midnight

yeah mizah...it's the RBC restaurant at the airport...mimi book the seats for 7.30pm...it's roughly $30 per person..

don't worry lizzy..we can go again when you're back from temburong ;)
hope you have a nice time there...and be careful with everything...bring some medicine for emergency cases...if possible..bring vitamin supplements too..since there's been quite a lot of diseases or sickness recently..
i wish i could go to patoi too..

didn't get to make any dumplings today....but i'm not disappointed...because the main reason i wanted to try is to help my grandma...this year she's doing it by her own...

went to see sensei...i'm joining the japanese speech competition...if i can get through the pre-selection..if there's any...sometimes i still feel the fear when i think of it...but i just don't want to get defeated..

erm...not a good day for me today..

oppsss

i made a mistake...i 'pandai-pandai' linked lizzy's looking forward to tonight to mizah's some people got plan for tonight...
sorry sorry sorry..really sorry~! (blushed)

lizzy...i think at the moment, anyone can misunderstand you but not mac...good luck to you oh *hugz*

mizah..we're planning to go to RBC on this saturday night at 7.30pm...i already asked mimi to count you in...so..come and eat with us..

today..i helped my grandma to wrap dumplings...feel so accomplished...it's my first time! and i feel one step closer to becoming a housewife...next time my husband can eat my dumplings..which will be different from dumplings we can buy outside...hehe

i think i'm sick...i feel guilty when i eat at not-meal time...oh my god!! i need to relax myself... i'll be fine..
can't stop craving for instant noodles and junk food now...

sunday

last night went to blue cafe and swenson with dear...soooo full....this kind of things..can only happen once in a long while...or else i can't imagine how will i look...but i had a nice time last night...the food was nice...though expensive..

next saturday night i'll join mimi them for buffet at RBC...oh my god~ another big feast...
mizah...mimi mentioned to invite you but i told her you'll be in temburong by the time...that's why i didn't sms you....

for me...i don't need a lot of friends...as long as i have some close ones...and it's ok to be left behind whenever there's any outing...i didn't know about the saturday night things too ah...only knew it when i read lizzy's blog..and yours....of course it's different for me and you...because i might not enjoy hanging out with them...just have that difficulty in fitting in with the group...
can't say i took this easily...i had suffered a lot of this last year...until i finally realized there's no one else can help me to enjoy my life...it's just pointless to change myself just to have friends... and friends don't necessary mean that we have to be together all the time..or very often... my friends know me well, understand me...and hopefully i know and understand them well in return...
like my aunt said..it's normal to feel awkward and quiet with friends you have once close with as you grow up...everyone is changing all the time...either to be more similar or more different...
and i believe no matter where i go...i can find myself friends...maybe i'm closer to my family now..so i know even if the worst comes..i still have my family...so i will never be alone...

yong ming is back...and hong hwa is finishing his exam soon...i feel an urge to meet a lot of my friends who i've been neglecting during study time...like yong ming..hong hwa..ah fei..ah bee..chiou...

i had an unsatisfying lunch...or brunch....so my mind is still searching for something else to eat..just to make myself feel better...food is a good comfort for all time.. :)

sz..don't be too grateful to me for reading your blog oh :P ...im sure others read your blog too lah..in a quiet way maybe...

:)

until form 4, my ambition was to become a teacher...and now..teaching would be my last option...
should i feel happy for my flexibility?? :p honestly, how many teaching jobs are there and how many teachers graduate from UBD each year...i feel worry sometimes for those friends who are taking teaching courses...
and who stick to her/his ambition all the way till the person achieve it...i changed mine...and i remember meimei used to say she wanted to be an accountant...and now she's on her way to become a doctor...all the best to everyone...including me...for our future..

lee shi...maybe you can try ear-candling...read that it's helpful for migraine..

i'm anticipating for tomorrow's night...hope everything will go smoothly..

