not a positive post

this is just the first month of year 2010 and yet, a lot of things have happened, especially in the past 2 weeks.
My grandpa was admitted to the hospital for almost 2 weeks, due to urinary problem. I went to the hospital every day after work, spent 2 to 3 hours there before heading home. I am the only one who can make him go to visit doctors so i think i have the responsibility to look after him, no matter how tired i am. At the same time, i had to keep explaining to my aunt and my dad that the doctor has made it very clear that this type of things happens to many elderly people and it takes time to heal. I don't like people who will suggest many things but no action taken and too bad, i have too many of these people in my family. Can't they think before they say anything? Or they simply thinks that someone will do it for them? anyway, i'm glad that my grandpa has been discharged last night.
Just when i thought i could finally catch some sleeps this morning, i was told that my father wanted us to bring my grandpa to the private clinic. Haih.. how can you get healed when you don't trust the doctor? Just to be practical, my grandpa is 67 this year.. how fast can you expect him to recover? Why can't they just be more patient? Ok fine, if it pleases them, i would bring. And i did. And, we just paid $5 to listen to the same kind of things said by the doctor at the hospital.
Then before we left tutong, my sister called. My nephew is admitted to the hospital due to asthma attacks and fever.
Oh gosh! I thought the hospital visiting was finally over!

Things have happened in the school recently too. As a student, i am always optimistic about my country. We have a wonderful Sultan, we have caring government and we have all those free or subsidized facilities. Now that i started to work, i'm afraid that i'm losing my optimism.
I found out that people here are too much pampered that they don't seem to realize how much they have. Lots of NATO (no action, talk only) people, lots of people who will do the minimum to get the maximum. Just because we're new and we're chinese, people can just dump all the works to us? I mean, works that no one else want to do. I don't want to believe it but my colleague has a point. Racism does exist in work place.

Do all Asians generally avoid conflicts? Or just us Bruneians? My malaysian colleague always says things don't work this way in Malaysia. I'm grateful i have someone senior and experienced like her sitting next to me. She sometimes will tell me how the work culture in the west malaysia is and from what she said, i understand why brunei is not progressing. We're taking things too easily, as if the whole world will wait for us.
I'm looking forward to a work culture where everyone can just give their opinions honestly and everyone is professional enough to realize that, whatever your colleagues comments on what you do, it's nothing personal. But here, people just take things too personal and try to play safe all the time. So it's common to see a difficult or less favoured task being kicked around all the time. Funny, when they don't want to do a thing, they never say it. They'd just say 'i don't know' or just be quiet and pretend nothing is going on. A lot of times, we (as in the newbies and the chinese) do not know what's going on until the very last minute.

Of course, there are still people who work very hard and do not discriminate us. I'm aware of that.

It just puzzles me why these days people must live with a mask. I don't understand what;s wrong with saying negative things out? Will they be gone if we just pretend nothing has ever happened? Maybe it's just pure laziness. If you voice it out, you'll be the one solving it.
A lot of times, i;ve seen two people joking with each other, asking about each other's health but in actual fact, they don't like each other.
Like one of my colleagues put it, these days people don't like to hear good things about others.

Seriously, i don't know how long i can go on with this. i certainly won't want to adjust myself to this type of culture. I'm so worried that after some time, i'd become one of them, i'd lost my enthusiams, i'd work for the sake of money only.

Talking about money.. i'm going to buy a new car. With the type of road condition i'm going through every working day and the type of roads in the school area, i don't think my colt can take it for a long time. I'm open to all suggestions. People advise me to buy a big car, big as in KIA sorento or Hyundai Santa Fe. I tried to sit inside and it was nice. The car interior is comfortable, but not the price. Of course i can afford a $600 plus car loan monthly but i don't want to. I have to keep reminding myself just get what i need. I need a car that is taller than my current colt so i don't have to worry about flooding on the way or bad road conditions.
So at the moment, i'm considering KIA sportage and Hyundai tucson. Right size for me, and the price also more affordable.
My uncle said if i get tucson, might as well get sorento because i will soon find tucson too small.
Hmm... will i? So far, i'm happy with the size of my colt. Love it in fact. It's soo easy to park.
People usually say once you have family, you'll need a big car. I never buy it. What's the connection between the two? I'm sure i can still bring my kids out with a small car. It's not as if i'm going to have a dozen of kids. Big cars simply mean huge burden for me.