today..qing ming festival

not a good day for me...because....:)

exam is coming soon...a lot of deadlines have to meet...it's kind of typical of the uni life...by this time of the semester, a lot of people will be stress out...or exhausted...

i wish i could go back to the past..and stay there...don't wish to grow up...because life is so complicated...or..i should say..the social life is so complicated...what you see is not always true...everything between 2 persons can be so vulnerable...so fragile...

what's the point of being together when all each person tries to do is to get back on the other person?
i'm not a good daughter...tit for tat seems to be the most common behaviour in my family...am i old enough to have a say?? do i have the ability to change the situation?

my armour is always off me when i'm with people i trust..who i'm close with....but too much trust sometimes end me up with injury...

i have been selfish and self-centred lately...or maybe for quite a while..is it really my work load of study or is it myself that makes me lose track of what's going on in my family, what my other friends are doing...what my family is doing...i'm so preoccupied with my study...
i learnt that long working hours don't suit me...one of the reasons why i think i don't have a doctor's personality....i'm not giving enough...my family is my priority...that's including my husband and children next time....i won't spend time on the whole world if i can't make sure people i love are in good enough condition..i won't have time to care if the world is peaceful if my own home is not peaceful...i don't mind if i don't have much outstanding achievement in my career...but i mind a lot when i can't catch up with my family's life...
for me..my ultimate career will be a housewife...or a good grandmother..
i never plan to work oversea...unless it's representing brunei..or following my husband...for me...i've been using the government's money since secondary school....so...i'll feel guilty if i don't contribute anything to the country...though i never plan to work with the government...as long as i'm still in my country, i can do something...plus i'm used to the pace of life here...i'll probably get suffocated if i live in singapore or new york...
i believe i'll have big financial problem without the student allowance...tsk tsk tsk...too dependent on government..