announcement

i'm going labuan tomorrow..
exam result not yet out..so slow eh...
lots of things to say..but..nevermind...
see you guys next year...Happy New Year!

midnight

went to watch king kong just now...i think it's a lot better than narnia...more exciting...quite sad though the ending...but i'm the type who always prefer tragedy...just wonder why that carl didn't die...he's the one who started everything yet he's alive till the end...this time i managed to hold back my tears...the ending very sad oh...if the king kong didn't fall in love with the girl..he wouldn't have to die...watching this kind movie always makes me feel embarassed of human...people do whatever they can just to get money and fame...even if what they do will bring harms to other...they always take other life forms for granted..

my mom went to labuan lor...next week..by the time lee shi is back..i'd be in labuan i guess..going there for a week..the trapping in ukong starts on 1st..but don't think i'll be back by that time..

i never really like talking with elders...especially my grandma, my aunt and my godmom..because i never know what can be said what can't be said...and most of the time i can feel the generation gap between me and them...with my mom, i can speak the truth and how i really think...but with them...it's so hard...i just don't click with them...
but i know..i should never avoid to talk with them..because they're my family...
sometimes i'm amazed by the magic of family bond...only my family can makes me love them even if i'm not happy wth the things they're doing...if my brother is just one of my friends..i'll probably black listed him...:)

quite late now...i've got to wake up on time tomorrow because i'm picking sharon up at 11..going lunch..shopping and massage..i'm so in love with body massage now...wish it could really solve my body pain and shape up my figure...but i'm still bit full...had supper just now after the movie so don;t plan to sleep soon...maybe i'll finish one novel...
i miss fook...he's coming back soon..on saturday...when i see him i'm going to hug him...sure will be very nice to hug..because i'm sure he's put on weight during his vacation in labuan...

:D

yea...my mom's coming back tomorrow...although she's going labuan on thursday again..it's nice to have more people at home with me..even for just one night..hehe :)

guess lizzy should have reached korea now...one day i'll go for vacation too...to destination that need few hours flight...hehe..i want to go japan..
just now recevied sms saying tomorrow's training postpone...good lah..or else i'll have to miss it..but tomorrow morning i don't think i can join mimi them at anna's place lor..unless my mom can reach home before noon...
wish to eat steamboat eh...but steamboat need a lot of people to eat together oh..if just me my mom fook..boring eh...but if too many people eat together..my house dining table is not big enough..

hey mimi you guys..save money now...so we can go to RBC buffet before we start studying..if can..we go red chili again to have steamboat buffet...
haha...guess i have to be more keen to jog lor...

i don't feel lonely anymore..my mom called..then my sis asked me to go over to have dinner..my brother wants to bring me out for dinner also...it's like..when dinner time come..everyone will invite me...and my sis, bro-in-law and eshyn have been here these two nights to keep me company...so i feel more comfort now..hehe..

again..

whenever i look at my sis, my bro-in-law and eshyn...i'm always tempted to start my own family....my sis makes me believe as long as you don't give up hope..anything can happen..and nothing can stop you from your happiness...
but then...i'm not my sis...my type of personality won't allow me to marry at early age and start a family before i'm financially affordable...and for me..giving birth is easy..but upbringing a kid is a huge challenge..too adventurous for me at the moment...hehe..

bit cloudy now..but hope it won't rain...because i'm going jogging with anna and mama..because i don't like rainy night...because i'm going to be alone at home tonight...i want 0% chance of blackout...i'm anti-black..never like darkness....i mean complete darkness...i feel insecure and can't breathe when there's 100% darkness...but hehe..i can see sunlight now...yea~
lizzy and mimi both in bandar so probably can't join us...

just now went to shop...bought myself a t-shirt and a dress...a dress oh people...hehe..i'm a bit fed-up with myself wearing jeans all the time...so willing to make a change...plus..next year i'll be 21..a significant age for us..i'm going to become a lady...how fast time flies...i'm saying goodbye to my teenage..hehe..wonder will i be still this erm..glad when i enter my 40s...
anyway..i'm thinking maybe i can start wearing some of the new skirts and clothes i bought for chinese new year...because there's no way i can wear them all during the chinese new year..unless i don't have to go to school...last time when i was younger..i never have problem with clothes..i just needed a few tees (XL size) and a few pairs of trousers..but now..i have more choices..so i always have more than enough clothes...i need more accessories actually...but..not compulsory...plus i better save my money up..been spending a lot for the christmas...

