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Happy birthday to you, swait zin.. hm.. 21 yrs old now.. don't be too grateful to me for remembering your birthday.. if you want to thank.. thank yourself and friendster.. yourself to turning on the birthday reminder and friendster for this service.. :p
bet you're enjoying now...

i recevied call from sensei.. next sunday morning i'm going to have the stage at one of the rooms in IPA for roughly 3 minutes.. hehe..yup.. i've made it through the pre-selection.. now i'm one of the 6 representatives for elementery level.. ganbate

i'm craving for portugal egg tart these days.. couldn't find it at Mom just now.. so satisfied myself with the chicken quichie.. wish to eat long noodles like ramen..

trying to change some of my sitting postures.. i like to sit with my legs crossed.. guess that's one of the reasons why my legs are huge.. didn't get to jog yesterday due to bad weather.. hope tomorrow the weather is cooperative.. i need to jog..

my niece is getting naughtier now.. she learns things too fast.. now she knows how to say 'yo! yo!' in a hip hop way.. thanks to me and my brother fook.. hehe..

*blank*

my dad bought the massage belt like the one advertised on tv.. the one in the tv is OSIM but ours is Cosway.. i tried it.. wonder will it help to slim down my enormous calf muscles..

i'm saving up for my hair.. but i wish to go to any grocery stores.. i love shopping at hua ho because they always have large area for food.. all kinds of food.. instant noodles.. drinks.. vegies.. cereals.. everything we need at home..

football is a sport.. sports tend to make people healthy and happy.. world cup is supposed to be an entertainment for everyone throughout the world.. so far.. i've heard a few people lost a few thousands dollars on betting.. kids have been losing money and parents have been paying their kids' debts... world cup.. makes people insane.. if the people cannot resist the temptation..

i'm recovering.. something to be happy about.. but i've been eating more than usual this week so far.. excluding monday.. better stop.. or else 10 massage belts can't help me too :p

happy or not

this week i found out one thing from my observation.. a lot of people in my life complains about their life almost on a daily basis.. i really don't know why.. for some people.. they chose their own partner.. they chose their own pathway for life.. yet they end up miserable..
i've seen the marriage of my parents.. a wife who keeps whining about her husband.. a man who is so isolated when at home.. a big family that has lots of conflicts.. a mother struggles for money.. a guy who never gets enough of money.. so discouraging..
looking at them.. makes me wonder what makes a person happy.. is happiness that hard to achieve?? or is it that hard to be content with your life??
from what i see.. some of them can actually be happier if they appreciate what they already have.. and i wonder am i just one of them..
i don't want that to happen.. i want to be able to feel and cherish everything i have in my life.. because i'm already blessed enough to be borned here in brunei.. if i were borned elsewhere.. i'm sure i wouldn't have such a peaceful and easy-taking life..

lizzy.. did you receive my sms.. no reply from you.. i'll sms you again about tomorrow's trip to the mall for a movie with mimi them.. my car's broke down but i can use my dad's vitara.. which mean i have no problem with transport and time.. i can come back early alone if they want to stay for longer time.. i got tuition at night at 7... but now.. i have problem with money..
plan to save up for the coming 2 weeks so i can dye my hair.. i'm trying not to touch my monthly allowance.. so i can top up my account balance faster.. miss the time when i have more money than now.. but at least i'm able to survive without asking for money from my mom.. ganbate

and yup.. my topic is about my family and i..

:)

thanks people... i always know i'm not alone..
since i was able to mention it in my previous post.. it simply shows that i've got over it.. erm.. well maybe not the part about going out alone with lizzy.. but that's ok.. i might worry a lot before we meet but when we meet.. unless i really don't have anything to say and feel awkward with the silence.. most of the time i'm feeling like normal..
*hugs* to everyone who read my blog..

