hugs to lizzy

lizzy are you ok?? are you very insecure about your life in calgury? *hugs*we can't be there for you all the time.. but the internet is soo advanced now.. you can always post anything you wish to share in your blog or mail us..jason been telling me you can survive well there.. but still i'm worrying.. sometimes will think impulsively that i want to go there with you so i can look after you.. of course you can survive... but.. how long will it take and how much effort will you need.. i always think it's not easy to live in a foreign country.. especially people like us who've been spoiled by the government all the time...actually there are lots of things i wish to tell you.. but.. i knew i'm going to cry once i bring it up.. so.. such a complex feeling.. *hugs* we all are going to miss you..normal days.. i won't feel sad because i just tried to ignore the fact that you're leaving.. only when i don't think deep into it i can go on with life like nothing is going to change..why friends have to fall apart as they grow up..a lot of frustrating things happen in life and some people will say that's life... 'that's life'.. i dislike that sentence sometimes.. because it's just another synonym of giving in to what's happening.. even if you don't like it...should focus more on good things in life...this sem.. i met quite a lot of new people... also some people who have been 'missing'.. like ching.. i almost never see him last 2 sems... and now i almost see him every week.. then.. for the first time if not mistaken.. i'm in the same class with mama.. in ubd i mean.. apart from MIB.. mama is so busy.. her schedule so packed.. but she manages to stay alert during lecture time.. if me.. once i'm tired.. i lose concentration easily.. and lose my temper very fast too.. :pnining mentioned about her friends told her that if want to survive in ubd.. you have to be selfish.. she asked me is it true.. i disagree.. to survive.. need to study hard and smart.. nothing to do with selfishness.. i don't see any connection there.. but i admit to her that i do one selfish thing every sem.. i normally hold a few library book for whole sem.. even if i'm not using them every day.. i still won't return.. because i never know when is the next time i need them.. i know that's not the right way to do... so this semester i start buying textbooks.. but at the same time.. i'm still holding a few library books.. i hope those people who need it.. and don't know who i am.. can request to hold the book through the library system.. for me.. it's ok for the person to hold the book if that person doesn't know i'm the one having the book.. that's the way it should be anyway... erm... but sometimes i'll still feel bit annoyed when i can't have the book.. hehei've signed up for a dancing class.. thinking to learn prom dance.. or jazz.. i love exercising with the music on.. and with a group of people.. so i also attend the aerobic class.. when everyone is exercising around you.. it's really hard for you to stop... that's how i make myself to carry on moving.. aerobic classes are more convenient.. but dancing is still my favourite.. just had one aerobic class this morning.. it's nice to exercise early in the morning.. will make me feel fresh for whole day.. and once i stick to one exercise routine.. i automatically stop worrying about putting on weights.. so fewer things to worry..i think i'm going to choose a 100% fieldwork project next year.. i love going out.. going around.. i can't imagine how bad will i feel if i stay in lab for whole day.. i don't like air-conditional environment.. except on a really hot day.. but still nowadays... i try not to use air-con while driving.. save fuel and more environmental-friendly.. plus i usually feel cold not long after i enter an air-con room.. i prefer natural breeze..goh's sister was there in the aerobic class.. she brought her son the other day.. he looks exactly like goh.. no wonder goh doted on him a lot last time.. this morning met Mrs Chong.. she still looks the same.. just bit more grey hair now... she still remembers me.. remembers my name.. but i lost the biology revision card she gave to me as a gift for getting A in PMB science.. bit guilty.. i think i borrowed it to someone.. but forgot have i taken it back..today i must try to do at least half of the genetic report.. i try to speed up.. but still i'm doing my work according to due dates.. i don't like this way... if i have to rush with assignments.. how can i have a private study time.. hm.. must do something about my time management skill... i'm trying to fix a schedule.. but i need to finish all or at least most of my assignments in order to stick to it... same old problem every semester.. must work hard on getting organized... ganbate~

windy sunday

another sunday.. tomorrow's a holiday... finally have time to take a break.. i keep feeling like.. i need to slow down my step.. life is too busy and fast.. i can't sit down and think about any particular thing i do.. i'm a slow person.. i like taking my time to enjoy things i do..

