i am back!

Oh Gosh! I love Melbourne. Wish to go there again. I always like cities where walking or public transport is part of the daily life. I really don't like driving. It's so environmental-unfriendly and tiring!

To Swait Zin, transport in Melbourne may be expensive for you, but it's FREE for me! i didn't spend a single cent on transport. When out with my colleagues, we used the city tram, which is a free service. Then to and back from the conference, the government has hired a driver for us, which made me feel a bit erm.. embarassing? Now everyone at the conference knows how much pampered we are. Then when i was out alone, i'd just walk. I love walking around, at my own pace. That's when i got to relax and enjoy myself in Melbourne. I spent 3 to 4 hours walking around the city centre on my last evening there. It was fantastic!

Come to think of it, food is not that expensive too because the portion is HUGE! But water is definitely expensive there. $3.50 for a 500ml bottled mineral water.

I really like the life there. When people are working, they really work. When they've finished work, they really enjoy themselves. I'm so inspired by the people i met at the conference. They really know their stufss well. Everyone just seemed so efficient. I will work my way to become one of them one day. I met a number of nice people and made 2 new friends, Louisa from South Africa and Alex from Sydney.

Erm.. let's don't talk about too much about the conference here or i'm going to end up saying lots of inappropriate things. Overall, this trip is eye-opening for me about many things, both good and bad.

The lesson of my trip? I want something more out of my life and i'm going to work for it!
Haha, hope i can keep this motivation going.

I am aware that, the fact that i am so new yet so lucky has irritated some people at work place. Hm.. i can't do anything about it. That is life, you don't get what you want all the time but i believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe it's even more annoying for those people to know that i got the chance effortlessly. Somehow, i got it. It's unbelievable for everyone, including myself. I don't like an unplanned trip but i still had to go.
To be honest, i didn't look forward to the trip. Now i'm glad i got the chance. It makes me realize that how insufficient my knowledge is, as a teacher, as a Bruneian and as a fresh graduate. It also brings me to think twice about my future, makes me more willing to step out from my comfort zone.

I know i'm lucky. So? That doesn't make me stronger or better than anyone else. Ok i might sound ungrateful. But do they really think being lucky is a good thing? It may be but for me, that also makes me less capable, as in less capable in getting what i want with my own hands. It's just so easy for me to take things for granted. Sometimes i really think myself is so vulnerable because i have never gone through real hardship. Not that i ask for it but how am i going to grow up without any of it? I feel insecure when my life is so good and perfect. I want to be tough, to be independent, to be able to take care of myself without any help.
I feel hurt but i won't let it get to me for long. I know what i'm doing and i do things with my conscience. It can be depressing at times, when i don't know who i can trust at work place. Things are actually very simple yet people tend to make it become complicated. Why can't we just be more altruistic to each other? If animals like primates and insects can be altruistic, why can't we? We should feel happy for friends' achievement too. Maybe i'm just not a friend to them yet. People just seem to feel threatened when someone else is better than them, even me too sometimes. But why? is it because lack of self-confidence?

I'm glad that once in a while, i am able to pick on myself about my weaknesses. And i think the me now is more willing to face my shortcomings and not so afraid to ask for advices. Keep it up, Jocy!! Instead of worrying what i don't know, it's more sensible to find out how i can improve myself. hm.. i am thinking to re-learn japanese again. I wish one day i can speak to a nihon-jin in nihon-go. And i also hope one day, i'll ask question at a conference. I'm thinking, i'll give myself a few years time for this current job and see how i feel by then. This job is interesting but i don't think i want to stick to the same job for the rest of my life. I want to try out different things while i'm still young and energetic. I don't want to always just take whatever that comes my way. I want to be more initiative in the future. Well we'll see..