dehydrated lemon

have you ever felt like you've cracked your head to please someone and turned out that that person doesn't realize or even notice at all?? i'm sure that happens in life very often.. it's such an awful feeling.. it makes me feel as if i'm not-wanted or not-needed.. just like a useless by-product in a chemical reaction.. so what can i do??
i feel disappointed.. feel defeated..
i know what i should do..
Take a deep breath and i tell myself.. it's time to move on.. life still has to go on.. and i know i've tried my best.. if things still don't work.. i should just accept it that way..
give up.. is not because it doesn't matter to me.. it's because it means too much to me.. so i stop asking for more before things turn ugly.. no ending can be relatively a good ending sometimes...

hmm.. started my study foor 4 days... just 4 days and my shoulders start to ache.. i'm getting more and more interested in my study.. i love all the things we learnt, learn and are going to learn.. the first day was hectic.. none of us was told that we're going to have a field practical on monday afternoon... thanks to lim.. who borrowed me her clothes.. but my feet were under great torture.. i was wearing my mom's sandal on that day.. it's just a very bad idea to use sandals to forest.. but what to do.. at least i didnt have to use my baju kurung.. then.. i have a funny schedule this time..
majority of the classes on monday.. so quite big gaps of empty slots on the rest of the week.. good thing for me though.. i can do some private study, i hope, with the free time.. also it'd be easier now for me to join japanese class..
what i love most about this sem is we're going to have lots of field trips.. love going around in a bus... yesterday we went to a few places.. one of them was batu marang.. too bad we didn't get to walk to the water village there.. i still remember the serenity i felt when we're there 2 years ago.. i'm happy with my study now.. and i'm so glad that i switched from biomed to bio science.. though sometimes i feel bit guilty... been hearing people saying how they tried to enter biomed but failed.. even one of my aunts thought i must've failed the courses in biomed that's why i switched.. i can only shrug and turn from those..

i read a small booklet which comes together with this month CLEO.. it was very inspiring.. it reminded me that i can't be perfect but i can always choose to be happy about myself :)

went to miri today.. spent almost B$150.. the money i reserved to buy textbooks actually.. now i really have to use the book allowance for the books.. that is.. if i get to buy them..
bought lots of clothes for fook and eshyn.. went for a body massage.. bought other stuffs too.. noticed that stuffs like instant noodles and juices are more expensive there..

also learnt that it's not always a bad thing to give in to some of my cravings..