passing time..

apart from the fact that i'm alone at home most of the time, i'm quite enjoying my 'home-alone' time.. like.. wake up in the morning, breakfast.. watch my favourite tv show, prepare lunch.. lunch... sometimes bring my niece here.. sometimes go to ubd for my project.. then come home.. do some exercise..prepare for dinner.. wait for my cousin to reach home...dinner.. then tv time.. or spend time with dear when he's coming over.. honestly.. i like my life to be this way.. like i work on some of the days... then stay at home for the rest of the week.. what i like most is.. cracking my head for what to cook..

today i look ugly... with my hair flat and slightly oily... an it stinks.. at least for me... *sniff *sniff.. tomorrow i need to go to school.. oh gosh! thank god i have a nice-looking cap.. hope my face won't appear too big :p

these days i saw quite a lot of big lovely insects.. but i don't longer need to collect insects.. everytime when i see an insect flying near me.. i'll keep imagine that they're coming to take revenge on me.. for the sake of all their families or friends that had been killed by me..

the supplementery list is out... since a few days ago... one thing for sure is.. i passed my biochem.. hopefully i can get at least B.. actually i hope i can get A for all my courses.. but.. erm.. how to say it.. it's like.. very look forward to it but at the same time, afraid to be disappointed..
i notice i'm often end up in a dilemma.. is that how life supposed to be?? or maybe it's only my life??
in our culture here.. almost no one will dare to say yes, i'm going to get an A for the subject.. people tend to be humble.. in my case.. most of the time, i'm just trying to play safe.. sometimes will worry what if i say that and then i didn't end up with an A?? that will be embarassing.. these days... when i think about that.. i'll try to convince myself that it's nothing to be embarrassed about.. so now, although i still won't say i can get A.. at least i'll admit that i don't think i'd fail..
i don't like to be the odd one.. but.. sometimes, in some circumstances.. i just can't avoid that.. but then, if that happen, most of the time i'll keep my opinions to myself.. just to make myself to fit in.. ok.. i know i shouldn't do that.. i should be proud of myself.. but sometimes i'm really confused.. should i have faith in myself and insist on what i think? or should i accept others' thoughts? how to know if i'm not wronged? where to draw the line between self-confident and self-centred?

i envy those old people who have been through many stages of life.. that's why i like listening to old people talking about their life histories.. for me, lives of these ordinary people are much more interesting than reading history of those great leaders or heroes.. sometimes i wish i could experience life in the past.. for sure the air would be 'sweeter'.. i always think if i live in the past.. at least a few decades ago.. i wouldn't have to worry about body weights.. maybe i wouldn't have the chance to study... but perhaps i'd have learn more skills at my age now.. or maybe have a family of my own.. i'd be more capable than i am now..
really.. i think, up to now, the only thing i can do well is study... whenever people see me, they'll ask me questions like not going to school today (even on a friday) or how is my study.. it's always related to study... is it that obvious that i'm still a student?? or i have a face that looks like a book? please, don't tell me i look like a nerd.. maybe it's something to do with my temperament..
next year.. i'm going to be a better person.. like i said, i'll try to have a bigger heart.. so i'll be more patient.. and more sympathetic.. more considerate.. more good-tempered.. these days i have very tiny heart.. so i think my view also become smaller.. and as a result, my mind has become narrower.. tsk tsk tsk
nevermind.. i'll improve myself next year.. so i'll be a more capable person..
obviously, i'm in a good mood tonight ^_^

Christmas.. HoHoHo~

i'm just back from saloon.. so my hair is flat and straight now.. been wanting to straighten it since last month.. and finally.. on the last week oh 2007, i did it.. felt a bit sleepy when i sat there waiting for my hair/scalp to 'eat' the treatment cream...

still miss my mom badly.. my ta ti is coming back today... just haven't arrived yet.. tomorrow fook will be back.. but he'll probably go to KB.. bad brothers.. don't miss me at all..

i ate till bloated last night... for this year CHristmas' Eve.. i cooked spaghetti and made vegies salad for me and dear... it's almost spaghetti plus cake every year.. maybe i should try something else next year.. then.. i'm thinking to have steamboat on New Year's eve.. my mom will be back by that time.. oh yea~ ^^

my project isnt going smooth.. now we're tryin new method.. hope it works..
a part of me can't wait to finish studying and start working.. more specifically, earn money.. but the other part of me feel a bit sad to leave life as student behind me.. how i wish i could skip working and come to retired life immediately.. i'm lazy.. and a little bit naive sometimes..

lots of things on my mind.. but then.. need a long time to put those into words but it's time to prepare dinner now... next time..

