mizah.. what i meant was i thought we're getting along well with our seniors but how come the juniors not doing the same...

i didn't do anything since yesterday.. feel bit guilty... so i guess tomorrow i'll do more...
finally the genetics textbooks are here.. going to get them from TA Morgan tomorrow.. luckily we haven't had the test for that yet.. i need that textbook desperately for the course..

sungkai buffet everywhere i go... even at the lamee restaurant... but recently i feel full just by thinking of the oil and fats in those food... and i think i'm quite sensitive to MSG.. i get really thirsty after eating anything with lots of it.. the thirst starts even before i finish eating... maybe i'm just being choosy... i don't like oily stuffs.. don't like food that are very sweet or salty.. don't like dishes that are purely meat.. but.. if any of those are cooked by my mom.. i'll finish it..

i wish i could have more time to concentrate on every single thing i do... mama.. when i think of our initial plan of studying together at the library during this break.. i feel like.. so hard lah.. i need to go to school even earlier than during study time.. for practical follow-ups.. for BEAC.. maybe as third year student.. i shouldn't join something like BEAC.. because it really requires ample time and effort... and it's really difficult for students from different faculties and courses to get together at the same time.. but we're trying hard.. and probably that's why i should be in this club.. to learn about working in groups... since it's unlikely i'll have a job that is in isolation..
plus i love group work.. especially during the time when everyone is working hard towards the same goal.. and achieved it at the end.. that feeling is awesome..

went shopping with my mom, siao, my sis and niece today... finally have chance to shop.. it was great.. bought one slow cooker for my mom... turned out that i over-estimated the price.. then i declined my mom's offer for buying the MP3 player.. i still prefer to use my own money to get one.. same like mobile phone.. i'll never forget how i felt when i first got this laptop... a very strong accomplished feeling.. because i paid it with my own money.. in cash.. hehe
i think i'm proud.. in a way... i don't like to accept help from others all the time.. hm..

first day of fasting.. also my first day of mid-semester break... since it's a break.. the first thing i'm going to do.. is give myself a break.. or else i'll feel guilty for whoever started the idea of mid-semester break.. that person wanted us to rest right?? hehe.. :p

tomorrow is still a public holiday here... but i better start doing some work.. one week usually is short.. i still have to teach tuition at night... my cousin got 91% for her maths.. and 75% for her integrated science... wow.. such a huge accomplishment feeling for me.. at least i did my job..
i just have to teach tuition for another month or so then i can stop... finally~~

seems like.. lots of conflicts between us and the juniors... i thought we're getting along well with our seniors.. hmm... don't want to care so much... not very important issue for me...
just that it'll keep coming up in my mind when i'm in school..
but those people in the same tutorial group with me are nice... they took initiatives to say hi to me.... feel a bit bad that i dont remember their names.. but i do remember their faces well..
it's bit rude right to not remember people's name... bad me..

yesterday it was my first time having lunch at the male hostel canteen... antonia was soo nice.. he got extra coupons so he gave them to me.. then helped me to order food and drinks.. when it comes to people like antonia and my youngest brother.. i'm always worried that they don't eat enough... hunger is something very pathetic for fat people... that's my belief.. when i was still obessed.. i can't feel hungry... even now i'm still that way... cant be hungry for long.. or else i'll become grumpy...
talked with nining for a long time yesterday.. felt so nice... only with nining i can have the so-called girls talk.. we can talk about everything.. sharing every secret... and seeing her and suaike so sweet and passionately together.. i feel glad too..

today is my mom's birthday... and i haven't bought her gift yet.. hmm... need to buy it before 6th of oct.. that's her chinese birthday.. also the mooncake festival...

bedtime post

i'm supposed to be sleeping now.. bit sleepy now too.. but.. don't feel like going against my urge to write.. type i mean..

just finished my assignments.. thank god i managed to finish them on time every week.. though if can finish any assignment earlier will be nice..

my sis is admitted to the hospital.. nothing serious.. just in case she gives birth.. hopefully she can get disharged tomorrow.. or gives birth tomorrow.. quite a lot of orders from her while she's in the hospital :p

tomorrow is not yet the first day of puasa.. hm.. can hang out with old ladies during fasting month.. let's find a chance to sungkai together.. sungkai for you guys.. dinner for me..

read from the newspaper that Sir Hadion received award from the Sultan.. excellence in Maths teaching.. congrats.. he deserved an award.. if all teachers are like him.. no one will fail in any exam i guess.. but.. if everyone is like him... life will be bored too.. maybe..

yesterday while driving.. it suddenly occured to me that.. is jealousy one of the reasons why i don't like certain people.. jealous because they do something which i never thought a student can do.. occasionally.. i'd want to skip a lecture too.. but i just don't have the gut to do.. maybe i'm a bit 'kiasu'... but if that 'kiasu- ness' makes me attend every lecture.. no harm keeping it that way...

ok... should go to bed now... i sleep quite early these days.. so now at 11.20.. my eyes are already half-closed.. should sleep now.. going to have a long day tomorrow..