yesterday the body massage was ok...but too bad she didn't massage my tummy...got that feeling like...massaging helps in toning...hmm...

i hit someone's car yesterday...actually i got a fright...but...i realized..the stronger the feeling in me, the quieter i become...i only manage to speak my real thoughts when i'm with dear..and sometimes with siao and my mom....or when i'm with myself....don;t know why and when i become this way...
when i think of telling my true ideas...there's a fear in me that people will think i'm absurd..or abnormal...had enough of that kind of feeling i guess...it's hurt especially when the person who makes you feel so is someone you trust...
enough of that...

cant watch reaching for the stars with my laptop...something's wrong with the vcds...because i think my laptop is perfectly alright...

wish to start my own family...wish to have a husband....wish to be a housewife...
everytime when i think of my future career...i never reject the idea that i probably won't work according to my degree...it's a bit selfish though..i'm using the government's money to study biological science but what i think i want to end up with...is to have my own cafe or tea house...that's one of the reasons that i don't plan to further my study to master..if i have the chance...also taking medicine courses...
so i must get a better-than-average degree...plus...i want to be financially-independent as soon as possible...because i'm very proud...so i don't want to rely on my father..and because i want to give my mom a good life...so i want to give her a life which she never has to worry about money..
i also want to buy things i want without having to plan so thoroughly before buying...
i don't love money...but i want it and need it...

*blank*

swait zin has a long list of things he wishes...my god! swait zin...don't always look forward to things you can't have....appreciate what you're having now...

nining asked if i want to go jerudong park to meet her tomorrow night...she's going there with suaike..i told her no..because i cant make it...but actually...i just don't feel like driving at night...and i'll feel like a bulb if i'm there i guess...

i'm still not sure if i want to join the japanese speech competition...if i join..i'll probably talk about my mom..just the thought of giving speech on stage in front of a crowd scares me...

reading those novels..or watching those love stories...makes me cant stop imagining about prince and romantic love stories...those movies...they create more dreams for girls like us..and teach guys how to win a girl's heart..

tomorrow i'm going for body massage..with lee shi...yea~~ and am going to buy the cleanser and toner oh...can't wait to start a good skincare regime..hehe..
i'm so conscious about my looks now...that sometimes..eating junk food makes me feel guilty...provided i dont exercise on the same day...oh my god...just like today...i ate half a packet of corn chips..and one pack of maggie...i feel so fattttt....
i'm the type of people who needs encouragement a lot...if you tell me i'm fat while i'm dieting..i'll lose the determination...but if you tell me i've become slimmer...i'll have more courage to go on..

rainy night

i went to the presentations just now at ubd....can't say i learnt a lot of things...after the coffee break, i was feeling bored and sleepy most of the time...projects on animal behaviours were more interesting...but i still prefer to do plants...how come there's no such course as plant behaviour...hm..

mizah..i've watched that the prince that turns into a frog too...finished that in 2 consecutive nights...another thing that can make me staying up all night long besides novels...
you know what...just now there was this show on AEC...ming dao was the guest...he talked about his childhood...he's the prince in the movie..but in reality, he is the frog that has turned into a prince now...he used to be poor...selling dried fish and prawns in the market until he entered uni... and he won the golden clock award on hosting a programme within 2 years time..which amazed quite a lot of people....one of the things that make him so popular now is the movie the prince that turns into a frog...because this movie is far more popular than the meteor garden...
i never really sit down and watch the meteor garden...don't know why...maybe because i didn't really like those actors at that time...
but for this frog prince one..it;s different...i like the both the actor and actress...what i like about this company's movies is...in one movie, you can see a lot of idols...like all members of 183 club, 5566, 7 duo hua...my uncle has that love magicians too...but i don't want to watch it until all the episodes are completed...they're still shooting it now in taiwan...
on the 3rd of june...one of the taiwanese channels is going to show the movie which a Bruneian has played a main role...he's the boss of Fitness Zone....erm...not the type of guy i admire...he's too...fair and not man enough for me...