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

i think i'm useless.. because every time when my mom's away for vacation, i'll have the urge to cry.. especially when i'm left alone at home.. haih... my mom's in the air now, on her way to China, my two brothers are in KK now.. once again, i'm left behind at home.. as for my sis, she rarely comes whenever my mom's not around.. so yeah.. basically i'm all alone... and honestly speaking, i don't like to be alone..
with many people, i'm quiet.. and most of the time, i prefer a quiet environment... but i really really really don't like to be at home alone.. especially during night time.. haih... but this always happens..
but.. i guess there's nothin i can do.. if i'm the one going for vacation, for sure i'll have to get some money from my mom.. which i don't want.. then.. whenever my mom's not around, i'll feel like i have the responsibility to look after the house.. i'm the second lady owner of this house :p
and one day, i'll be the one to support the living.. ganbatte!

these days the weather is not so stable.. it can be boiling hot during the day and then heavy rain towards night time.. perfect time to fall sick.. so people, watch out.. especially now it's the time to celebrate christmas and new year.. all the food for celebration are not that healthy..

i wish i could go for vacation.. *sniff *sniff
wish to try new things, meet new people and eat something i've never eaten before.. not the exotic type though.. wish to eat japanese food in japan.. eat kimchi and barbeque meat in korea.. eat roti canai in India.. and eat penag fried kueh tiaw in Penang..
pun sia sia... i better stop.. or else i'll never lose the weights i want to get rid of..

i don't want to talk much about my 2007.. because there are lots of fluctuations.. important thing is.. i want to have a bigger heart.. it's hard not to repeat the same mistakes.. but i'll make sure i learn the best out of each.. after all, i'm getting 23 next year.. so.. quite a lot of things about my personality are more or less fixed..

i'm like a bit old-fashioned.. i don't like to keep in touch using internet.. i prefer talking on phone.. or meeting face to face... i don't like using car.. if can, i'll walk.. and i don't like air-con.. i don't care how many functions my mobile phone has.. for me, mobile phone is a phone, something for me to call, sms.. sometimes taking pictures.. computer for me, is something useful.. but i don't like using it.. unless i needed to... i don't like cafe... i prefer coffee shops.. don't like 5-star restaurants because i think small foodstalls have something more delicious.. maybe i'm just too practical.. till people find me boring..

another shopping day

today i joined my mom and sis going around.. wow! i overspent i guess... i'm so into sport attire now.. and i'm so in love with the pair of sport shoes i bought.. almost everything in the department stores are having discount.. and i saw one nike yoga mat.. it's much thicker than mine.. hmm... i'll just hold it back now.. and buy it if i can proceed to flow yoga..

i must must must must control my appetite.. i notice i eat more rice now.. oh gosh..

we bought a treadmill today.. i wanted to share the payment with my mom but she refused to let me do that.. haih.. i feel restricted when it comes to money.. can't wait to start earning money..
thinking to find a part time job next year..
tomorrow i'll start growing my spores.. don't like the feeling of hanging in the air..

last night i went to watch I Am Legend.. for me, it's scary and at the same time, sympathetic..

recently.. i have the urge to speak out.. maybe i've been quiet for too long.. feel like i'm full of things to say.. but hmm.. don't know.. nevermind..
have a 'i'm-an-outsider' feeling..

so nice eh mimi, anna and mama went to gym together.. i'm always trying to find an exercise buddy.. but. people around me just don't seem that interested in sports.. next time can i join you guys?? i know anna and mama are going jpmc again tomorrow.. but i need to do my project.. i'll be going on sunday morning though for my yoga class.. have to wait for next time oh -_-

my holiday..