suddenly.. everyone is talking about lecturers reading students' blogs.. like it's a very big issue..
isn't that a nice thing?? it shows the lecturer really cares about the students.. and i think it's a good way to teach us to be responsible with our words.. i always think a good lecturer or teacher will teach the students more than those in the books.. i don't mind people reading my blogs.. though i still find it awkward to tell people about my blog.. hm... will feel like i'm advertising myself.. the fewer people reading my blog.. the better... i'll feel less restricted that way..
i better don't talk much on this.. because i'm still feeling very self-conscious when talking about it.. not natural at all.. but i won't stop blogging for sure.. this is a way for me to keep in touch with my friends... especially lizzy and mimi... blogging is not a bad thing.. if we use it properly..

last night i heard an unpleasant comment on me... it's so easy to remember a bad comment and to forget a good one.. bad one stays but good ones always fade away... does that mean if i want to make someone remember me.. i should be bad to that person?? :p
i rather let that person forget me...
at first thought i'm strong enough.. erm... i'm not immune yet...
i really like hanging out with my friends... when we get together.. we talk and laugh... when we part.. it's the good memories that's left.. but when those adults got together last night.. what's left today is gossiping.. who is right who is wrong.. who is bad to her husband.. who is fat who is slim... gatherings these days just lose their point of gathering..

today is my niece's birthday.. she's 2 years old now.. getting naughtier every day...

met nining on wednesday... then had lunch with her and suaike and antonia.. antonia said he envy me.. because i'm happy every day... i forgot to tell him i'm happy because i see him.. he's like a cartoon.. cute and adorable.. his laughter is simply infectious..
and it feels nice to get in touch with nining back.. miss her.. good to know she's happy with her darling now...

then i also joined this Brunei Environmental Action Course.. i think it's interesting and helpful.. it teaches us how to be organized, how to make the right decision and improve our communication skills.. through activities about recycling, reducing and reuse..
i hope one day i can work for Brunei Museum.. i'd love to contribute to the conservation of our heritage here in Brunei.. such as Tasek Merimbun.. we went there on thursday with dr charles.. the trip was great.. it's so much different from the trip with dr azman 2 years ago... when we went there the last time, the staffs there treated us like tourists.. but this time.. we're just students who might become researchers one day.. so they told us a lot of useful things.. like the management.. the resources there... then we took a short walk in the forest.. also the boat ride.. the boat ride was cool.. the guide told us about the islands.. saw maroon langurs and macaques.. also birds.. quite a lot of egrets there...i'd love to work there one day.. it's good for the mind and health... who can't be a better person when face with such lovely scene every day right??
i think i know now what project i'll be interested in..
plan to bring my mom there.. because she's never been there..
selfishly.. i hope the government won't open the area for ecotourism.. i really wish the area can be preserved.. one good thing about the management there is they allow the locals there to maintain their traditional life.. they recognized that the traditional life is part of the heritage there... such a peaceful place.. and the fact that tasek merimbun is in the same district as me makes me want to preserve it more..
the trip was such a great experience.. but writing the report brings headache :p
how to write about a trip in a full scientific report format.. :s

...

i know sometimes i'm a troublesome people.. i'm too sensitive, especially to people i care.. so i tend to hurt myself with their words or actions.. i'm just thinking too much i guess.. but i never doubt about my ability to get heal and stand up again..
ganbate

good thing that i can take nihongo.. but from yesterday meeting.. i know some erm not-so-nice people are still with us it's obvious that they are not considerate people.. they can't come to the time sensei suggested because they don't want.. not because they can't.. what's wrong with having class at 8am or during lunch time?? if you really want this course, you should be prepared to sacrifice.. for me that's not even considered as sacrifice... i don't believe anyone in ubd will get malnutritious from skipping one meal.. i pity sensei,, which motivates me to maintain my grade A in japanese...

my niece has a small electric organ.. i love playing with it.. my big electric keyboard is not good now.. guess something;s wrong with the switch.. have to fix it soon.. i miss playing it.. especially now there's a lot of new songs.. better find their code out so i can play them... it's a biggest sorry in my life now that i nevr get the chance to learn piano.. i told myself i'll learn it one day when i start working, earning my own money.. it's still not cheap now to learn.. now i'm thinking perhaps what i'm interested is keyboard.. since i love pop music more than classical music..