...

i'm lazy these days to think of any title for my post.. what is the point anyway.. for people like me.. we just want to talk about how we feel.. so.. title or not... not really matter i guess..

i've had the magazines with me for about a week.. finally have time to flip through one of them..

3 tips to be happy:
i- take care of yourself i.e be healthy
ii- it isn't about the money.. in other words.. don't let greed take the better of you
iii- be in control.. don't throw unnecessary tantrums at others.. control your anger..

i think it's hard to do the second and third ones.. people have different definition of greed and controlling anger... i can't control my anger well too.. but thank god shouting at others is not what i'll do when i'm pissed off.. i used to do that though when i was still young.. until i realized one day it's usually the innocent people that suffered from my anger.. as for greed.. some people said it's human nature.. hm.. will human nature make a person unhappy?? it's hard to be happy when you're never satisfied with what you already have...

grand sale has started.. my god... a long list of i-want items always follows the arrival of the shopping season.. let me see.. i need a pair of good sneakers.. so i can walk and even run comfortably at the campus.. i love walking around.. so a pair of good shoes is important
then.. erm.. i can't buy anymore bags.. both backpack and handbags... i want.. more clothes.. hehe.. i always try to buy a few only for chinese new year.. but everytime i ended up with.. erm.. enough to wear new clothes every day for the whole chinese new year.. it's so hard to resist the temptation.. especially during sale...

i've been eating a lot this week.. last night we brought fook to blue cafe.. love the fish and chips there.. it's real fish oh.. unlike some places where you can only taste the flour.. at blue cafe there.. you can taste the real fish flesh eh.. then fook ordered tenderloin steak.. my first time eating such a soft steak.. everything is expensive there.. but big enough and delicious enough for the price.. so we tend to go there whenever we can't think anywhere to go.. but not too often though.. not really affordable for us.. next saturday i suggested to bring my mom to millenium for buffet dinner.. it's her birthday on sunday.. i already have in mind what to buy for her.. need to buy it next week.. erm.. but i'm not good at buying electrical appliances... still have to buy... if i'm rich enough.. i'll buy something else.. like.. whole set of skincare product for her.. or a one-week long vacation... that;s my first goal to achieve after i start working.. i can still remember a couple of years ago when she mentioned about joining our relatives to korea but couldn't go due to financial problem.. at that time i wish i had the ability to buy her the ticket and pay for the whole trip.. luckily i can start working in a year or two times.. if i study biomed.. when can i sponsor my mom that ah...

josh is bad.. he laughed when i said the government is giving us a great amount of allowance.. $300 plus.. a lot jua for a student.. we don't have to pay for any school fee.. so that's really a lot.. it's like.. a monthly salary for some shop keepers or cashier... and we're not producing good enough result... i mean.. some of us don't.. although quite a few have really great result..
when i receive allowance from the government.. i feel like it's a must to show them i worth it.. if i go oversea on their scholarship.. i'll feel even more stress out maybe.. still prefer to go on my own expenses...

good luck oh mimi for your presentation.. mama and i plan to go to the library during the mid-semester break to study... join us whenever you can... we'll go in the morning...
oh yeah.. don't forget to send mrs jai an e-card oh.. teachers' day coming soon.. she'll be happy.. send ms tan an sms too.. too bad i don;t have teacher laly's contact number..

*blank*

just finished my logging report.. not really completed though.. still need to insert pictures.. but that has to wait..
most of my recent reports were done at the eleventh hour.. i only started doing it after i came back from aerobics in the morning, rest till i like.. so everytime when i started.. it's already after 2pm.. but surprisingly.. i can finish quite soon.. probably because i'm fully rested so my mind can fully focus... which makes me do my things efficiently..

got 51% for my physical chem test.. haih... 51.. next to fail eh... think this is the first time i got so low mark for chemistry.. the whole class average mark is 22%.. eventhough mama told me i'm the highest in the class.. that isnt comforting at all.. feel bit guilty for getting such awful result.. it's only the first law of thermodynamics.. if i were the lecturer.. i'd have cried...
the only good thing about it, perhaps, is it motivated me for the tutorial this week.. hope this motivation can last till end of the final exam.. i don't want to get any grade below C for any of my chemistry.. even grade C is already low.. if i can only get 51% for physical chem.. what about inorganic chem... i think i understand physical one better..
i wish i could have the whole sem just concentrate on chemistry..

