Another niece has come, maybe a nephew's on the way

It's such a hot day today and the chung hwa school was celebrating parents' day this morning. We were all anticipating my niece's performance at the singing contest but my sis persuaded her not to join. Oh well~ it's the matter between them two.
I have to learn not to get invovled too much in such matters.

My cousin muimui has given birth to a baby girl yesterday afternoon. My new niece will come to live with my aunt in october. The child will stay with the grandma and my cousin will go back to singapore. If it were me, i wouldn't want to stay apart from my children but i guess that is life, there are situations where you have to give in. I believe all parents love their children deeply and they would do anything to make their children happy. That's why i think i'm not yet ready to become a parent because i'm yet to learn to be selfless.

Now i'm waiting for news from su yee. She's giving birth soon too. Wish i could go to Labuan when she has given birth. But that will depend on whether i can skip my tuition classes. I always think, once you become a teacher, your responsibility doesn;t stop until your students have completed their final exams.

I was reading through the Brunei Times just now and one article caught my eyes. It's an interview with someone from JobSolutions. They provide services to jobseekers as well as employers. They think the attitude of local jobseekers is not healthy and a lot of us don't have the go-getter type of personality. I am 'terasa' eh hehe I'm that kind of people (and i'm still able to admit it with a smile... hopeless eh).
i need a push to be a go-getter. Somebody please, give me a push :p
Should i send my CVs to companies that are not bio-related? Should i continue study?
One of my students asked me why don't i just be a full time tuition teacher. In my heart, my answer is, 'continuing teaching students like you guys? Please, spare me!'
Very mean me. Ok, i'm just kidding, though it's true. Students these days just don't come to tuition for tuition. Oh well, that is a job i've chosen to do so i have to deal with it. Besides that, i still enjoy teaching. I just hope that the students won't find me too demanding.

It's the weekend and the second term school holiday has started. Oh gosh! Holidays, meaning both my niece and nephew will be at home from morning to night. Challenging~ But, i will survive~

I'm doing good :)

Old ladies, thanks for your comments. I'm doing alright now.
I had a long conversation with dear after posting my previous post.

What i realized is, if even me don't respect myself, how can i expect others to respect me?
By giving in all the time not necessary means pleasing others. I shouldn't neglect my own needs and desires, thinking i'm doing someone else a favor. If i don't make myself happy, how can i bring happiness to others?
I'm glad that dear made me see that point.

I wish the new maid could be here sooner. My heels start to crack, i'm getting darker and my house is getting untidy. I mean, not as tidy as when we have a maid. I hope the coming one will be as good as the previous one.
I admire those people who are willing to leave their homeland to make a living in another country. Because i'm not sure if i'm willing to do that. I always feel more secure and comfortable in my own country, my place, my room and on my own bed. Though, i do feel a strong sense of belonging whenever i travel to countries where the major population is chinese, like hong kong and singapore.

I have checked with the acting AR. She told me that i am accepted for the right master programme but the AR of FBEPS have put my name under the wrong list when she sent it to the admin. So now i have to wait for another letter of offer, the correct one, before taking any action. Yeah, waiting again~ but at least i know i've got a place there.
Wonder will i get the teaching post at wasan.. it's been a month since my interview and last time my colleague waited for 2 months to get an answer. I hope i can get the job because i really like the environment of the school, far from the city, very 'green' and serene.

I really think getting a day time job now will be helpful for me. At least it can keep me away from my house so i can stop thinking i'm super-important in this house.
I'm not my mom, how can i judge for her about what is right and what is wrong?

I miss hiking. Miss the view of beautiful scenery, miss the height. I still love yoga but if given a choice, i still prefer doing something outdoor. I think biking is a great sport but these days the bikes are so expensive. I don't think it's worthed buying one when i'm not sure whether the interest will last long.
Haih.. none of my family members are passionate about exercise. I think having a workout buddy is the best way to stick to one sport but i never have one. And i'm too shy to take initiative to make new friend.
I also wish to learn bellydance one day. I think under the layers of my laziness, i'm actually a sport-lover at heart. But most of the time, i'm drowned in the sea of my laziness.

Run away~

life has been hectic for me for the past few weeks and i got a feeling that i've reached my limit. One more step forward and i'm going to break down. I can't control my emotions well these days. I get depressed too easily and staying optimistic is like one of the hardest things in the world to me.
It's a mixture of anger, helplessness, disappointments and maybe something else.. i don't know..

