back to sibu liau kua...so..not so lovesick like last time..

i like rain..but not at night time..sleeping in a stormy or rainy night makes me insecure...as if i can end up in complete darkness at any time...

i have that difficulty to speak up in class lah...i hate myself for being so chicken...but it's so hard to break through...haih...i guess it's the 'perfectionist' in me kua..so afraid to make mistakes in front of people i'm not familiar with...must find a way to overcome it...