yesterday a small conflict happened in the class.. i wasn't in the class at that time... i don't want to take side.. but i hope both of them are ok now... ganbate

my sis will give birth at any time now.. feel bit excited when think about it.. hope her second child wont be as mischivious as her first daughter.. one devil is enough :p
but my niece is.. so cute.. and so clever.. she picks up things very fast.. like when i told her i just came back from aerobics.. she asked me you fat already ah.. hehe.. she also asked my mom question like why are there 2 holes for the nose... how are we supposed to answer her.. hmm..

everyone is so busy.. don't have time to hang out.. i think i'll just delay all my plans for pampering myself to the mid-semester break.. at least that time the time would be more flexible.. i hope.. i got lots of catch-up readings to do for the break.. but i guess i'll probably take more rest.. so by the time school starts again.. i'm ready to take more challenge hehe..
honestly.. i'm not working hard enough.. i know.. but.. i'm trying my best to find a balance between working hard and enjoying the things i do...

end of week 5

time pass so fast.. feel like i've just started the semester and now we're going to have mid-semester break in 2 weeks time... not really looking forward to it.. not that i'm not tired.. just.. not in the mood for holiday yet..

feel glad that lee shi is doing fine there in calgury... at first i thought i was going to be real sad when lee shi left.. but.. wasn't that bad after all.. guess it's because i've grown up.. plus.. right after sending her off.. i haven't really got the time to settle.. too many erm.. well not that many.. deadlines to meet.. so.. i'm glad that i'm preoccupied by study most of the time..
study is ok... can't say i'm doing well.. but at least i can still cope with it.. but i never stop to wish i could've more time.. since the first week till now.. i feel like my feet are not on the ground.. every day i have a to-do list to follow...

recently.. came across a few occasions and met a few people which... erm.. not very pleasant encounters i would say..
if only everyone is willing to spend a few minutes to listen to others.. to care about others.. everywhere will be a better place..
i begin to wonder maybe i've invited the wrong people to join BEAC.. what's the point in joining when all you want is the certificate.. and complain all the time about the things you have to do... what's so troublesome about doing things that can save the environment.. being busy is not an excuse.. because no one is not busy in the campus.. even the cleaners have their jobs to do..
don't they enjoy the things they do? it's just so hard to understand people who don't think like i do.. but sometimes i think i'm annoyed by them simply because they don't care about the things i really care.. i don't really like the way some people act.. but nothing i can do.. except making sure i don't become one of them..

i love what i'm doing now.. love what i'm studying now.. so no matter how busy or how demanding it is.. i still enjoy it.. now i can really see the importance of interests.. if i don't like bio.. dont like chemistry.. i probably won't give myself any expectation besides graduating on time..

this semester.. i'm bit different.. i can feel it.. i speak up more often.. and when i'm not too tired and busy.. i enjoy helping people around.. love that accompplished feeling after helping others..
probably because of that.. i meet quite a few of new people.. i'm not clicked with all of them... but most of them are very inspiring people.. feel a bit like.. i've opened myself to so many new things in this new semester... and i'm not so afraid to be different from others.. but i know i'm the type of people who get lost easily when experienced too many things.. thank god till now i still manage to make myself to look backward and think what i want at first place.. then decision-making becomes so much simpler..
i love waking up early in the morning.. like.. i can start the day early.. and more time to do stuffs i want and need to do for that day.. i made some adjustments in my time.. so i can wake up every day to say hello to a good day.. i still believe many things can be fun as long as we know how to arrange the right time for it to fit ourselves..
thinking positively can really change a lot of things...

i skipped class before.. in form 6.. and didn't like that feeling.. have to worry all the time what if i get caught.. then also guilty.. i always remember when we're in form 3.. our english teacher was soo upsetted because more than half of the class didn't turn up for her extra class.. all her efforts in preparing for the class was wasted...
yesterday.. only.. maybe a third of the whole class was there for inorganic chemistry.. if i were a lecturer and my students always skip my class.. i'll probably get really sad... but skipping class seems like a trend these days.. i feel so old sometimes.. i can't understand what are the young people thinking.. eventhough i'm just one or two years older than them.. like.. a generation gap between me and them... and i feel bit worried about the class result.. unless those people are really smart.. or else.. the class result won't be good.. some of us attend every lecture and tutorial and still we struggle for the assignment.. what about those who skip classes all the time.. when a group of students not doing well.. it's not only them having to repeat the exam or course.. the lecturer will be affected too right.. just find it unfair that some students always attend physcial chem class but never appear in inorganic chem class...
the standard of students are getting worse year by year... erm.. hope i'm just too pessimistic about it..