today i went to miri with my mom.. just the two of us...
my mom once joked before that to some old people in labuan, i'm probably a lazy or useless person.. i'm already 22, not working, not marrying, not having kids and still dependent on my parents.. and recently.. i notice that despite i've got my driving license for a few years.. whenever i go out with my mom or sis, it's very rarely that i'm the one who drive.. hmm.. my mom has been driving us around for so many years.. by right i should be the one driving right.. but.. i don't like driving.. and aint good at it... plus... i have weak sense of direction.. especially on the road.. sometimes i wish ubd would provide transport services.. i don't mind walking to my house simpang to wait for the bus to come.. i remember when i was young, i wished that we could go to school by bus.. that's where couples meet on tv :p so whenever i went to labuan, i'd follow my uncle (he's a school bus driver) around.. too bad, sometimes he just couldn't bring me along because i was too big

back to my miri trip today... now my mind is soo focused on learning yoga.. i bought 2 t-shirts and 1 long sport pants.. suitable for doing yoga.. then one book on basic yoga, 2 magazines.. oh yeah, people, if you have cosway member, or if you're thinking to buy good bra, try cosway bra.. it's on offer now 3 for RM142.. it's good.. it can boost your bustline, correct your posture too.. for those of you who are 'big'.. the bra has good supportive effect too..

i tried the yoga class at jpmc yesterday morning.. now my turn to have sore muscles.. especially my upper arms.. but i really love the class.. for me, the best part of it is.. we're doing the yoga outside the aerobic room, facing the sea.. at the end of the class.. i felt really calm and relax.. will have 'i want to come again'-type of feeling.. unlike the yoga classes i did at another fitness centre, everytime i finished one class, would think like 'god, do i have to come again?'... of course the answer is yes.. because i've paid for 8 classes.. and i only did 3 so far.. too impulsive during the first class.. so i have to go there to finish up the classes i've paid for.. too bad they don't have belly dance or pop dance classes now.. or else i can switch from yoga to dance classes..
but i think this week i can't go to that fitness centre.. my body hurts from the yoga class yesterday.. hehe.. but i really can't wait for the next class though..

tomorrow i have to go to ubd.. have to start my project as soon as possible.. sometimes i wish i can start it in january, because it's holiday time now.. but sometimes i'm a bit worried that i might start too late.. i'm always in dilemma.. like i thought of keeping a hand-written diary.. so i can just say what's on my mind.. but then.. some of the things, although may be unpleasant, i wish people to know..

these days i've been thinking what kind of job i want to apply for after i finshed my project.. mimi advised me before that i should send my CV out this month.. but.. i still haven't made up my mind.. honestly... most of the time, i'm thinking about non-biological jobs.. because i wish to do something different, learn new things, meet new people.. in one of the tv shows i've watched, the guest advised young people these days should give themselves more options.. do something that requires energy or more laborious.. so we can learn more.. if after graduation, we just do something simple, or something that we only have to sit in the office and do basic paperworks... we're going to miss out lots of chances and experiences.. and probably end up with the same thing 10 years later.. there are lots of things i wish to learn.. accounting, tailoring, dancing and maybe learn more about computers.. i thought of writing too.. and i'm looking for jobs which will allow me to keep going around among places.. when i think of office work, and every day wear formal dresses, sit in front of the computer or tables... hooo... i prefer wearing t-shirts and jeans, no high heels, no air-con and going from place to place..
i know i should make up my mind... i should be clear with what i want to do next time.. but.. is it my go-with-the-flow character or pure laziness.. i don't really have any idea.. one thing for sure is, i don't plan to be someone big... i hope i can just have an ordinary life.. simple and healthy.. not too rich.. because money always brings worries..

yea~ i'm done with my exams... finished it on monday... that is day before yesterday.. then i went out with dear on that night.. because we both have finished our exams..
i must say.. Gelato ice cream is nice.. the best thing about it is.. it's claimed to be 65% less fat than normal ice-cream.. suit me so well.. hehe.. but true.. the ice-cream is nice..
we watched the movie Enchanted.. that movie makes me want to be a princess.. and it seems like telling us.. life doesn't have to be complicated.. hope is everywhere in life..

erm.. when think of the exam..very different experience this time... i didn't study as hard as the previous sems.. but then... the papers are all ok... yeah.. i might have studied or spent too much on study for the whole sem.. so towards the exam time... i feel bit reluctant to study... but.. maybe because i've paid attention during lectures.. revision was quite smooth.. none of the things seemed new to me.. except for some in biochem... that's the most difficult exam..

a lot of things to say.. but.. not the right time.. have to babysit my nephew now... next time yeah..