i'm getting bored of holidays...but cant relax yet...because my students are having exam now...after the form 2...the form 1 will be having exam...until mid june...haih...no hope for patoi trip...how i wish i could go...i was looking forward to the night watch....

june is coming...meaning the mid year sale will be back soon...sale eh...but...i change to a new strategy...i'm not going to shop at those shops which can bargain or sells their stuffs at low prices...those shops will only make me spend more...i need to organize my money carefully now so i can compensate for things i like...such as body massage, facial...
i love the feeling when i reward myself with treatments at hair or beauty saloons....it's like..i'm pampering myself...

still not sure if i'm joining the japanese speech competition...still can't find a topic yet...

supposed to sleep now....
good luck with your observations mama and lina....have fun :)
ohh~ i'm craving for instant noodles and corn chips right now...but when i think of my skin condition and my weight...haih....nevermind...i'll try to find a chance to eat them...pun sia sia

oh my god!

i just found out from a link from jolin tsai's blog...look at jolin, and also yang cheng ling..aren't they petite? but they're actually taller than me by a few cm...i must be looking like a potato if i ever stand near them...nevermind..even if potato..i'll be the sweet potato...because it's sweet~
oh yeah...i have to remember to tell my mom not to peel the skin off next time when she steam the sweet potatoes...i need the fibre in the skin...

supposed to be sleeping now..because have a tuition tomorrow morning...got 3 students now..and i feel proud of myself eh :P in one single tuition session, 3 students and i speak 3 different languages/dialects...i speak english with one, mandarin with the second one and hokkien to the last one...

mimi..are you joinin the speech contest?? i haven't got any topic in my mind but i'm thinking to go to sensei to ask for more info...maybe next week..let me know if you want to go too oh..

my niece is soo adorable...she picks up words very fast...now..learning from me..she know how to say oh no! oh my god! and oh oh!
but i think she's starting to get confused now...always use the 'wo' and 'ni' wrongly..when i tried to teach her...she just replace those with 'eshyn'....clever but impatient niece..

just now on tv...there's this girl..they call her 'siau S'...she used to be very fit..now she still looks good...after giving birth to a baby girl...but still a bit plump when compare to before...
i wonder will i willing to take the risk of losing my figure now to give birth to a child...i put in really lots and lots of effort to go from 70 plus kg to now..although im not light now...found out that my current weight is under the category of pre-overweight the other day when i accompanied my grandma to the clinic...my BMI is 23 eh...wish to have it at 21..
i've been telling people, especially those who dont see me often, a lot of times that i don't just shed those pounds overnight...they like to ask me how do i slim down...but..if they really want to know, i'll need hours to tell...because i tried a lot of methods and lost those weights little by little over a period of...erm...3 to 4 years time...
of course..the most effective way is still exercise...when my determination to lose weight is very high, i do workouts every day...almost all the time...

one thing i learnt from the tv today...some people take slimming tea or pills that can cause diarrhea to lose weights...that's very dangerous...when your large intestine starts to get dependent on that, it won't work by its own...by that time, the large intestine is considered to be useless...and the doctor might even just chop it off from your digestive system..urrghhh..
but normal slimming tea..those we can get over-the-counter...have no effect on me anymore... this is not the effect of dieting oh...because it started long before i started to diet...

i hope tomorrow is a smooth day for me..and for everyone i know... :)

holiday..you sure?

gosh..i feel like i'm even more tired now then when i was still having exam...my niece seems like becoming my responsibilty at home..and she is not cooperative at all...too active and energetic.. although she's cute and looks adorable...then my students are having their exam very soon..which makes me a bit pressurized...i'm worrying what if they don't show any improvement...
feel like i'm an eusocial insect right now when i'm with my niece...