sometimes i do wish i could have a husband now...like..i already had bf...so i know how it feels to have one...but i never have a hubby..wonder how does it feel to be a Mrs instead of Miss...just a crazy thought of mine...

tomorrow night i'm watching king kong...these days can't find the food that can satisfy my taste bud....i dont know what i'm looking for...but i do know i'm looking for something that can make me feel surrender when i eat it...

i have bigger tummy now...thank god i'm not celebrity or else rumours about me getting pregnant will be heard lor...
hm...continue later if i got things to say..

home alone again

i feel like i'm abandoned lah..my mom has gone to KK..fook in labuan..lizzy going korea tomorrow..mimi probably in lawas soon.ping always goes out..ta jie seldom comes here when mom's not around...haih..all the VIPs in my life is far away from me eh...
not sure what time will mom reach here on wednesday...can't confirm with faye whether i can make it for the training..
i actually was a bit reluctant for today to come..because the moment i wake up..i'm already alone..
what to do today and tomorrow...hmm..maybe watch dvds at home..
maybe can do some exercises...i need to move myself because i'm getting lazier and heavier..
wish to go jogging ah~~~ but no companion..and i dont feel safe to jog alone..but if others can jog alone..me too right...

listening to new song..

went to a christmas gathering with my sis...first time eating turkey..nice..like roasted chicken to me..except that turkey flesh is harder..but i like it...really nice...but..as usual..i'm not familiar with the family so i just pretend that i've eaten enough lah..haha...i wonder who started saying eating only a little bit of the food is one of the manner of a lady...if that's the case..then i'm only a lady when i'm with strangers eh...

probably going massage again with meimei on thursday...i think i'm a good customer..because i keep recommending people to go there...first time oh meeting meimei eversince she came back from aussie..actually i still feel a bit guilty for not sending her off when she left last time..i also feel the same to goh oh..but don't think i'll let him know...we're off contact now too...but feel glad for him for his graduation...still a long way for him to go..

i need someone to talk to...but i'm choosy when come to sharing deepest thoughts...sms is not enough for me...and i don't talk to anyone...i only want to talk with people who already know about what happened..don't think i have the patience to explain everything from the beginning..
everytime..in the end i'll turn to jason...and he's always there for me...
i was bit shocked just now..because of something...what he said keeps replaying in my mind..can't remember for how long tht i never think about a thing for this deep..deep till i got headache...the timing between us is always mismatch..
pointless to talk about it now..because i already told him my decision...but i really wish to talk about it...because more things become clear in my mind...

saturday..

i've read her blog just now..hmm...she reminded me of the way i felt before..
because sensed the difference between me and my best friends..so thought i'm losing them..but i've got over that feeling now...now i'd say it's silly to feel that way lor...no matter how much a person change...friendship lasts...so i think i'd mistaken the less in contact as no friends..but now it's all over lah..

the massage is fun...i'd like to go again...i hope one day i can completely get rid of my shoulder pain...and really hope massage can really help me to shape up my figure..

lost the mood to blog liau..till here..

:)

there's a lot of things in my mind...but i don't know how to put them in words..just last night..i could imagine what i'll say to lizzy when we meet later...but now..i don't know how to tell her...since when i'm so used to keep the negative feelings inside me...haih...
really wish i could be like others...cry and laugh in front of my close friends...or maybe i'm jus too dependent on jason...
i'm not blaming nining..i just really think after meeting her, i'm affected...she kept reminding me about me and jason...keep assuring we'll be together again..keep asking me do i still love him..
she's trying to cheer me up..eventhough i told her i'm really ok now...
i don't know will we still have fate to be together..but..at the moment..i prefer not to be hopeful about it..even if got chance..that'll take a few years to come true..i don't wish to wait for something that i'm not sure will happen..don't want to love someone so close yet cannot be together..that'll make me depress..i really think the only way i can enjoy my life..can make time flies is by letting go of the feeling...if really meant to be together..the feeling will be back at the right time...if refusing to forget, that's not fate...
but...all this while..i just accept all the things he does for me...because i can't bear to reject him..and most likely...because i enjoy it too...
aint i a bitch...i let him continue to act as my bf but i just remind myself he's just a friend of mine...haih...

