the new sem...

these days i love to stay back at school.. probably because this is my final year.. when i walked around the campus on the first day, i kept thinking about where will i be this time next year..
Because i'm in the final year now.. i begin to worry what class of degree will i get.. will i be able to get a job after graduation.. should i proceed to master...
sometimes i'll tell myself that i want to do masters.. but at times when i see my mom struggling to make ends meet regarding family expenses.. i'll think i should start working as soon as possible.. except for those friends i know from school.. all my relatives and close family members, including my brother who is younger than me, have started working at my age..
i feel grateful to be free of financial stress at this stage.. but at the same time, i feel embarassed to be still dependent on my mom and the government.. i never realized my dependency on the monthly allowance until now, when i don't get my allowance for 2 months..

i haven't started on my project yet.. so far, all the lecturers seem very kind and approachable.. most of them advised us to work hard for those tough courses right on the first lecture.. which stress me out a bit.. but i appreciate their advises.. our batch seem to break quite a few records about having supp exams or repeaters..
honestly.. i feel a bit.. reluctant to end my life as a student.. feel a bit lost about the future..
nonetheless.. i know for this sem, i should really study hard and enjoy it.. since this is the final year..

the weather is extremely hot these days.. heard tek ying mentioned that the highest temperaure of the day can sometimes reach up to 34 degree C... when it gets hotter, people start to rely more on air-con and which will make the weather even hotter.. a positive feedback mechanism.. i sweat just by standing on a shady area outside..

good thing is.. i stop gaining weights.. lost a bit actually..hehe..

saw mama the other day... we don't share any more classes this sem.. miss mimi and lizzy.. hope they're having fun at where they are..

i know sometimes i'm bad.. makes me wonder is this character in my genes.. but i'm sure i can do something about it to make me a better person...