i've been reading news articles about the death of that taiwanese actress.. at first it's all about how her family and friends feel.. the funeral and stuffs.. then up to now.. it started to include things like who's to be blamed.. what exactly happened during the accident.. did she use a safety belt.. did the ambulance driver make the right choice about which hospital to rush to.. don't feel like reading those...

she has left.. that's the fact.. everyone is sad about this.. but life still has to go on.. hope her parents and friends can get through her death...
to think positively.. she's been a very nice person.. brought lots of joy and happiness to people in her life.. it's like.. she had accomplished a lot.. like what some of her friends said.. the angel has done her job and now she has returned to the heaven..

so people.. love yourself.. take good care of yourself.. our body is our own responsibility.. we're not living in isolation in this world.. whatever happen to us.. it's going to affect more than 1 person.. with or without us realising that.. cherish everything we have in life.. so no matter what happen the next moment.. we know we've done our part and are happy and contented..

it's always easy to say than do.. i admit i don't love all the people appear in my life... i hate some of them.. dislike a few.. and am always picking on quite a number of people... but sometimes i wonder.. what am i thinking? i don't have the right to judge anyone's behaviour.. how can i tell whether the person is right or wrong.. and am i sure that i never do the same thing as that person?? just like just now.. i felt a bit pissed off that my two brothers are not helping my mom (she's cleaning the cement outside our house for the coming new year).. but i didn't scold them.. because i'm sure whether i've helped much too.. just don't think i can scold them unless i'm sure i'm not doing the same thing as them.. plus.. it's not that unexpected from kids that grow up with a maid at home..

the other day.. tek ying was mentioning a news where a couple has a down syndrome daughter.. and they decided to modify her body system where she'll never reach puberty... and people are angry about it.. those who went against it thought that it's unfair for the girl.. the parents shouldn't make decision for her.. at first i thought the same as the against group too.. but then.. i think no one can blame the parents... it's them who are going to look after the daughter.. not other people.. so we can never understand how hard it's going to be.. i mean.. i'm half-dead after babysitted for my niece and nephew for just one day.. i guess it must be a lot worse when it comes to an abnormal kid... and they're going to take care of her for their whole life... i think the parents do love their girl... or else they can just dump her at an orphanage or somewhere else..

oh yeah.. i donated my blood yesterday.. mama too.. five of us went together to the campaign.. but turned out that only we two are qualified to donate.. felt really glad that i've done a good deed.. and i have to say... it felt sooo great that i can now fill in the space for blood group on the form.. hehe.. the male nurse that helped me with the donation said he's going to donate his blood too in the afternoon and it's going to be his 70th blood donation... sounds cool right?? i like to donate my blood.. but i'm lazy to go to the hospital just for it.. not very sincere huh..
they gave us 2 packs of Tiger crackers and one can of soyabean... not the kind of things i like.. i like soyabean.. but not the can one..
i notice most of the medical staffs i've met so far are really nice and friendly people.. they tried to talk to us when they're injecting.. hehe and i tried to talk with them too with my broken malay...

let's hope the angel has reached where she belongs :)

i'm feeling a bit sad.. one taiwanese actress has just passed away.. it's a road accident..
she's soo young.. only 28.. very pretty girl.. quite talented too.. she has done lots of preparation like guitar class, she can play piano, harp and is capable of dancing too.. planning to release her first album this year.. and also just started to go steady with her current boyfriend.. and all and all.. she died in an accident.. so sudden..most of her friends are shocked.. and me too.. can't believe it's true...eventhough i'm not her fan.. all her friends describe her as an angel... caring, considerate and friendly... her family and friends must be real sad now.. and she too has a few dreams yet to come true.. now everyone chooses to believe that she has become a real angel in the heaven, blessing everyone in her life..
life is just so fragile.. a person can just die within a few seconds.. even if she/he hasn't accomplished what she/he intends to do..

i must always remind myself to finish whatever i need and want to finish.. must love my loved ones more.. don't want to feel sorry or guilty only when it's too late..