I'm worn-out.. having to teach tuitions 5 days a week, sharing chores with my mom, looking after my niece and nephew. Most of the times, i don't mind doing all these but there are times when i feel really unfair, like why on earth am i the one being tied down to the kids while my sis and bro-in-law get to do things they like? Just because they're working and those activities are job-related? what about their kids? they always say they miss the kids but their actions don't convince me. maybe there are things i don't understand. or maybe i'm just too frustrated to try to be in their shoes. I mean, if you want to have kids, you should be prepared yourself for all the responsibilities as a parent. Yes i am at home most of the time. But i'm a young lady, who has a part-time tuition teaching job, who has an interest in keeping a healthy exercise regime, and who sometimes will want to have some time for herself! What's more? We dont have a maid at the moment but i do have 2 brothers who don't clean up their mess..

arrrgghhhh!
Because of those, i've become a lousy girlfriend. i have skipped quite a number of my yoga classes, i can't practise on my own at home because the kids just won't leave me alone once they see me doing it. Oh gosh! Did i tell the interviewers last time that i am a patient person? Either all my patience are wiped out by things in my life these days or i've over-estimated myself.

But who to be blamed after all? It's me! No one has ever forced me to do those things. It's me voluntarily take up all the responsibilities. I thought i'm just doing what a daughter should do, just by simply helping her mom. But things get out of hands when my mom has to do more than what she's needed to do. Why? I'm just trying to be considerate and helpful to everyone but why can't i feel a tiny bit of appreciation or thanks from them?
Yeah i know, because they didn't ask me to.. it just keeps on reminding me how i felt when my mom decided to go for a vacation instead of coming to my convocation.

Of course, there are still good and happy things happen in my life, like i realized it's not difficult at all to make myself and my mom a healthy vegetable+fruit juice every morning, even though not much, i finally get my pay every month on time, my dear is being understanding. but i'm only a human, so i naturally focus more on the unhappy things and forget about the good ones. Oh yeah, did i mention that the work i did at IM is published online? Good news but not enough to cheer me up for more than 5 mintues.

I need a break. Everytime when i have the urge to blog, i'll neglect the urge whenever i think of all the depressing stuffs i'm going to write about. Maybe that's a mistake. It's bad to keep everything to myself and worse, to pour everything out to my dear, whether he's busy or not.

Now i know, i have bad time management, bad organizing skills, and what else? wrong way of showing my affection towards my family. Too blindly i guess. Instead of getting close with them, i am actually pushing them away from me. I don't let them find out about my dislikes, about my unwillingness in doing certain things. I don't know why.. that's always been the way since my teenage.
Haih.. i just feel suffocated lately

I received a call from UBD on last thursday, telling me that i'm offered with a master programme. I went to collect my letter of offer today and to my surprise, i am offered with a master in public policy! How is that possible?! I had put in my form that Master in Environmental management and MBA as my first and second choice, respectively. But, excuse me, public policy? What does it have to do with me?

I went to FBEPS this morning, the AR is on leave so i went back there in the afternoon again to see the acting AR, waited for an hour there and the acting AR and the programme leader were nowhere to be seen. Just when i was about to leave the place, finally the actin AR came. I totally understand that ARs are very capable and busy, after working at IM for a few months.
Unfortunately, the acting AR couldn't give me an answer but she's very kind and willing to help me to find out. So the only thing i can do now is wait, wait and wait.. like always.
i thought i finally have a clear direction to go but turned out it's not as i thought. I hope it's just a mistake.
My job-hunting is really discouraging. Although i have only stopped my IM job for 2 months, i feel sad already for not getting a real job. No matter how careful i tried to be, the money will just flow out from my pocket just like river flows from upstream to downstream.

I realized, it's easier to get a place to study nowadays than to get a job. Who knows, i'm the one being choosy.
Some people told me to apply any jobs available, be it relevent to my study or not, while another group told me to focus on jobs that are relevent. Who should i listen?
Some people are saying certain companies are having limited budget in hiring people and hence, chances are always given to people with lower qualifications. How true is that?
I'm not giving up on job-hunting but i'm definitely not as enthusiatic as before.. oh no..