finally... how sad

today is the seminar for the bio department in ubd.. i'm quite satisfied with my performance.. it's like.. all the efforts i put in to prepare for this presentation is not wasted.. achieving what you want after hardwork is one of the most awesome feelings for me.. can't say i did very well.. but it's good enough.. i was so nervous before i went up there.. but when i was presenting.. i love the feeling..
it's really is a wonderful memory.. god knows when will be the next time when i can have a group of PhD holders listen to me talking, about MY study :p

after i finished my presentation.. i was in a celebrating mood.. but when the seminar was over in the late afternoon.. i began to feel a bit. sad.. this seminar is kind like.. the last thing of my programme.. time is passing by so fast.. i'm not ready to end my study life yet.. honestly, if i had a choice.. i'd like to go back to my secondary school.. and start all over again.. i'm so used to pampering by parents and teachers.. and the government of course.. so now, i have this fear to enter the world of adults.. to see the real world outside.. maybe it's not as depressing as i think..
it's just that.. i'm not ready to do something new and unfamiliar.. but i'll be alright.. i'm sure i can find a way to survive

last year when i went to labuan.. some of the aunties there seemed surprise that at my age, i hadn't started working nor got married.. but that time, i could still tell them i'm still studying.. but now.. i'm not even a student very soon
there's a saying in chinese that says 'pi ye den yu si ye'.. translating as graduated is equivalent to unemployed.. i hope i'm not one of the people that experience that..

but really.. i need to save up now.. since i'm going to singapore in june..
last two weeks.. one of the SHBIE students expressed in the newspaper about his/her request for extension of student allowances for the graduates until the graduate get a job..
well, i don't agree with that student.. so i'm a bit not pleased when that student considered what he /she said is the voice of final year UBDians..
yes, we'll get bit tight with money once the allowance stop.. but.. that is our own problem right? i feel bit guilty actually for still accepting the allowance, for not financially-independent at my age.
if other people can get a average-paying job with just 'O' Level or even PMB qualification, why can't i?
actually, i'm thinking about working as cashier or something that can expose me to different classes of people.. because at this stage, all i want is to explore what kind of job suits me or interests me.. but.. i can't just think of myself.. i have to take money into consideration.. i know most.. or maybe all, of my family members have high expectation of me..

relationship between people can be quite funny at time... sometimes what a person does is just be him/herself.. but everyone seems to dislike that person.. isn't that funny?
people always say 'be yourself'.. but from what i see is.. it's really hard to draw a line between that and self-centred.. just like.. i need to learn the difference between blunt and honest..

ok.. i'm a bit emotional tonight.. maybe i should just stop here..
lastly, i want to say that there are certain people that have influenced me a lot and i'd like to thank them.. in my way :p