lizzy, mimi and mama.. i love you all *hugs*

i really hope i can fulfill all my wishes as soon as i can..
there must be something happen first before we can truly feel the sentence that 'live as if there's no tomorrow'

last sem i was soooo busy... this sem... i have so much free time up to now.. making me lazy... good thing is.. i usually finish my assignment early before the deadline.. next week.. i should get more hardworking.. i don't have a lot of courses this sem.. good time to catch up with my grades...

i've bought a new phone.. sony w810i... love it soo much.. it's my first camera.. took lots of pictures of eshyn and junho.. junho was sooooo chubby.. his cheeks are dropping like bulldog :p
hehe

recently... quite a lot of things happened.. but.. not keen in posting.. feel like.. whatever i say here.. not longer between me and my friends.. hm.. not longer what i planned at first when i sign up for a blog... only until recently... i truly believe that there's no privacy in the internet.. maybe i should keep a written journal.. then i can write any where any time.. hmm..
there are lots of things i wish to say here but can't.. but i won't stop this blog.. this is one of the best ways for me to keep in touch with my girlfriends..

can't believe i got sick on the first day of school.. but from that i notice that i'm good at reasoning..
feeling tired and sleepy - i must have missed too much sleep last week
legs feel weak - too much aerobic last week
appetite loss - too many heavy meals last weekend
feeling cold - the air-con too strong
so in the end.. i only realized i was having a fever in the evening.. after i reached home from uni.. but i still remembered to buy petrol on my way home.. that time i started to feel hot.. but i thought it must be because i didn't turn on the air-con.. oh well.. perhaps that's how i passed some of my exams.. i got reasons.. :p

then yesterday we've got our first chemistry lab.. better than i expected.. because our first practical was organic chemistry, with dr chan... and it was fun to have tek ying sitting opposite to me and mama just next to me.. hope they all pass their supplement exam.. then we can all do experiment together every week..

today i'm free for whole day oh.. because practical for biotech starts next week.. this is the first time.. eversince i enter uni.. that i have one whole day free on a school day... it feels.. fantastic :p
hehe.. of course.. it makes me lazy too.. then i still felt weak yesterday.. so i didn't do my chemistry report.. but i'm very ddetermined to finish it tomorrow.. so i can relax during the weekend.. it's holiday..

just now i had lunch with meimei.. she paid for me oh.. then we had a long lunch.. i must have talked a lot with her.. because i can feel that my throat was getting dry and i needed to raise my voice at the end in order to maintain the same volume as earlier..i always got carried away when talking with people...
then masrita... one of my hm... school mate in sufri.. she's working there... and she remembers me.. and i remember her too.. including her name... there are quite a lot of people i remember and will talk to them.. but i forgot their names.. and feel guilty to ask them..
she works at wywy in tutong.. when she came to clean our table.. i told her the food is not nice oh.. bad me :p
oh yeah.. i talked a lot of meimei oh.. didn't expect we'll have so much to talk.. now think of it.. probably i had talked too much.. because i'm the one who talked most of the time..
when two or three persons.. i'll talk a lot.. but when hanging out with my bunch of girlfriends.. i don't talk as much.. that's me i guess.. i'll talk a lot when the other person doesn't talk much... but when everyone is talking.. i prefer to listen..
meimei gave me one koala bear doll oh.. so cute.. with a leaf between its hands..
but i didn't buy her anything.. guilty eh...

i didn't help much at home i notice.. my mom has been doing most of the household chores.. i only help a little bit.. i can only comfort myself by telling me at least this gives her a chance to move around.. she's so lazy.. keep finding excuses to avoid exercise.. maybe old people are like that.. hehe kidding.. my mom is not old at all.. just 40 plus... but i really hope she can do some exercise... my sis too not a sport person.. my dad too... my two brothers are not very active in sports too.. i'm like an odd one..

i bought new clothes again today... supposed to just accompany siao to shop for her new year's clothes.. but i ended up buying some for myself too.. those clothes are just tooo irresistible.. and those shoes too... oh no.. i wish i could have more money.. and more space at my place..especially my room.. i need a huge wardrobe.. if possible.. a room specifically for my clothes, shoes and bags... thank god i don't like jewelleries.. or else i'll be broke..

