happy chinese new year

i don't feel excited, maybe because my parents and fook have gone to KK for the celebration (i can't go) and dear's back to sibu. I am single on this year's valentine's day!

For the past 2 days, i've been trying to stay at home as much as i can. I hardly have the chance to keep my mind idle these days. Now is a good time. I start working tomorrow and the school is having an open day on the day after. Quite tiring to prepare for it but the good thing is, i enjoy it :)

Something has been on my mind for whole day. I hope it doesn't sound like a complaint or what.
I'm just wondering, sometimes we couldn't meet due to work, family or money-related problems. Will we regret for that one day? What if that is the last chance we can see each other?
I have to admit that i am a bit angry with some friends. We used to be close but how to stay close when there's no contact at all? Sometimes one of them will complain that i don't talk much about my problem. But where is that person when i needed someone? On holidays or off days, i do think of asking friends out. After all, my life doesnt just revolve around family, dear and work. I need friends too. Somehow, the thought of rejection makes me hesitating to ask them out.
We're not married, nor having kids. If we can't find a time to hang out now, does that mean things will only get worse in the future, when we start our family??
I don't expect myself to be the top priority in anyone's life but i really hate it when i don't feel appreciated. Anyway, maybe i myself have made others feel unappreciated too. I've probably let people down many times too. Who knows..
To me, nothing is free in this world. You want something, you have to put in effort to get it.
Friendship won't be forever if you don't give any attempt to keep in touch.

Sometimes i think i have changed to a person who expect something in return whenever i do things. Is it worthed to go? Is it worthed to help? Is it worthed to do?
I don't like myself that way. I am always thinking too much these days. That's why until now, i still can't make up my mind about which car to buy. Hyundai is definitely out of my list. I'm struggling between Kia Sportage and SUzuki grand vitara. I prefer the appearance of Sportage. Grand vitara looks clumsy to me (no offense). But getting the vitara would be much more convenient since ping works at boustead.
It would be so much simpler if i just follow my heart, do things i like to do, not things i should do.
I'm not so much a perfectionist but i'm too scared to fail. I can feel tiny bit of improvement in me. At least i admit to my students whatever things i don't know. But there's still room for more improvement.
I look forward to become a better person, someone simpler and more considerate.