i think i'm going to postpone my facial appointment to next monday... i change my cousin's tuition from friday night to morning..so i can have more time to concentrate on her... 3's a crowd for me now :p

tomorrow...my turn to stay at home...my mom and siao are going for their mothers' day gifts from me...a SPA treatment at destress...
if nothing goes wrong...my sis would be out from the hospital tomorrow...hopefully she can have a smooth pregnancy...
and hopefully tomorrow i can be alone at home...resting...i miss holiday..

sleepy..

my facial is postponed to friday..because tomorrow the beautician is on leave...still thinking should i go for shoulder massage first tomorrow...my shoulders are hurt~ *sniff *sniff

but don't think i'll go anywhere...my sis is admitted to the hospital..but she's alright..i hope..
i wish to go shopping..or just go around...but everytime when i think of that..i'll also think about what if my mom need help to look after my niece..

a lot of the times..i know some people are just trying to be helpful...but sometimes instead of feeling being helped, i feel like they're busybody...example?? ok..do you think i need people to teach me how to jog? there's this man who...well some kind of relative of mine..who always annoys me and siao when we go jogging...he'll keep trying to talk to us and we'll keep trying to pretend he's invisible...everyone avoids him...because he always says pointless stuffs..either that or he'll be bragging about his daughter...
how you approach a person is really important...when another person says the same thing to me, i don't feel offended...
people just like to encourage me to run when all i want to do is brisk-walking...jogging isn't the right exercise for everyone..

yeah lizzy...greed is the root of evil...hehe but i don't think that deep lor...i wish to go back to the time when we're less richer than now...that time..my dad had more time for us..and occasionally we'd stay overnight in miri or labuan...and dined out once in a while..
i like one of the lectures we had with dr rohana last time...about money creates more desires and greeds...how true...

so tired...my shoulders and my eyes...novels are something i love..yet not good for me...i don't stay up whole night for any test or exam or assignment...but i can spend whole night reading novels till next morning...

today..

i notice i'm more confident about my looks now...probably because of all the workouts and outcomes...i always know i can feel better when i think i've slim down..not sure if i've lost weights though...

yesterday was Mother's day...we brought our mom to eat dim sum in the morning at Lucky...don't like the atmosphere there though..too noisy and crowded...it was difficutl to just order the tea...i didn;t eat much there...the atmosphere diminished my appetite..
then we bought a lovely looking cake from the cake shop next to Lucky...also bought a bonquet of carnation for my mom...a branch of hybridized carnation and a small cup of tiramisu for my godmom and a single carnation for my grandma...i'm proud of myself...because i realized since a long time ago, i started to appreciate the feeling of giving...i like spending time and putting in effort to buy and give someone a gift...a very great accomplishment when the person likes the gift...
also i cherish people in my life more than ever now...i learned to be more initiative...refuse to wait for people to take action...

i like doing household chores...while i'm doing those..i keep thinking that how nice, i'm qualified to be a housewife now....at the age of 21, i've already started to look forward to the marriage...but i know before we can be together happily ever after, money has to come first...
probably at times i'm more materialistic now...but i realized how important money is..no matter i like it or not...i still need it...
i used to hate money...because money makes people and life ugly...only now i'm willing to admit the importance of it..
i wonder...deep down in me, have i really got over my parents' job...probably the main reason why i dislike helping my mom is that it's illegal....
i know there are lots of people who think sticking to rules is lame...but a lot of the times, i think if everyone obeys rules, everyone is respected...rules are dead..but our brains aren;t...we can always obeys the rule in a positive and reasonable way...instead of going against it just to show we're unqiue...

i speak out my mind now...and sometimes i feel pissed off when i can't say it out...but...there are some elders who never listen to us...
i had to hold myself back from asking my aunt to stop brainwash my grandma about the medicines from doctor....how to make them understand the importance of taking the prescription for hypertension....if my grandma lives with me..i'll make sure she takes her medicine on time....my mom and i always believe that hypertension, high cholesterol and heart diseases are siblings....but my aunt is always doubtful about doctors..i feel helpless....and annoyed when i don't know how to change an idea that has already rooted in their minds...

