gong xi fa chai, byebye

Chinese new year is over now. This year i wasn't active in house-hopping. I was too preoccupied with finding time to rest. I've been feeling exhausting recently. Sometimes i wonder why am i tired, because most of the time, it's not for my own matters.
I've always dreaded driving and now i have to drive 6 days a week to brunei muara district. 5 days for work and on friday, i end up being the one who send my niece to her music school. I always notice at the music school that most of the kids go there with their grandparents, uncles/aunties or maids. Very seldom a kid will be seen there with his/her parents.
I always wonder who is the one who wish the kid to take up music classes. Parents? Kids themselves? In most cases i've come across, it's the parents. If i don't send my kids there, they'll be left behind other kids. That's the thought of many parents. Would i end up thinking that way too next time?? At my stage now, i'd wonder why should a parent compare his/her kids with other kids.

I've decided to put my plan for master degree to a halt. I've been struggling for months to decide whether to continue study or get a job. It's really stressful for me. People around me think i should continue. WHy not, since i'm eligible? I've been thinking about my mom's wish too, whether she wishes to have a child of her studying oversea.
I'm very glad that i managed to go to the education fair at The Empire with mimi and ana. I've had enough of dealing with it alone. No one to discuss with, no one to go with whenever i attended any education fair or career talks. Also no one to guide me with the procedures and getting the forms. There are times i'd get pissed off, thinking no one is being helpful. Why aren't those people who encourage me to go abroad help me with the process? Sometimes i hate getting the answer 'up to you'. It's been years and years that i wish someone elderly could give me instructions, or at least a suggestion for next step.

In the end, i decided not to continue studying and i feel at ease immediately. I thought of lots of problems if i go oversea. Like, who will take over my responsibility at home? Who will help my mom with the family expenses? Who will look after fook's study? Who will help my mom with the kids when my sis is busy? A lot of who will this and that..
Honestly speaking, those are not problems. They're just excuses. A master degree has never appeared in my future plan, until i started to realize it's not easy to get a job now, until everyone start telling me with the result i have, i should go for it.But actually, i have never liked the idea of depending on scholarship. I don't like to be bonded at this stage. I know it's a great sum of money to study oversea and i probably would never be able to do that without the help from the government. BUt i just don't like it.

Now, after making the decision, my mind finally can calm down and a lot of things become obvious. People like me, if i want, i would never have hesitated for so long. It's hard to get employed but since i've started on it, i'm not going to give up until i get one. I believe there are chances out there and it depends on whether i manage to grab it or not.
So, i'm not going to send in the scholarship form, not going to ask for extension of my contract. I want to leave myself with no other options. So that i can start getting serious about job application and job interviews.