it's raining now.. and my car is sick.. need to be sent to the workshop.. :( i feel handicapped without my car.. eventhough i don't like driving

i've been telling lies recently.. even if i'll call them white lies...a lie is still a lie.. and it's not a good thing to lie.. and i'm not lying for myself.. but that's not a good excuse for me..
lately.. i'm not very happy with myself.. i never think i'm a nice person.. but at least i don't feel annoyed with myself.. but now.. i'm a bit frustrated with my thoughts and my behaviours.. if a person doesn't like herself.. that's mean there's a problem with her..
i just don't like myself for being selfish and grumpy.. i wonder is this self-dislikeness the reason why i'm not quite happy with my life.. probably i need a meditation or something.. or maybe it's because i'm struggling with money now.. hehe.. no matter what.. i'll get over it..slow and steady.. i want to be loved.. so the first thing to do is to love myself..
i'm being extremely lazy these days.. but the funny thing is i can't just lie down and do nothing.. or else i'll get annoyed.. as for going out.. i still prefer to stay at home.. of course i love hanging out with friends.. but most of the time i like to be at home.. there are lots of things i can do at home.. watch favourite tv shows.. exercise.. steam my hair.. have a simple foot spa.. eating and drinking.. i think my laziness is drowning me soon..

the pre-selection for nihongo no speech contest is coming kin yobi.. ni ji han
yeah the speech contest is on the 9th.. 2 weeks from now.. watashi no topic wa watashi no kazoku to watashi ni tsu e te desu :)

idle..

feel like.. everyone has something to be busy about.. except me..
i don't hang out with friends.. don't watch football.. my pockets not full enough for shopping trips.. yet i don't have much free time..
now the only thing that i'm feeling good about is keeping fit.. which i don't have a lot of friends to share this interest with..
wish to go labuan.. but the time is not appropriate.. don't want to postpone my tuition for my own pleassures..

so soon the normal schools are reopening.. but i still have to wait for more than a month to study..
thank god i have the japanese speech contest to keep my mind occupied for some time..

went to kuala lulah today.. my first time.. the bbq chickens wings looked yummy.. but there were too many of them there.. sold by several stalls.. which made my stomach feel stuffed just by looking at them.. but i bought some bananas and one buah sukun from a nice old lady.. and i only realized it's actually more economical if i pay everything in RM after i got into the car..

come to think of it... i have had some friendship crisis ever since i entered uni.. sometimes i blame it on others.. but most of the time i know it's partly my own fault.. i always think true friends stay.. no matter what.. but i forgot that not everyone thinks it this way.. the society keeps changing.. people too.. no one will always stay the same.. but memories stay so i have lots of nice ones to keep me going.. at the time i felt left out.. i asked myself have i done the same to someone or some people too?? there are some friends i deliberately left out.. just to make sure i have enough time for my study and people who are more important in my life.. so i guess if i ever felt neglected.. i shouldn't complain much..
i always think..what i don't do to others.. i don't expect others to do that to me.. but the irony is.. how can i be sure that i don't do it to others??
like many people.. i use a magnifying glass to look at my weaknesses which i can accept.. but i'm blinded to those i don't feel fine with..
i always try to be cheerful.. but deep down i'm more of a pessimistic person.. the good side of it is i'm always preparing for the worse..though not the worst..
and i'll always remember that i have lots of good friends who will never forget me..
sometimes i wonder am i subconsciously try to keep a distance from lizzy.. so i won't cry that bad when she's leaving.. or.. is that just a way to comfort myself about the fact that we don't click like before.. i love going out with my bunch of girlfriends.. but going out with lizzy alone now doesn't feel natural.. i feel bit pressurized with the silence between us.. maybe because i'll keep comparing the time we spend with the time she spend with nisa.. for me.. when they're together.. there's always laughters and they understand each other's jokes so well.. as for me.. i don't have much to say about the things they talk.. that's why most of the time i'm quiet when with them.. but that's not because i'm bored.. i felt comfortable by just listening to them.. but i wonder will they misunderstand that as i'm bored..
i'm sorry lizzy.. you said before you don't like to be observed by people.. but.. when your conversation is the only sound in the surrounding.. it's hard not to notice what's in your conversation..

i've been keeping too much things inside me this year.. sometimes they are just too unpleasant for me to mention.. sometimes i don't think i should mention in case i get on someone's nerve..
so.. in the end.. i got somewhat like a mental break-down.. i cried a few times in a very hard way just to get over the stress.. it's not good to my mental health at all.. because the more i suppress myself.. the more tendency i keep all the negative thoughts to myself.. to avoid making people angry.. i end up angry with myself inside me.. i consider myself very silly actually.. trying all my best to keep a beautiful surface.. even if it's rotten inside.. of course things are not as bad as rotten stuffs.. just.. sometimes i wish i could be more straightforward.. because when i don't keep swallowing the negative thoughts.. i feel happier and.. a better me...

