got good and bad things happened recently.. let's start with bad ones first...

i got poor grades for my chemistry.. both assignments and tests.. i'm still struggling.. i wish i could learn inorganic and physical chem like i learnt organic last year.. organic chemistry is so much easier.. what made me sad when i looked at the assignment yesterday was not the grade.. i just felt so sad that i let a lecturer down.. i hate letting people down.. especially parents and teachers.. maybe because i'm used to making them proud of me..
i know.. it's not the end yet... still have time to work at it.. though when i think of the coming weeks.. i can only visualize deadlines.. essays, review, mini-project write-up, practical reports..
the feeling now.. is similar to the time when i was young.. and i can't finish my homework on time.. and ended up crying in the middle of the night.. or early in the morning.. and yup.. i do feel like crying these days.. feel like.. i can't cope with all these.. a week will just pass by without me realising it.. whole day at school.. then tuition twice a week.. aerobics twice a week.. prepare for presentations.. time on helping around in the house.. i'm getting less and less sleep.. sometimes i am counting the things i need to do in my sleep.. and wake up feeling tired.. oh god...

ok.. if i have time to blog here.. whining about those... meaning i actually have the time to do my work.. right..
i just need to talk about it to make myself feel better..

i start to find the problem with the online library... when i renew books online.. i always forget to renew them on time.. and end up paying overdue fees.. eventhough the library only charges us 20 cents for each book.. when lots of 20 cents come together.. that's still a lot..

thinking to buy a new mobile phone.. with camera.. and must have a reminder.. or organiser...

ah! my sis had given birth to a baby boy last saturday night.. i was with her since noon till she came out from the delivery suite.. that was tiring eh... but a very previous experience..
i skipped my inorganic class last week.. the lecturer looked a bit surprise when i told him that i'm going to miss his class that afternoon.. erm.. the reason sounded a bit vague.. it's my sister giving birth.. not me.. what for i skip class... but.. my mom hope there'll be more than 1 person there accompanying my sis... honestly.. sometimes i really don't know how to tell people around me that.. i'm busy with my study.. i'm not doing well with my chemistry.. i need more time...
i know sometimes my mom think i spend too much time studying.. she always complains whenever i need to go to school on friday... when i think about that.. part of me hope my family can be more supportive to me for my study.. but another part of me thinks this is one of the unique things about my mom.. she never wants us to study too hard...

oh yeah i was talking about my sis... my god.. i had the urge to cry with her when she was having the pain.. and at the end of that day.. the feeling was soo complicated.. a little bit of fear, lots of happiness, small portion of touched and big relief.. really hard to put the feelings into words..
but i really admire my sis.. i'm more selfish i guess.. i wouldn't be content if i'm to settle down with a family life now.. i'm much more ambitious i think..

so far.. all the grades i've got back from bio assignments and tests are motivating.. mostly Bs and a few As.. totally opposite to my grades in chemistry.. but i'm not giving up yet.. all i need is to study and do my work more efficiently.. since i don't have a long~ time to spend on each course.. i really need to double the efficiency.. i'm really scared of disappointing anyone anymore.. including myself.. if i can't get at least a C for any of my chemistry courses.. i'll be sooooooo sad..
ok.. cheer myself up.. at least i'm starting to find inorganic interesting... so.. ganbate!

lizzy.. i'll give the hamper to mimi tomorrow night... actually.. should be she'll come to take it tomorrow night.. such last minute..hard to find her or her family at their sufri flat.. i totally forgot about buying them gifts.. too late now to order kuih sapit from my grandma.. only managed to ask my brother to buy boxes of bottled soft drinks yesterday..
but i feel so happy that lizzy still remember to buy things for mimi..hehe