busy week

i've been going to one yoga class and two aerobic classes this week so far. So i have reached my target of 3 hours cardio exercise this week. I hadn't been exercised much lately, and that had made me lazy and heavy. After those exercise classes, i feel more energetic now and i have noticed myself being more active too. The aerobic classes weren't impressive. The only good thing about it is, it did make me sweat a lot, though not as much as my yoga class. It's hard to reject but i'll try my best to persist, because it's my money and my time.

i'm darker now! I never hate dark skin but given a choice, i'll rather be fair. Reason? Simply because fair skin allows me to look good with any colours.

At the moment, i'm considering about buying kose lotion. It's a toner, costs B$85 (200mL) or B$130 (360mL). Although i'm earning more than that now, i still find it costly. Anyone has tested on this product before?? Another product i'm considering is the miracle water of SKII. Yeah, another costly one. But the magazines and tv show i trust have all complimented on these two brands. I'm still trying to figure out if it's worthed to spend that much on my face.

i haven't been spending much time with my family this week. Because of the aerobic classes, i came home late, as in 7.30pm. I know for most young people these days, 7.30pm is nothing. But for me, that is late. I'm the type of people who thinks i should be at home before the sun set.
I surf through facebook and blogs of people in my age group sometimes. What i found is, i don't do most of the things they do. Like, partying, gathering with friends, drinking, etc. I only feel ok to be out at night when i'm out with dear or my family. Staying up till late at night is really not the type of things i'll do. My liver needs to rest starting from 11pm, and i can imagine how awful i'll feel the next day if i go to bed late. Not to mention the dark circles under my eyes and the bigger appetite i'll be getting. Gosh! It's a nightmare to me!

I feel so odd among most of my friends and relatives because of my obsession (though i don't think i'm obsessed) on healthy living. But at the same time, i'm so proud of myself for thinking this way. I'm more concerned about health than anyone in my family. So i hope, i'm not the most susceptible one to any pathogen or sickness. Remember the hygiene hypothesis..

Ok, time to sleep now. Goodnight!

something to share

The grass next door is greener. Of course, it's not always true but sometimes it's so easy for me to fall into that kind of thinking.
I saw those flowers near my house simpang the other day, when i was taking a walk at dusk. I love the atmosphere at that time. Full of golden yellow sunlight and cool evening breeze. I was fascinated by the beauty of those flowers when the sunlight fell on them.
It made me realize that i haven't been looking around this neighbourhood for quite some time. I've been looking forward to eco-trips in a few countries but actually, there are something lovely near me and i almost missed it. And really, simple things are not necessary plain while sophisticated stuffs are not always apealing.
I want to learn to appreciate what i already have, instead of keep trying to reach for something that is not crucial in life.

At the moment, i'm learning to love the way i am now. I don't have to be the best to be accepted by people, what matter most is i accept myself for who i am.

Last week, i went for my first yoga class at a yoga studio in kiulap. Today i went for my second class. I love it. After my first class, i could feel all the tensions off from my body. I felt a lot 'lighter'. And today, gosh! I can see the floor and mat covered by my sweat droplets all the time *blushed* I love the way i feel at the end of a exercise session, especially when i sweat a lot during the sesson. It's the effect of epinephrine hormones i guess. I feel accomplished!

Recently, i bought a book on LOHAS lifestyle. I have to say i'm impressed with the LOHAS way of living and i hope one day i'll be determined enough to be one of the LOHAS people.

I'm weird maybe, but i do need more courage in order to be dare enough to be different from others. But i'm trying, bit by bit and one day, i'll succeed :)

A letter to myself

Hey Jocy,

What has happened to you? I don't like the you now. When are you going to stop complaining about your life and the people around you?

Look around and appreciate what you have! Think about your easy-yet-high-pay job, think about your helpful and caring colleagues, think about your dear who is always by your side, think about your friends who have car or phone loans to pay and think about those misfortunes who have no parents or siblings or any family member at all..
Stop saying your life is miserable when you have so many things in your life! Learn to be happy with yourself. No one has a perfect life, so stop day-dreaming about everything will happen as the way you like it to be!