tired tired

i'm too depriving of sleep i guess.. feel very tired.. and i can fall asleep within minutes..

there's a saying in chinese.. you can't make a sound with just one palm..

the pre-selection for the japanese speech contest is next friday.. wonder will i be nervous.. i wonder if there's any chinese speech contest.. after all.. chinese is my strongest language.. it's a language which i can just improve even without trying to learn.. also the language i have most feelings with..

wonder if the hydrating mask is too hydrating.. got a new pimple on my chin.. going to experiment another time to see if it's that case.. going for facial treatment this weekend.. can't wait for that..

the rainy season is here.. it's raining almost every night.. i don't like rainy nights..

wish to travel with flights eh.. but i guess i wont have the chance soon.. because of budget problem..

tiring but fruitful

went to miri just now after my tuition.. my legs are tired now.. can't wait to lift them up..
going to try the new hydrating mask i bought just now..also the aloe vera gel on my pimple.. spent most my money at cosway just now..
i'm saving up.. in a spontaneous way.. i just won't buy anything which won't help me with my skin condition, health condition and body-shaping now.. of course i still face a great challenge when i pass by the clothing and shoes and bags sections.. but i'm able to hold myself back.. the price tags on the items help me a lot too..
going to withdraw cash for my facial treatment.. need to save up since my money is vanishing at high speed... plus i'm planning to buy textbooks next sem.. instead of just photocopying..

swait zin.. of course we should meet up ah when you come back.. there's a new japanese restaurant in gadong...shushite.. we can go there to try.. good to see a friend once in a while.. so i can tell if there's any difference in you..

went to uni several times but i didn't check my overall grade.. not so anxious about it anymore.. since knowing it or not wouldn't help to pull up my grade Cs...so let it be..

yesterday at bk udal.. there was a car accident.. a car hit right at the metal of the bridge near my grandma's place.. surprisingly.. i was brave enough to look straight at the bleeding kid.. at that moment.. i was tempted to cry.. the kids looked so kasian.. i suggested using my car to send them to the hospital..since the ambulance was so slow.. but i was stopped by my aunt and grandpa.. some people are just too afraid to get involved with the police.. i hated myself for not knowing any of the emergency rescue.. the ridiculous part is.. the towing car from workshop arrived earlier than the bomba..
i was actually quite disappointed with our public services.. but last night.. i felt more comforted when the water supply came at midnight.. i hope that indicates that the JKR people worked till that late just to assure all households' water supply was resumed..
i get restless when there's no water supply.. i can't imagine what will happen to me if one day brunei runs out of fresh water *touchwood

lizzy *hugs*

another week

i miss school.. miss the time when my mind is occupied with study and assignments..

went to jibah's wedding yesterday.. she was sooo pretty... one of the prettiest malay brides i've ever seen.. not that i've seen all the brides for those malay weddings i attended.. when i was young.. i used to represent my dad to attend weddings.. most of the time.. i don't know who were the newly weds at all.. all i knew was.. it's a time for me to indulge in those expensive delicacies.. last year.. when i went to labuan for a relative's wedding.. i realized i've been so lucky.. those things like abalone and sharks' fins.. i've been eating them several times a year since young.. but for my cousin back in labuan... some of them have never tasted any of those before.. till then i know i should be grateful..

at the wedding.. the temperature was high.. the weather was too fine.. lots of guests..
i couldn't stop thinking about what kind of wedding i want..
i won't like to have a grand celebration.. prefer a small gathering with my close relatives and friends.. i dont need the whole world to know i'm married.. sharing the happiness with those people who i'm close with is perfect enough.. plus.. a grand ceremony will leave me with no time to hang out with my guests..

wish to have my own cafe one day.. i'll see those snacks or food which can make a person looks better and healthier..

i'm incredibly emotional these days.. cry easily.. yesterday i had the urge to drop tears during the 'foot-washing' ceremony at the wedding... i wasn't sad at all..i was feeling happy for jibah.. yet i wished to cry..

