exam's over

my mom's off to kuching again.. won't be back until sunday.. this time, my sis and her family are also going.. so.. i can't even bring my niece or nephew here to kill time during day time.. one thing i'm proud of my sis is.. she brings my mom almost everywhere she goes.. hong kong, singapore, KL and now kuching.. i hope next time i can afford that too

my exam finished on the day before yesterday.. my first and last exam..
have i ever said i don't mind to fail for once?? if yes, forgive me.. i was lying.. to people and to myself..
i didn't do well in my exam.. i can pinpoint so many mistakes.. and i got sooo worried.. i've never get so panic after an exam.. as my dear put it.. as if failing is the end of the day.. for me.. i don't know.. maybe i'm more worried about not getting A.. for the first time i made it very clear to myself that i want to get A..well~
no one believe that i'll fail.. and i let what people think about me influences me.. since.. erm.. no idea when do people start to see me as one of the top students in our group.. and slowly i begin to think so too.. i begin to think that i can't fail.. i can't have a grade lower than the class average.. grade B doesn't satisfy me anymore.. especially after i managed to get 2 A grades in my bio.. i'm becoming ambitious.. in a way that i stress myself out.. so now.. before i start preparing for the coming seminar.. i better learn to relax..

i'm reading a chinese book now.. talking about being perfect.. i have just started with it.. one of the chapters says don't expect to be a perfect employee when a fresh graduate just start working.. what the uni teach us is ways of thinking.. not skills in everyday work..
what the author said coincides with what one of the bio lecturers said to us before.. and i think that's so true.. because i really think i have a high chance of getting a job that is irrelevent to my degree..
some of us plan to continue with masters.. some will work as research assisstant for their supervisor first.. there's a master programme on biochemical stuffs.. nyrol suggested that i should take it.. because it's biochem..
i've made up my mind not to continue with further study first.. compare to study.. i'm more interested to work now.. can't wait to experience the real world.. i don't want to learn knowledge from books.. i want to learn from experience.. want to learn how to mingle with people.. to work as a team.. to survive in a workplace.. and to support my own life.. and possible, my family's life..
i think this year is going to be a transition period for me.. i can feel the change in me.. i'll survive, even if i'm not the fittest one..

this week it's sooooo hot.. it just makes me feel worse.. until this morning i was still brooding over the exam.. i'm very grateful that no matter where i go.. there's always someone i can count on.. really thanks tek ying for her comfort this morning.. what she said to me, i've told myself many times.. but i need another person to tell me.. to make sure i'm not being overconfident..
oh yeah the weather these days.. it's super hot.. i'm not the type of people who will lose appetite easily, even if i'm sad or angry.. but these days.. i don't feel like eating at all.. if i can.. i'd eat ice-cream for every meal.. i can still feel the heat early in the morning or late at night.. i just can't imagine if i were to lose the air con in my house now.. but this afternoon i resisted to turn on the air con.. because my maid didn't get to do her work inside an air con room ah.. so i feel guilty to enjoy the air con.. plus.. i'm responsible for the heat too... even without counting, i know that my carbon footprint is high.. as in very very high..

i've just finished reading another book.. it's about the first Lady Emperor of China 'Wu Je Tien'.. as a woman, she's so cruel.. but as a ruler of a kingdom, none of the men at that time could compete with her.. before this book.. i had read a book that summarize stories of 10 famous women in China history.. and i'm most fascinated by this lady emperor.. most historians criticized her a lot.. but her success in ruling and her wit are something they can't deny.. and the book i've just read about her is written by a lady author.. the author tried to point out other possible reasons for some of the evil things the emperor had done.. and i really think Yu Je Tien had fulfilled her wish.. her name is remembered till today.. i hope one day, i can travel to China and visit whatever history has left..