i'm thinking to join an aerobic class.. so i can stay motivated at sports.. if i pay for it, i'll definitely will go.. despite the tight schedule.. plus my time-table this sem is very empty.. mimi has a really hectic one.. mizah (maizi's sister) too.. so i plan to fill up my emtpy slots with PS.. hope i can do that.. wish me luck.. hehe... it's a beginning of another sem.. so better make it a good beginning.. i just hope i won't forget to allow myself to take a rest or at least..take a few breathes when i'm tired..
it's really pointless to decide what's right or wrong.. because everyone has his/her own idea about what is right and what is wrong.. everyone has her/his own way to live a life... why should i worry at first place that something's wrong with me.. when i don;t have a life like others.. but it's never too late to learn.. since i'm still young.. :)

dehydrated lemon

have you ever felt like you've cracked your head to please someone and turned out that that person doesn't realize or even notice at all?? i'm sure that happens in life very often.. it's such an awful feeling.. it makes me feel as if i'm not-wanted or not-needed.. just like a useless by-product in a chemical reaction.. so what can i do??
i feel disappointed.. feel defeated..
i know what i should do..
Take a deep breath and i tell myself.. it's time to move on.. life still has to go on.. and i know i've tried my best.. if things still don't work.. i should just accept it that way..
give up.. is not because it doesn't matter to me.. it's because it means too much to me.. so i stop asking for more before things turn ugly.. no ending can be relatively a good ending sometimes...

hmm.. started my study foor 4 days... just 4 days and my shoulders start to ache.. i'm getting more and more interested in my study.. i love all the things we learnt, learn and are going to learn.. the first day was hectic.. none of us was told that we're going to have a field practical on monday afternoon... thanks to lim.. who borrowed me her clothes.. but my feet were under great torture.. i was wearing my mom's sandal on that day.. it's just a very bad idea to use sandals to forest.. but what to do.. at least i didnt have to use my baju kurung.. then.. i have a funny schedule this time..
majority of the classes on monday.. so quite big gaps of empty slots on the rest of the week.. good thing for me though.. i can do some private study, i hope, with the free time.. also it'd be easier now for me to join japanese class..
what i love most about this sem is we're going to have lots of field trips.. love going around in a bus... yesterday we went to a few places.. one of them was batu marang.. too bad we didn't get to walk to the water village there.. i still remember the serenity i felt when we're there 2 years ago.. i'm happy with my study now.. and i'm so glad that i switched from biomed to bio science.. though sometimes i feel bit guilty... been hearing people saying how they tried to enter biomed but failed.. even one of my aunts thought i must've failed the courses in biomed that's why i switched.. i can only shrug and turn from those..

i read a small booklet which comes together with this month CLEO.. it was very inspiring.. it reminded me that i can't be perfect but i can always choose to be happy about myself :)

went to miri today.. spent almost B$150.. the money i reserved to buy textbooks actually.. now i really have to use the book allowance for the books.. that is.. if i get to buy them..
bought lots of clothes for fook and eshyn.. went for a body massage.. bought other stuffs too.. noticed that stuffs like instant noodles and juices are more expensive there..

also learnt that it's not always a bad thing to give in to some of my cravings..

last day of holiday

tomorrow morning i'm going to start studying again.. finally~
for the first time eversince i switched to bio science, i have morning class on monday morning..
hope i can do well in this new semester.. must try to get a very satisfying result to make it up for the disappointment from last exam results.. i hope i can always remember this goal till the end of the new semester.. and i do hope i can find a balance between work and study... must must must remember to take a break at least once a week... wish to maintain a good enough figure and health throughout the semester too.. wow.. so many goals..

i bought a new backpack today.. but in the end i decided to stick to my old red backpack.. i still can't accept sporty backpack with skirts or baju kurung.. but now i got a backpack i like to use whenever i go for outdoor activities.. such as hiking.. field trips.. hehe..

had a nice dinner with ms tan and other old ladies last night... i really want to go to the millenium for buffet again.. probably on my mom's birthday.. it's cheaper than RBC yet the food is nicer.. and my mom likes spicy food.. if the menu will be more or less the same.. it'd be perfect..
ms tan is one of the best teachers i ever had.. it's easy to talk to her because she's open-minded and understands us young people well.. too bad it's hard now to keep in touch with Mrs Laly.. probably i don't have that strong determination to contact her yet.. or else it should be easy to go to her.. we live in the same district, same kampong, along the same road..

tomorrow i'm bringing my own lunch.. wish i can start developing this habit.. easier to control my weight that way.. also my health.. plus for the sake of my taste bud too..
forgot to tell mimi that the japanese textbook is out... i was interrupted last night when i wanted to tell her..

ok~ good night.. and all the best to all of us in this new semester... ganbate kudasai~