If you love yourself and are happy with your life, everything will turn out fine. Or else, nothing is going to please you, no matter how. If someone has hurt you, then it could be his/her fault. But if suddenly, everyone is hurting you, then you should start to be aware that YOU probably are the problematic one. Stop being sensitive and self-pity. Don't forget to think rationally and be considerate and understanding. If you could find pleasures in simple things in life easily last time, there is no reason why you can't do that now. So GAMBATE JOCY!!!


Love,
Jocy

...

the photo session with the old ladies turned out to be joyful! Of course, with old ladies around, things always become right. Thanks girls! Love you all! I must say you guys are really unique and great people!

recently, a lot of conflicts have been going on between me and a group of friends. My level of tolerance has gone far too low, i guess. I start to wonder how did i cope with certain things in the past yet now i find them unbearable. I probably need to learn about teamwork once again. Also, to make myself feel better these days, i must learn to be myself, speak my mind and persist in my likes and dislikes.

There are lots of ways to make people do as you like. I have to say, by throwing tantrums or putting up a 'black' face is one of the lousiest ways to achieve that. Yes, you can definitely make me give in (i'm going to change this fact one day) but the price for you to pay is, everyone i come across those few days is going to learn something about you and most of the time, it's something bad. Because it's really hard for me to keep my mouth shut when i'm feeling that someone has taken advantage of me, forcefully..

haih.. i hope to learn some of the ways which i can control my anger. It's really bad to get angry frequently, bad for the health, bad for the weight and bad for the skin too. I've decided to learn yoga so i can have better self-control and self-awareness. Yoga is also an excellent aerobic exercise for people at any age.

'i've got things to say, please listen to me! I believe i am loud enough, but i guess my words have little or no weight. So you guys never listen to me...please, don't ignore my opinion.. please respect my decision and my plan...'

I understand, it's all up to me. I'm the only one who can bring myself out of this awful circumstance. I need more strength..

convo...

it's been a week after the convo..
everyone seems to be still overwhemled by the excitement. I can see new photos of convo uploaded every day in facebook.

....

am i the only one who is not excited about the graduation??
my colleague laughed at me for uploading my convo pictures late. it's hard to tell him that there's nothing to be happy about my convo..

lately i found out that, actually ping wanted to go to my convo but he missed the chance. Bad me, for i never expected him would want to go. In my mind, ping and study are just like ice and fire. He never likes study, although i'm sure he is a lot cleverer than me. Maybe the education system here doesn't suit those clever, fast-learner people well.
i never asked him if he wants to go, also because he was working on that day.
One of my aunts too wished to go but gave the chance to my grandpa, because she knew that seats were limited.
So it turned out that there are people who were more than willing to come to my convo.. quite a lot of them, but the number didn't include my parents.. anyway, it's over now.

i want to continue with master study and enjoy the graduation later, since i don't have any sweet memory about my first degree convo.

tomorrow there will be 2 group photo sessions for me. Same day, same place but different groups of friends and at different time.
I.. don't wish to go actually. I really wish to get over the convo as soon as i can. But will i regret next time if i don't take group photo now?
Should i force myself to do something i don't enjoy just to make sure i don't feel regret next time or should i just follow my heart?
everyone seems to think it is important but i feel 'bitter' whenever i'm among them.. i'm too caught up with my own emotion to enjoy the happiness of my friends.

i know many of you are proud of me (I do read your comment, sz!) but no matter how big the number is, i still feel dissatified.
Thanks for all your compliments and comforts. I'm pulling myself together slowly so don't worry.
In fact, most of the time, i'm just normal, like usual. I always believe time can heal any wound.

Oh yeah! I feel proud tonight, because i have my mom and dad pocket money! Haha! Although it's not much, still, it's the heart that counts.