i haven't sms-ed mimi them about going to jpmc on thursday...haven't recharged my credit yet...been lazy to go out...and try all my ways to avoid coming in contact with the dangerous sunlight these days...i'm thinking to change my workout from jogging to indoor exercises....the main reason is not about getting darker...i just think jogging makes my calf muscle even bigger and i really think my calf muscles look bulky now...i prefer brisk walking...or just dance at home.. wish to learn yoga...but don't want to go all the way to bandar just to learn yoga...hm..

finally

my last exam today....bit disappointed though because not every question i'm confident...but..still got chance to get A i guess...for nihongo..getting a B is like an F to me..
anyway..what done is done....enough about the exam..

the first thing i did when i reached home just now..was to eat the corn chips i bought last week...not very tasty though...still prefer BBQ flavour...

time seems to fly....so fast..it;s the end of the semester now...i'm proceeding to my second semester of my third year soon...this sem...very hectic yet enjoyable sem...i liked all the things we did...eventhough it stress me out a lot...hehe...everything's over...i must allow myself to relax and enjoy peaceful, relaxing vacation..before i start to rush with assignments again...
i hope this time i can take shorter time to adjust myself to holiday...normally will take one or two weeks to convince myself that i can really relax now...don';t have to feel insecure for not doing any study-related work..

i just counted all i need to spend this month...quite a lot...my pockets are going to shrink again..but..since it's just once in a year...so..nevermind...just so happen all those once-in-a-year stuffs crowded in this month...

now i can watch Lady First daily...read magazines and novels whenever i want...mimi and i talked about going to jpmc and sleepover at anna's place just now....and then to RBC in june...my god! so much fun...can't wait for all those

but..wish i could have more income each month to compensate my spendings though...i've becoming one of those girls who dump lots of money just on looks...thank god i'm not living in singapore or malaysia or taiwan..or else i'll be broke...with all those tempting advertisement and slimming centre bla bla..

one more paper to go..

lizzy i wish i could comfort you...but..sorry...i really don't know how...
before this year..or should i say before uni...i always thought that lizzy is someone strong...confident..and decisive...so i can say whatever i want when i'm with her...we're close enough to understand each other...but now...i begin to realize...i can hurt you too unconsciously...
i think you're trying too hard to forget giap...which makes the whole thing difficult for you...but i can say this maybe it's because i've never experienced that...even for goh and esmond...i just forget them as time pass....but that was easy because we're off contact...actually i still couldn't believe that i actually could just let go of the feeling to esmond with so much determination...maybe should thank to the fact that he got a gf at that time...which speeded me up...
*hugs* after exam...let's do something wild :p
i'm doubtful though..how wild can i go...hehe...

today is not my last paper...but it was the last paper that i have to worry...i know i sound bit too confident for my japanese...but i was speaking the truth...i have no pressure at all for japanese exam..because minako sensei is soooo kind and lenient to us...it's easier to get A than to fail in her exam...people who take japanese will know what i mean...
i'll start the revision tomorrow lah...wish to go for another massage....i hate it when my shoulders pain always bother me after a brain-cracking exam...i need a really long rest for my shoulder pain to heal i guess...maybe should buy a lavender or chamomile massage oil and massage myself at home...

i wanna try some of the recipes i've got during this long vacation...also try some DIY beauty tips...i'm collecting used green tea bags now...
wonder if mimi wants to go to school together on wednesday afternoon...
just now the sun so hot oh...i thought of using umbrella...like lizzy did...but..no one else was using that time..if i use it..i'll be the only one...the idea of people might look at me makes me uncomfortable...don't like to get people's attention that way...so i just be brave and sacrifice my skin lor....poor skin...my arms were ok because i applied UV protection lotion before going to school..lips were ok too as they were coated with UV protection lip balm...but my face...oh my god! i was afraid the acne might come back so i stop all the skin products on my face...
so tempted to go back for facial treatment now...

