passing time..

apart from the fact that i'm alone at home most of the time, i'm quite enjoying my 'home-alone' time.. like.. wake up in the morning, breakfast.. watch my favourite tv show, prepare lunch.. lunch... sometimes bring my niece here.. sometimes go to ubd for my project.. then come home.. do some exercise..prepare for dinner.. wait for my cousin to reach home...dinner.. then tv time.. or spend time with dear when he's coming over.. honestly.. i like my life to be this way.. like i work on some of the days... then stay at home for the rest of the week.. what i like most is.. cracking my head for what to cook..

today i look ugly... with my hair flat and slightly oily... an it stinks.. at least for me... *sniff *sniff.. tomorrow i need to go to school.. oh gosh! thank god i have a nice-looking cap.. hope my face won't appear too big :p

these days i saw quite a lot of big lovely insects.. but i don't longer need to collect insects.. everytime when i see an insect flying near me.. i'll keep imagine that they're coming to take revenge on me.. for the sake of all their families or friends that had been killed by me..

the supplementery list is out... since a few days ago... one thing for sure is.. i passed my biochem.. hopefully i can get at least B.. actually i hope i can get A for all my courses.. but.. erm.. how to say it.. it's like.. very look forward to it but at the same time, afraid to be disappointed..
i notice i'm often end up in a dilemma.. is that how life supposed to be?? or maybe it's only my life??
in our culture here.. almost no one will dare to say yes, i'm going to get an A for the subject.. people tend to be humble.. in my case.. most of the time, i'm just trying to play safe.. sometimes will worry what if i say that and then i didn't end up with an A?? that will be embarassing.. these days... when i think about that.. i'll try to convince myself that it's nothing to be embarrassed about.. so now, although i still won't say i can get A.. at least i'll admit that i don't think i'd fail..
i don't like to be the odd one.. but.. sometimes, in some circumstances.. i just can't avoid that.. but then, if that happen, most of the time i'll keep my opinions to myself.. just to make myself to fit in.. ok.. i know i shouldn't do that.. i should be proud of myself.. but sometimes i'm really confused.. should i have faith in myself and insist on what i think? or should i accept others' thoughts? how to know if i'm not wronged? where to draw the line between self-confident and self-centred?

i envy those old people who have been through many stages of life.. that's why i like listening to old people talking about their life histories.. for me, lives of these ordinary people are much more interesting than reading history of those great leaders or heroes.. sometimes i wish i could experience life in the past.. for sure the air would be 'sweeter'.. i always think if i live in the past.. at least a few decades ago.. i wouldn't have to worry about body weights.. maybe i wouldn't have the chance to study... but perhaps i'd have learn more skills at my age now.. or maybe have a family of my own.. i'd be more capable than i am now..
really.. i think, up to now, the only thing i can do well is study... whenever people see me, they'll ask me questions like not going to school today (even on a friday) or how is my study.. it's always related to study... is it that obvious that i'm still a student?? or i have a face that looks like a book? please, don't tell me i look like a nerd.. maybe it's something to do with my temperament..
next year.. i'm going to be a better person.. like i said, i'll try to have a bigger heart.. so i'll be more patient.. and more sympathetic.. more considerate.. more good-tempered.. these days i have very tiny heart.. so i think my view also become smaller.. and as a result, my mind has become narrower.. tsk tsk tsk
nevermind.. i'll improve myself next year.. so i'll be a more capable person..
obviously, i'm in a good mood tonight ^_^