a fruitful day

i went shopping just now..bought a lot of gifts oh...although i spent almost $200, overspent actually, i'm still feeling great...it's really hard to stop buying when you keep seeing things that are cute and nice..
tomorrow going massage with lee shi...hope tomorrow morning is not too late to make reservation..i forgot to call just now...forgetful me...
hehe..i wonder my good mood tonight has anything to do with the fact that 2 persons today said me slim haha..
but i think i forgot to buy a christmas gift for myself...wish to have a new shoulder bag to use for school..though i just bought one this year..hehe..

lizzy...i love your new blog design....feel very...hm...don't know how to describe it...romantic..and soft..a bit surprise oh when i saw it just now...

sz..i thought you promise not to include my blog as your links...:

had lunch with nining today...she told me she loves the way i used to call her..ningning...but i called her that because i pronounced her name wrongly...she received a prize for her book this afternoon..congrats eh...she's an author oh...but her book is written in malay...so i never think of reading it...bad me..:p

i think i've hurt him...and i hate myself for that...although i know hurting him is inevitable..
i really hope i could've handled it better...haih..
actually i'm selfish..and hypocrite...i don't want him to be too nice to me...but aint i doing the same thing to him too...haih...

correction

i said the name of the skincare product wrongly...not bioglo or something..it's blanc de blanc...hehe

hey sz..don't luan luan think..me and him are really friends...perhaps we're a little bit more than friends at the moment..but it's definitely not couple..

don't worry lah lizzy..i'm ok ah...i know i'm fatter now...even my mom's friends said so ah..as for the scale..i usually don't trust it 100% because the weight is affected by other factors..like hormonal changes...i don't go on strict diet...don't do work outs excessively...i still eat what i like..just limit the amount nia lah...i'm taking my time to shake the feeling of 'i'm fat' off me lah..i know too slim isn't a good thing...but i just don't like to feel i'm fat...
oh yeah...study showed women with pear shape..that is more fats on the legs and lower body..show lower risk of heart disease oh.. so people, proud of your big legs and thighs..if you have them..

i think i'm the type who like to stay at home..even if nothing to do...
tomorrow going lunch with nining...long time didn't see her..miss that girl...wonder how much has she changed..she's getting hot these days i suppose...
last night bee gave me ken's msn.. added him...and this afternoon..i realized it's not chee ken..this ken she meant is kenny..hehe..big misunderstanding..but they're so sweet...their nicks in msn are the same oh..and from the way bee talk about them..seems like kenny dotes on her a lot oh...sweetttt..hehe...glad to know my friend has such wonderful lovelife...

...

in the end, i didn't go for my facial treatment..my mom postponed it to tomorrow morning...can't say i'm not disappointed about it..because i've been looking forward to it since last week..well..
i'm ok now...thanks to jason..he always cheers me up...

i haven't got bored of my holiday...yet...although i do nothing every day except watching tv, online, eating and sleeping..oh god..i still haven't shed off those extra pounds..
just now in the afternoon..while i was thinking how to slim down...out of the blue, a question hit me..why am i so anxious about my weight...i mean...do i need to lose those weights in order to be adorable?? my conclusion is...my mind is just too free..plus..holiday is always the time i care for my look...
i need to learn how to shape my own eyebrows..

there's something i find interesting..and like to share with whoever reading my blog...
year is ending..2006 is coming...i bet a lot of people will make a list of their new year's revolution...here..i've got 21 new year's revolution..which you should never make..according to CLEO:
1- i'll cook proper meal every night.
2- i'll get a personal trainer to monitor my fitness.
3- i won't let PMS get the better of me.
4- i'll have more sex! (hehe :p)
5- i'll exercise for 30 minutes every day.
6- i'll think positive all the time.
7- i'll be in bed by 10pm every night.
8- i'll never shout at my family again.
9- i'll never drink alcohol again.
10- i'll do more for others.
11- i'll give up snack food.
12- i'll go to the gym every day.
13- i'll stop buying things i don't need.
14- i'll only buy fresh food.
15- i'll give up chocolate for good.
16- i'll give up all my bad habits at once.
17- i'll do 100 sit-ups a day to get a flat tummy.
18- i'm going to lose 5kg by month-end.
19- i'll be more organized.
20- i'll keep in touch with all my friends.
21- i will get thinner thigh.