back from shopping

just came back not long ago from bandar...tried the foot reflexology at the mall...i still prefer destress though...
mizah..thanks for the tips..i've tried both full body massage and foot reflexology...i prefer body mssage..because my main problem is shoulder pain..the muscles there can remain stiff throughout the day..which annoys me a lot...
think i really would like to get committed to destress...like the service there..and i'm getting more familiar with the staffs there...know which one i'd prefer for massage...and know the beautician there also...now when compare..i prefer to enjoy the massage without my clothes and necklace on...feel more relaxing...now i can understand better the meaning behind the song 'tuo tiao' by alex toh...
just now i also shopped for a while...and god! how wonderful the feeling was....too bad no CLEO and Female available yet...bought quite a lot of stuffs to pamper myself...eye mask, whitening lotion, UV-protected Lip balm and UV face and body lotion....yup..i'm very keen in whitening now...there's a phrase in chinese saying something like fairness can cover up imperfection (yi bai ze san chou)...although i really admire those honey-coloured skin...something like Britney used to have in her first album....i never really try to get that kind of colour...first, it's really hard to maintain the tan at an appropriate shade i like..secondly, i believe fair skin looks good with any colours...

maybe i'll go for the foot spa next week..after all my exams...need the professional scrubbing and all that to get rid of the dead skin layer and cuticle off my feet...
haha..i'm just soooo keen to have smooth and fair skin all over my body now...

just now i was really tempted to buy a few cds...but then...i held myself back..thinking i need money now for my skincare...so...tahan! :p

full full

if anyone ask me how does exercise makes a person happy...my answer would be it makes me feel confident and feel good about myself..
for the long vacation...i never thought of going abroad..except maybe going back to labuan...
going for vacation is not my way for holidays i guess...my 10-years duration passport is only about half full...showing how much i love to stay in my own country :p

i wish to continue with this eagerness..or passion...for my study until i graduate..but at the same time...i wish i can spend less time on study...

oh yeah swait zin...my exam will be finishing before the mother's day...and i won't be celebrating the mother's day on the exact day....either will do that earlier or later...

tomorrow i'm going for massage...hope the shoulder pain can leave me alone on monday's exam..talking about monday's exam..i haven't started revising it yet...not in the mood...i'm more in the mood on money and pampering myself...
how to make an extra income while i'm still studying...i'm going to need money to cure my acne..and also my shoulder pain i guess...

i study bio...but..i dont plan to work in the lab or in the field for whole my life...wish to have a simple job...

erm..nothing much to say....good luck for your exams tomorrow lizzy...

3 more to go

so far..the exam was ok...but i really get fed-up with 3 hours paper...sooo tiring...imagine writing non-stop for 3 hours...and my shoulders pain got really bad this time...starting on the first day of exam itself i was already bothered by it...i needed to stop and massage my shoulders a few times during the exam time...and also my right hand....awww...:(
i can't believe ms faizah actually gave us the exam questions as examples...and being a slight proud person...i hesitated whether to just copy her answer or use my own way to answer...in the end i followed some and wrote in my own words too...the plant taxo written exam was ok...as 25 marks questions, i wrote too short for dr edwards' but too long for dr kam's....
then the computer..haha..i gave up very early...it's my first time going to an exam without any revision...not even entering the class...and finishing the project...i'll be glad if i can get anything higher than grade E...another terrible exam i did was the plant taxo practical...for dr kam's it's ok..but dr edwards'...lots of wild guess...rosli was right..we could pass just by reading the notes...but i really enjoyed this course...challenging and informative...find it very useful..at least now i find it easier to remember scientific names for certain plants...
tomorrow's english...nothing much to prepare i guess...i'll just read through the paperworks we did tomorrow before the exam...actually i can start my behavioural bio revision today..i failed my test..but..i need a break..