thanks lizzy.. your result is good too.. hope i can get one like yours.. i'll work hard..
*hugs* it must be hard for you to be there by yourself.. there's really very limited things we can do for you.. but we'll do whatever we can.. just let us know if you need us to do something..

everyone is talking about new year's resolution... even websites and magazines.. mine?? hmm..
i hope all the people i love would be healthy and happy all the time.. so this year.. i hope i can pay more attention to my family and friends.. and dear too of course.. to make sure they're alright.. then i want to save more money.. so i can go to KK again to visit my ma kim.. she's so lonely i feel.. she's just like a grandma to me.. miss her.. and miss my grandma too..the one that has passed away.. i always hope i had spent more time with her while she's still around... the other day i saw her and my grandpa in my dream.. they live in an enchanting place.. with a lake of crystal-clear water and colourful corals.. then a very comfortable wooden house.. gentle breeze came from all direction.. i really miss her... of all my family.. so far... she's the closest to me...

ok.. oh yeah.. another new year resolution.. hmm... not exactly a resolution.. more like a responsibility.. i must improve my grades... since i have fewer courses this sem.. it should be easier for me to study hard.. hope this determination has rooted deep enough in my mind..
also.. stick to my aerobic schedule.. and more organized..

i wonder how can i check next year if i've achieved this year's resolution.. i don't even remember what's mine last year.. more like.. following the trend when i list down those..
i think what's more important is.. make sure i live life to the fullest.. make the best out of it.. and make my family proud of me..

i still have the desire for shopping trips... haih... have to wait.. wait till i'm settled with textbooks.. and wait till i buy my new mobile phone..

results...hmm..

i was overjoyed when i first got my result.. it's true oh.. i learnt that i should stop comparing myself to others.. because i felt happy with my result at first.. until i checked results of other people.. then i started to feel disappointed..questioning myself why i couldn't do as good as them.. hmm... i should stop thinking that way right.. at least i passed all my courses.. no F and S in my result..
ok... let me be cheerful.. although i got an E for my physical chem and D for my genetics.. i managed to maintain my grade A for japanese.. then.. what makes me almost dance at the mall is my A in population ecology.. my god.. this is the first time i got grade A for my bio courses.. i couldn't believe it... then a B for my inorganic chem and C for conservation.. so.. basically.. minus the elective japanese, my grades for major and minor are ABCDE.. i can't stop thinking about the D and E in my result... *sniff *sniff
but when i think of my A in population ecology... i can't stop smiling.. hehe.. must study hard to get another grade A.. ganbate~

had lunch with swait zin yesterday and josh today.. feel a bit guilty oh because both of them paid for me.. eversince i come back from KK.. i never pay for my meals when i dine out... i'm not complaining oh.. just feel bit... weird lor... i'm not used to this... it's so often that this afternoon.. i was lazy to argue with josh about the bill.. he always likes to pay for us.. unless i threaten him :p
the lunch with swait zin.. quite nice... nice talk and nice food.. with josh too.. updating with each other... swait zin is much more mature now.. that's how he made me feel.. easier to approach..

pandai pandai lah me.. i didn't expect my grade for physical chem would be this low.. so i told mama that i'll help her with her supp exam.. now.. knwing that i only got an E.. feel bit embarassed to teach eh... but don't worry mama.. i'll try my best..

can't wait to go back to uni now.. wish to study.. wish to be busy again..

sure swait zin.. you come online so i can give you my phone number.. it's still the same.. or how about coming tuesday (9th)?? i'll send my cousin to work in the morning.. then i can just stay at my aunt's place till noon time.. we can just eat in gadong.. anywhere convenient for you..

nothing much to do... we'll start studying in a week time.. i can't wait for school to start.. especially when my brother is back to school now.. i miss school.. miss racing against time for assignments... hmm... unlike last time in secondary school.. i don't quite miss my classmates (sounds cruel :p).. but i do miss my group of girlfriends.. i'm happy that i'm going to meet mama again in chemistry lab... it feels so nice to be around with someone you're very familiar with.. for me that is... because.. i don't feel comfortable when i'm surrounded by strangers.. especially elders... i'm bad at communicating with old people i guess..