i just realized one thing now..it's been a long time that i didn't go to any party...so..if anyone now invites me to party..such as christmas party, new year's eve party and bla bla..i'll probably crack my head for deciding what to wear...but i enjoy the dilemma...like to go through all those selecting clothes, earrings, bracelets, bags and shoes processes...

i still haven't worked out the plan for my christmas and new year's eve..

my weekend

last night went to watch Narnia with jason...
i know..in others' eyes, we looked as if we're couple...but..really...friends can watch movie together too..can go out and have dinner...right?? we know what's between us know..so people, stop guessing..especially you swait zin :p

not bad ah the movie...i like the beavens...and..i wonder..most of the time..lion is pictured as king and someone nice...seldom the bad guys..
narnia...not the kind of movie i'll watch for the second time lor...still thinking shall i ask anyone out to watch king kong..

my mom's going to KK soon..which means i have to look after this house again...dr charles advised me to stay in hostels when it comes to third and forth year..because we're gonna need a lot of library works..and i was thinking maybe i should...so when i wish to be alone or not bothered by anyone..i've got at least a place to hide..i hope...plus...now i have some friends staying in hostel..would it be rude if i don't join them often?? it seems like a tradition kind of things that friends who stay in hostel always gather together...but if me..that's a no no because it'll delay a lot of the assignments...especially for people like me, who need some time to finish one piece of work...

most of the things my family do for leisure aren't what i'm interested in...but..once in a while, i'll like to take part too...i guess it's because my interest only comes once in a while..so they tend to forgot i'd wish to join them too...so a lot of the time, they just count me out without asking me..and can't believe i only realized this today...i'd always been thinking that they take me for granted...feel guilty for that...ungrateful too..

tomorrow i'm going for my facial treatment...bit looking forward to it...
and i think i've found mates to go jogging...god! i bet i've put on quite a lot of weight...although the scale didn't show that..i just know it...from the clothes i wear and the way i feel...and i just had my supper just now...oh my god! i'm supposed to be keeping fit all this while...or else i won't be able to fit into those skirts i've bought for the coming chinese new year..
so gambate to keep fit eh..

i'm still thinking how to spend my christmas...and then new year's eve...hmm..

something to share:
lemon juice is believed to immobilize sperms if the juice is wipe on the vagina before sex sex..but this way of contraception is still not scientifically proven..
in thailand, human trial is currently undergoing to see if lemon juice can really kill HIV...

home alone

i forgot to mention one thing that happened on wednesday...i got stopped during a road block..because of the sunshield at the back of my car...first time eh...only remember it when my aunt called this morning to ask what happened...someone must have told my cousin about it..and my cousin told my grandma...made my grandma worried...big mouth eh..

spent my whole afternoon home..sleep while watching in her shoes...not a bad movie..about sisterhood...then also finished reading CLEO...starting with FEMALE soon..

i feel grateful..because a lot of people have been caring to me...my mom called at least once a day while she's away to make sure i'm alright...the first thing she asks will be am i alone...then my sis offered to stay the night here tonight...although i think with her eshyn around, it'll be too much trouble :P hehe..but my niece has angelic look..which makes everything not a problem...we all agree that eshyn is a devil with angel face oh...then i remember everytime for field trip..dr charles will ask if i'm alright..while on he way to the field and on the way back...maybe i'm the junior...and of course..no matter what happen..jason is around...and mimi is a call away..i remember that oh mi...hehe...also lee shi will be there for me to consult whenever i need advices....and i think swait zin has been trying his best to help me to get out of the loneliness...

actually swait zin...i think i was wronged...i have friends..all the time...but it's just me and my laziness that made me misunderstood that i'm alone...how can a person be lonely when she has so many cares and loves around her right...

i realized oh...during holiday...i can stay at home for days without stepping out from my house oh...just like..on the first day i got my exam...my car felt so strange..as if i hadn't been driving for ages...