went for a traditional urut yesterday.. the haji advised me to cut down on cold drinks and spicy food.. i never know my body has that much problem..

soccer fever..exam results

i'm very disappointed with my results honestly...so disappointed that i don't even want to mention it.. i got A for my japanese, C for english, plant taxo, plant physio and animal bio and D for computer... going to see my overall grade tomorrow when i go to ubd.. i know.. at least i don't get any E, no sup no U for me..but.. i wished to get a B for my overall grade..and i don't see any hope with that.. it's just soo discouraging.. all my bio courses are C... can i only reach tht grade? is that my best?? this is the time when i regretted so much for studying at last minute..
well...on the brighter side, i'm not giving up yet...i refuse to think C is the best grade i can get for my bio... i know it's the matter of effort i put in my study.. let's hope..my determination for studying hard will last till end of next sem... or even better, till i graduate..
haih... need to remind myself constantly to work hard...
i'm thinking for a new strategy which can allow me have time for study, relax and family/friends..

lizzy..don't force yourself to be cheerful when you don't feel so.. mimi passed all her courses.. but anna need to sit for one supplementary exam...
anyone is happy with his/her result?? ohh i guess i don't want to know..

i feel lazy to talk.. i'm feeling ugly now.. wish to hide away from everyone.. wish to go for a vacation to lighten my mood.. but not labuan.. when go to labuan.. it's more going back to one of my homes.. wish to have that vacation feel..

good news.. i bought myself a pair of new heels.. it's green.. my stuffs are getting colourful.. i like to play with colours these days.. then i just steamed my hair..quite soft now.. but not as nice as when i did it at the hair saloon.. of course..
wanna try that DIY slimming scrub.. but not enough time just now.. maybe later or tomorrow..

everyone is watching and talking about football.. everyone in my family exclude me.. feel a bit out of place hmm... i never learn how to enjoy that sport.. any sports in fact..i guess

tired

feel as if i didnt have chance to take a break for the past few days...longing for a vacation now..
actually..as long as i can travel with flights...i don't mind even if the destination is as near as miri..

if anyone ask me what do i like to eat now...i guess i'll probably answer..any food that can make me slim and healthy..or have smooth skin...but at the moment..my favourite food is bittergourd...can't have enough of it..

this morning..when mama sms me...i was still in my sleep...just..don't have interest to play badminton now..plus i slept very late last night

i went to miri yesterday...was so excited to go there...but the trip wasn't very productive..didnt get to buy much...i spent less than half of B$150 oh...it was soo painful to see soooooo many nice clothes, cheap too...yet can't buy them...because i need to spend my money on elsewhere..

nichi-yoobi and dear's back

finally he's back :)

had a nice time just now at the beach with my bestfriends..tomorrow is anna's birthday and she celebrated it in advance...didn't buy her any gift.just a card...because i don't really know what does she like..and..honestly...it shows more sincerity from me when it's a card...if it's a gift, i might give in to the low price...which i don't like this idea..
since last year i think...i began to like greeting cards...like..i finally understand the meaning behind it...in my own way probably..

i feel pity for my skin...been exposing it to the sun for whole day...i did apply sun-block but still i believe the best way to protect my skin is stay away from the sun, especially if i want to have fair skin..
shoulld've got after-sun spray or lotion ready...but..it's not that bad after all...i tried my best to avoid the sun just now...plus..it wouldnt feel like a beach without the sun...

i left earlier just now...because i needed to jog...erm..ok..should be i wanted to jog..didn't get to jog on thursday due to the rain...hence i insisted on jogging today...

i found that even with my best girlfriends..i still prefer to listen to their conversation and laugh with them...it felt peaceful and nice when i just relax my body and listen to them talking and joking...
one of my ex-classmates is getting marry in a week time...so nice...i wish to marry too but now it's not a good time yet..

hm..have to wait another week to do my facial treatment...i'm so in love with those SPA treatments now..of course i normally do them separately...because i'm still young..so a lot of the things i can just DIY..

wish tomorrow i have the chance to go miri...it's a bit disappointing when i keep seeing and hearing people around me travel to here and there but i just stay in brunei...the only place i can go alone...is labuan...i like to go there...but the price to pay is the extra pounds i'll be gaining..

