:)

there's a lot of things in my mind...but i don't know how to put them in words..just last night..i could imagine what i'll say to lizzy when we meet later...but now..i don't know how to tell her...since when i'm so used to keep the negative feelings inside me...haih...
really wish i could be like others...cry and laugh in front of my close friends...or maybe i'm jus too dependent on jason...
i'm not blaming nining..i just really think after meeting her, i'm affected...she kept reminding me about me and jason...keep assuring we'll be together again..keep asking me do i still love him..
she's trying to cheer me up..eventhough i told her i'm really ok now...
i don't know will we still have fate to be together..but..at the moment..i prefer not to be hopeful about it..even if got chance..that'll take a few years to come true..i don't wish to wait for something that i'm not sure will happen..don't want to love someone so close yet cannot be together..that'll make me depress..i really think the only way i can enjoy my life..can make time flies is by letting go of the feeling...if really meant to be together..the feeling will be back at the right time...if refusing to forget, that's not fate...
but...all this while..i just accept all the things he does for me...because i can't bear to reject him..and most likely...because i enjoy it too...
aint i a bitch...i let him continue to act as my bf but i just remind myself he's just a friend of mine...haih...