i'm waiting for the 10.30 series at channel 38 now...it's so nice the story...typical though...a bad guy and a good girl fell in love...the guy called himself devil...so that girl is the angel that comes to rescue him...but a bit complicated..because their parents are marrying with each other soon...so soon they'll be siblings...
like other girls..me too will dream of me, as a gentle and nice girl, fell in love with a bad bad guy and from then on..the bad guy starts to behave himself because of me...hehe...daydreaming..
but i know..in reality...i usually wont go for those 'bad guys'...just like jay zhou...i think what makes him so popular among girls is partly the mysterious and that hard-to-tame feeling his appearance gives people...sometimes i do think jay is better looking than pan wei bo lah..
because pan wei bo...ok ok lah his face..but then..looking at him makes my heart beat faster...
like his voice...and his dances...but im not so into rapper...he's an exception..hehe..

mom's away

thought i could make it on time to go to labuan with my mom today...in the end..turned out that she went to labuan earlier than she said she'd go..anyway..i'm a tiny bit disappointed but it's ok..i can go there by myself one of these days...since i'm free and a lot of my friends are going abroad..plus i wish to travel alone for once....yup..i've been thinking about that since a couple of days ago..i'll save and then go for vacation alone...

this morning i joined dr charles group and we went back to the forest in ukong again...only till then i know why people get lost in the jungle easily...the forest seemed so different from the way i remember it was...i dont think we can still remember our track without the transverse line..
i cant wait to see the pictures and video taken by the camera traps...should be interesting..

yesterday we went to the mall..me, lizzy, mimi, anna, mama and hannie...lizzy's sister also watched the movie with us...i like her hair..looks very healthy and long...i like the way most of you interact with your family...because..as far as i can remember, i never fight with my siblings eversince secondary school maybe..or maybe before that...we kids never joke with my father...with him, it's always one-sided communication..he talked and we listened...i mean...i'm very polite and formal when with my family...since young...maybe that's why i feel tired sometimes when i'm with my family...feel like..too many things to take care of...
ok...i was supposed to talk about yesterday...we watched movie..a horror one...that is like..the first horror movie i watched since ages ago...because among all the movies available, only horror movies haven't been watched by all of us...and i feel bad if we don't watch it just because of me alone...but i won't tell people i watched the fog...because i didn;t really watch...i was just listening most of the time...and one more thing..when all of us get together, it's always eating, eating and eating...but it's really fun...i had a great time yesterday...time with them are always filled with laughters..we joke about anything...

need to trim my hair..it's going out of shape...i checked my bank account yesterday..and well..2 months allowances have been out..which demotivate me more to work...i just found out today that we dont have to go to the field anymore this year...but..since i already told my godmom that i can't work for her...i'll just enjoy my holiday..get enough rest...get myself fully charged, ready for next semester....plus i dont plan to do too much thing for my hair now..because my hair falls a lot..so i better avoid any chemical process to my hair before i turn bald...
but i'm planning to spend money on my skin product though...thinking to change because i'm fed-up with greasy skin...guess i'll go to the place my mom always does her facial...not sure what's the name of the brand...something bioglo and bioglo...or what..the logo is 2 small b facing opposite sides..i hope it won't be too expensive...but i guess it won't harm to spend a little bit more to make myself looking good...wish i could have crystal clear skin...everyone wish i guess..

i think i'll take a nap...feel tired...and i've got lots to read..novels, magazines, journal...i'll just go to the saloon tomorrow...mom's not home..fook's not home...so i'm not cooking...maybe just try to survive on something simple...let's say...crackers and milk...or...sandwiches...erm..well i'm not a bread person...
sometimes i think i'm bit too harsh on myself when it comes to spending...but still i spend a lot..hmm...we'll see...
ok..i'm sleepy now...though i still wish to go out..

girls' hangout

spent the whole afternoon at anna's place..watched 2 movies..and some gossips...
lizzy...you're right..the ending of the movie is predictable...her mom came eventually and she astonished the audience...but she still lost to her colleage...but she won a kiss from teddy..hehe..
love to spend my time like that in th afternoon...friends are the best medicine when you lost your bf...
tomorrow we're going to the mall to watch movie again...
today been eating a lot of fried chickens and junk food...should try to eat less tomorrow..

going for fieldtrip on thursday...looking forward to that..after all those i ate this afternoon..and probably tomorrow...exercise is what i need..or else i'll be sooo~ guilty and worried...i can still feel the fried chicken in my tummy..