seems like i don't have chance to go to Labuan before uni starts.. i wish to go to a place where i don't have relatives.. everyone keeps asking me to stay at his or her place... if i'm going.. i'll be going for vacation.. so i need peace.. but.. haih... i wish i had fewer relatives there.. and most of them, i don't feel comfortable talking to them.. firstly i don't know how should i address them.. then also i don't like it when they're so curious about my father... one of them practically asks the same question everytime she sees us.. 'don't your dad come home?'.. i feel like asking her will that affect her life?? she's in labuan and we're here in brunei... sometimes when people ask, i know they're caring about us.. but some of them.. it's purely for gossips..

it's been raining every day now.. i miss the sun.. one of the articles i read last night in CLEO said.. next time when we feel cold, we should embrace it, instead of putting on our sweaters.. because our body burns more calories when we're cold.. hmm... should i try?? i really don't like to have a layer of cold air above my skin.. but for the calories..maybe i can try..

if anyone ask me, what's my favourite food... i'd say anything that is healthy and weight-friendly.. because i notice these days... i like the food because of what it'll do for me.. instead of its taste.. maybe because i can eat as much as i like and minus the guilt.. it seems to me that most girls love either ice-cream or chocolate.. i don't have any strong desire for any of both.. but i do crave for chocolate at times.. especially when i got menstrual cramp... but most of the time.. just a normal food for me.. hm.. i'm craving for leafy vegies these days..

wish to go out shopping eh... need new cds and maybe new cloth for making new baju.. cloudy days make me lazy..

i'm back.. lizzy's gone :p

yeah i'm back from kk.. erm about 4 days ago.. i love the shopping centres there.. huge, cheaper than here and miri and lots of choices.. but i can't live there... on my third day there i started to miss home and miss brunei... i still prefer brunei here.. no heavy traffic jams, not many aggressive drivers here, lots of friendly people here... better services too.. then.. i won't have to worry about pickpocket or robbery whenever and wherever i go in brunei... all in all.. still my own country the best.. hehe...
when i was in kk.. my cousin juan juan brought me around.. met her group of friends.. hm.. they don't sound like very fond of their own country.. not happy with their government.. and juan juan is like.. always looking for chances to get a job here... just for the sake of money.. for outsiders, brunei is like a heaven.. lot of opportunities and peaceful.. i'm not hinting about anything.. but i really think she should listen to foreigners in brunei.. of course she'll only hear about the good things if she listen only to me.. i'm a bruneian what..
actually.. i'm just not happy to hear that for them.. brunei is a place of money and other than that, nothing else worth to know.. i wish to tell them malaysia is not a bad country too.. it got all the nice food and lots of things that can't be found in brunei here.. and for me, if you're not happy with your country, how can you live happily there? guess it's hard for me to walk around in their shoes.. there must be lots of things i don't know...

my medical report is out... everything's normal.. and i finally know my blood type.. it's O positive.. i'm so happy that from now on.. it's really easier for me to donate blood.. plus.. i don't have any health problem.. perfectly fit to give away my blood..

lizzy's gone back to calgary now.. just met once... but nevermind.. at least we get to meet.. hehe..
going to miss her again...

result is coming out soon.. bit nervous when think of it.. so i almost never want to think about it if can..

got menstrual cramp now *sniff *sniff.. the past few periods were ok.. i can still play and jump.. this time no oh...what did i do last month...

i had a busy week... back from kk on tuesday night.. then helped with my cousin's wedding.. went to miri last night for dinner.. my cousin is getting marry in february.. in kuching.. i can't go... because will need to go to school.. haih.. miss the chance to dress up for a dinner..
bought lots of clothes and 3 pair of shoes.. hehe... i'm so happy with my shopping trips in kk.. but need to save money.. going to straighten my hair.. dye too..