i used to be confident with my health...i remember in form 5..although i sat between mimi and lizzy...when of them got sick..the other will get the virus too...but me, the one in the middle, still healthy and strong...guess that's what makes me take my health for granted all the time...
today i gave up early for the practical..mainly because i wasn't feeling well enough...had sore throat the moment i woke up this morning...and my stomach has been feeling weird..even till now...then the shoulder pain...all the bad things just came to me at once....
the latest by this saturday i'll go destress for body massage...and i'll request a long one for shoulders...god! it's killing me...
now i'm very determined to treat my shoulder pain and acne...hopefully when the new semester starts, these 2 are not longer my problems....

lizzy..tek ying too didn't read ms faizah's mail in detail..actually i'm still not confident to get A for that course...because since Ms faizah has given us soo much help...i assume she'll be very strict in marking...she's dr kam's student after all....
i'm going to get A in my japanese...i need an A to compensate an E in my computer...from the way Ms Faizah said...unless i can get an overall grade A at least once, or else i won't be able to get 2 1 degree...i got C during my second sem in biomed...now i regretted even more for not studying well for my biomolecular and biochemis course...that D pulled me down to grade C i'm sure...because i got 4 Bs for other courses..
anyway what done is done...

i'm planning a lot for the long vacation oh...especially since lizzy is leaving soon...we should really enjoy the long vacation...i'm going to suggest we all go jpmc gym to swim or have fun with the jacuzzi there...or we go steamboat buffet...go airport buffet...if can..wish to go to the philippines eh...maybe we can go picnic too...but picnic at the beach...so hot..the sun so big...not good for skin...oh yeah..swimming too will end up tan....oh gosh...

if i can get a very satisfying result this time..i'm going to treat myself to full body SPA...;)

Exam's eve

last time i used to complain to lizzy that we never fight or quarrel....unlike other bestfriends who quarrel and then compromise and those stuffs...
now i believe it's because when we are upsetted by the other one, we tend to keep it to ourselves..
Sorry lizzy....for hurting your feeling...bit useless now to apologize though..what done is done...
a lot of things pop up in my mind while reading your blog...
you learnt not to let what others think bother you..me too...but...the result is...you become the you now and i become the me now...
honestly, i feel like i'm growing up....i accept that nothing is perfect..i stop trying to be nice to everyone...start to draw a line between a lot of things...i realized what i really want and go for it...and i start to know what can be done and what can't be done...maybe sometimes people find me bored, i follow as strictly to the rules as i can...i don't longer enjoy being under a limelight...i think i've become someone very serious about life...i'm fed-up with the role of a spectator or catalyst...i want to be a reactant...
i know some people think i'm in charge of my own life...everything's following my plan...but in fact, a lot of the times, i'm lost, i feel isolated..one good thing is...i voice out my doubts or opinions more often now, with my family..and with few people i know well...but i'm keeping more things to myself...i avoid things or people i don't feel comfortable with...hmm..

my god! supposed to be concentrating on exam....hehe...
need a break from whole day revision...i took quite a lot of breaks already though...
i revised in a new way...i don't try to be ambitious and remember everything...which i now believe is impossible for me...just revise selectively...hehe even my way of studying changed...

lizzy...it's not silly to decide based on your parents; opinions....in fact, that's something i've been wished to do...my parents never plan my future for me...they stopped interfering with my study eversince i passed my PCE...and slowly, they begin to think that i can survive on my own...
i still remember when i was still in a dilemma about switching from biomed to bio sci...i wished so much my parents could give me an opinion...hm..maybe that's why i'm independent and behave like a big sister even when i'm the 2nd child..

i think it's a special experience...when you look back..you realized how many silly things you've done...and then feel like you've taken a big step forward in your life...