i'm happy...because the feeling that 'i'm-so-lucky' has come back to me...it never leaves me..but has been weakened for the past few weeks..i'm glad it's strong again...

hmm.what else i want to say...forgot lor..

new specs

had a new specs lor..this time it's not more frameless...erm...i don't really know how to judge whether nice or not...but my mom, siau and ah jiau yiyi said it suits me..so..well..
my degree has increased quite a lot...that's why need to make a new one...the old one only gives me a blur vision...have to remember not to lie down while i read..and never never read when tired..as for those microscopic things...cant avoid much lah

because of the specs...i spent most of the money on specs...and another half on cds...finally got my pan wei bo's album...got his pictures...soooo~ cute...and charming..just like usual...erm...no..more charming than before..hehe...he'll be an ideal bf...but i won't want a bf like that kua..too 'dangerous' liau...

getting broke now...but look forward to tomorrow's hangout at anna's place..

i think for people like me..who go to miri only once or twice a year..B$300 is minimum amount i need..till here lah..need to shower lor

hehe overall..i'm excited with what i've bought today..

this sunday..

had lunch nihon no ryori with swait zin just now..talked a lot..because my mouth was tired..hehe...we spent about 2 hours at the restaurant there...then also thank him oh for walking around with me to look for a phone...

yup..finally i've bought myself a new mobile phone...this time..quite cheap $198..because only got basic function of a handphone...nothing special..what attracts me is it's look..as usual..hehe..and it's not a nokia oh..it's a sony ericsson again..what to do...i only have a budget of $300 and none of the nokias look nice to me..

i have extra money left..so can buy a new pair of sneakers...and more clothes..thinking to buy a dress this time..hehe...become so girly oh me...

went lim teh with bee yesterday after exam...i left very early for the nihongo no exam oh...i wanted to leave early..so i can finish my exam early...we had a long talk...envy her love life with her kenny...they're so sweet..and i feel great to know i can talk so much with an old friend..

swait zin was right...i got a lot of friends what...problem is...not all friends are comfortable to talk with ah...i like to talk with people who won't gossip lah...so the gossip will end from him or her..

i'd like to apologize to someone...i'm sorry...for being so childish...hope you won't mind...
maybe you don't know i'm refering to you but...that's it lah..:)

also went lim teh with uncle and suaike just now..this morning...one thing good about going out with uncle is..he'll drive...i didn't ask him to drive oh..he paid for the meal also...but because of him..i need to work lah...or else i plan to not working this holiday...big-mouthed uncle...in front of my godmom he asked you don't want to ask her to work for you....when my godmom said she doesn't have enough cashier...when he said that..how can i pretend that my godmom has enough helpers and no need further help...bad bad uncle...so i'm not grateful for his treat at all..plus..he disturbed my sleep this morning..if not because of him..i'd have slept more this morning...

one more to go

i would say...out o the 8 exams (including practicals) i'd sit for...the animal bio written exam was the worst...but i did manage to answer all questions...and i saw quite a few people left early for that exam...last exam is always very demotivating...
but it's not my last...it's my second last..but i feel as though i've finished all...because my mind automatically register that all the difficult exams are over...so i feel very tempted to go wild..hehe..nevermind i'll just my revision tomorrow..
and i'm not going to go near the scale..i'm sure i've put on weights...because i eat a lot..it's exam time..so keeping fit is out of my mind...most of it lah...

meimei is back...she's saying we can hang out after the exam..and i think she means all of us..
maybe can organize a reunion or something...we'll see..
haven't told my godmom that i wish to work for her...maybe tomorrow lah..hope she agree..

my mom has gone to miri...i don't really like it when i reach home and find no one's at home...
so i guess i'm not the type of people who can live alone...because i like to have people at my place..

i think i've put in more effort in this exam...because i think i look awful every day..with dark rings, pimples...today my lips started to crack..and been having mouth ulcers since revision week...and i always feel exhausted after each exam...tuesday was the worst...i don't longer think it's fun to have 2 exams on the same day..although i feel very accomplished that i've made it....it's just exhausting because both exams need me to memorize things...
but i think the most tiring one will be my right hand...so many things to write...but it's better than nothing to write lah..

a lot of things i need to buy....i think i'll make a list..so i won't miss out anything...