:)
i feel glad...like..i'm knowing myself better now...i know what kind of clothes is suitable for me..what kind o shoes i really need..everything i buy...hm..well almost all of them are things i really need...or things which can make me feel good...
at this age of time..people pay to feel better..

shopping fever

i swear that if i don't go shopping by the end of this week..i'm going to get depression....
tomorrow...hopefully can go to gadong with my mom and siao...or else i'll go on saturday..
besides high heels...i'm looking forward to buy perfume too...i guess i'm influenced by this month's FEMALE....it talks so much on perfumes...and siao keeps talking about perfume too...tempting me to buy one for myself too....i have Britney's Curious...a gift from dear...but the scent is still sometimes slightly too strong for me...

oh yeah...i know what can i do if i don't do anywhere tomorrow...probably can make kimchi...
and i need to practise my japanese speech...not really looking forward to join though...but..no harm going for the pre-selection...plus...i knew i'd be regret if i don't join...for the jisho's sake..go for it~

welcome back Lizzy~ envy you so much that you could go patoi...

i have $200 plus in my wallet now...which makes me bit indecisive...how to spend such great amount of money...should i buy sport bra first? or skincare product??? sneakers?? high heels??
oh my god...such a sweet torture for my mind..

swait zin...if you're reading this...all the best for your exam :)

josh was soo sweet...we chatted for a while last night...and he's practically waiting for me to think of something for him to buy for me....too bad can't ask him to buy heels and bra for me..

weekend at home

last night buffet was...fulling...i felt bloated..too much meats, esp lamb chop...
feel bit full now whenever i think of meat....i didn't like the appetizers too...the food was not as nice as the previous time we were there...or simply because i've become even choosier than before?? normally i eat lots of salad...but last night...the tartar sauce was bit too sour..and not much fresh vegies there...
my tummy felt as if it's going to explode when lini made us laugh at the time when my tummy was full to the maximum...as usual...
but too bad many of us were not there...i expected more people...hm...we chose the wrong time to go maybe...but still feel happy because dear went with me:)

is it only me or it's a common thing that we feel bloated during our period? i feel like my tummy bulge out more than usual...

yesterday morning i went to the mall for foot reflexology with siao...i still prefer destress though..but no harm massaging mainly on my feet and legs....hope that will help me shape up my legs better...

mid year sale is here...and i can't wait to go shopping....i wish sooooooo much to buy a pair of high heels..but..i'll put that as the last on my list...because i've more than enough pairs of shoes to wear... i'm just soooo into high heels these days...feel like buying a pair of wedge heels..i know it i just need another pair of shoes then i'll stop buying shoes...until the buying season for next chinese new year...
actually should buy sport bra first...since i jog at least twice a week...should have a sport bra before my breasts start to become saggy...wonder if there's sport panties...

i think...i'll just wait another week before i go for my facial...if i have the wealth...i'll go facial more often...go massage more often...hehe...if only~

a steamy day

yesterday...i met yong ming..finally...and me, him, hong hwa and suaike went easyway..we spent about 2 hours talking...about anything..school life..life in kl..joke around...
i love that kind of feelings...so free and relax...but at the end of the day...i just wonder...only male bestfriends stay with me...most of the time...hm...used to that..
yong ming now is back to kl...going to miss talking with him..i like talking with him...he's one of the guys who i can talk about health, beauty and bla bla...

i'm looking forward to tomorrow night...because dear is joining us...because get to allow myself to eatttt...and also..dress up...i love dressing up...with a purpose...
some people might think i slim down and keep fit to please someone....erm... that's part of the reason.. i guess i'm just addicted to that wonderful feeling when i'm happy with the way i look..
probably why i enjoy spending time with the guys yesterday is because they convinced me that i look great...lovely guys..

but tomorrow...i'm going to give myself a break...i'll eat till i can't put anything more into my stomach...

too bad lizzy can't be there... we'll go again next time when she's back...

today the weather was sooooo hot...my mood wasn't that good too...couldn't go to miri with my mom because i got tuition at night...actually it's a good thing that i didn't go..because i'm in my shopping mood right...