lizzy's gone back to calgary.. i'm missing her already today... then i realized no matter how many times she comes back and leaves.. i'll still have that urge to cry when she's leaving.. so it's a wise decision that i'll only send her off at the airport on the first time.. crying at public places is something i don't like to do..

i'm a very very lazy person.. i like to swim.. wish to learn dancing and yoga.. but.. everytime i'll tell myself and others that i need to o all the way to bandar to learn those.. the nearest place will be jpmc i think.. so i'll leave it till i work in bandar.. by that time i'd have no financial problem regarding those.. come to think of it.. maybe i'm just lazy... with the monthly allowance i'm getting.. i should have enough money to pay for those.. i just.. don't like to drive.. perhaps the first thing i should do is hire a driver :p

i just came back from miri yesterday...spent quite a lot on books and magazines.. felt very excited the moment i found out that i can buy those books from taiwan at Popular bookstore in miri.. bought 2 books about beauty and keeping fit.. then magazines.. oh i love the free bag that comes with the FEMALE this month.. it's soo lovely... can't wait to use it.. too bad it's not big enough to be my school bag.. i usually bring quite a lot of stuffs to school.. so i need a big bag... besides, i've got a new school bag.. bought it together with nining.. we're going to use the same school bags..

reading those two books i bought really inspired me a lot.. it suddenly became clear to me that i should work on my mind first before i try all means to lose weight.. another thing i learnt is.. no matter how much fatter i've become.. i should never stop to dress up.. never give up on keeping a good look.. confidence seems to be the key factor in deciding whether the person can win or lose the battle with weights.. what i love about the books is.. they teach us to do little change in our life that can bring a huge benefits in long term..
for the last few weeks.. there will be days when i got really depressed about my weight.. till i didn't even want to step out of my house.. from now on.. i'll try to get rid of those negative thoughts..

i think i should have a change about my attitude in life.. i need more tolerance with things or people i don't like.. need to be more tactful in talking.. i can have very bad manner at times... and lose patience easily... i think i should start to appreciate more the things i have.. and be more helpful.. less selfish.. more open-minded...

hm.. can't wait to go back to uni..

mama.. i've thought about closing the blog too.. long time ago.. ever since i realized i have more readers than i intended to have.. but don't think i'll really do that... maybe because this blog can more or less help me to keep in touch with you guys... we seldom meet now.. even if meet.. it's hard to have heart-to-heart talk.. and i'm not used to say things out easily now.. so... i'll just keep this blog...
but it's getting harder for me to blog... actually keeping a diary is good.. i can write it at any time, anywhere.. but to carry it with me wherever i go.. it's a bit risky..

handed in the tasek merimbun report yesterday.. feel relaxed.. feel like.. now i can really enjoy my holiday.. miss hanging out with my girlfriends too.. and i managed to meet nining during last week.. erm.. i'm not an initiative person.. so i'm really glad that most of my friends are :)

when i was doing my report... i told dear that i love doing research.. and write about it.. but in real life.. it's not easy.. i know... to do a research.. i need a fund.. and i probably have to do a lot of things.. going through lots of procedures to get the fund....and many other problems faced by a researcher which i can't think of now... but i really hope i can get a quiet job next time..

i'm getting broke these days.. overspent.. and the worst part of it is.. i couldn't keep track of where did i spend my money... except for the obvious one.. like my skin care products.. the catering in merimbun.. must be those small small stuffs that make me lose track..

and now.. i'm trying to lose weights... i've gained a few kilos during the last sem.. i know i shouldnt mind too much about the scale.. but now.. it's not longer just the scale.. i look bigger too now *sniff *sniff...
sometimes i think it's a bit amusing... back in my secondary years.. less than a decade ago.. i never bothered about my weight.. i was more anxious about getting indulgement in food i love.. but now.. i cried over the extra kiloes i gained.. or the 1 or 2 sizes i grow.. i'll get very depress about it... and lose motivation in everything.. thank god it only took one one day to recover.. maybe because i got the report to think about..
so for my mood's sake.. for my health's sake.. i mustn't gain any more weights.. i must lose some weights.. i'm not too ambitious i guess.. i just wish to stay below 60kg.. if i can accomplish that.. erm... hopefully by that time.. i can afford to buy that pair of heels i've been targetting since last 2 months..
reading those weight loss tips from experts becomes a comfort for me.. and i feel better when i make healthy choice about food.. hehe that's the reason why i choose escapade to lunch with lizzy and josh tomorrow.. josh is soooo busy... i wish he can reduce his workloads...

recently.. it's not very peaceful.. people lost at sea.. people passed away.. people got raped on highway... murdering... and this week.. even the weather isn't peaceful.. it can turn windy at any time... and everywhere people talk about global weather crisis.. this kind of things.. always make me feel unsecure.. and i tend to avoid reading about it.. which is not a good way to deal with it.. i can only force myself to be more updated about it..