Thursday, July 22, 2010

posting with heavy eyelids

hi everyone. I'm here again.

Last week, although with public holidays, i didn't really rest. Spent my friday and sunday preparing for lessons. This week, everything is back to normal. It's as if i have used up my energy. This morning, when i woke up, i still felt tired. Then today, just teaching for 2 hours felt heavy for me. I usually don't sit down when i teach. Today, my legs just felt sooo tired. And it's just thursday. I still have 1 more class this week on saturday and my HoD wanted us to start doing tissue culture on saturday. Honestly, i really think i have reached my limit and i took dear's advice to talk to my HoD, who is leaving next week for his master.

'Is it confirmed that when she left, i'll take her 2 subjects? Now i'm a bit struggling with just 4 subjects and GC work. Is it possible if i just take 1 subject?'

'That one, you have to deal with the new HoD. Can lah, you can do it. No problem tu.'

I was like, if i can do it, what am i here talking about it to you? One thing i notice about people here is, if you voice out that you can't take that much work, they will think laziness is the only reason behind it. Keep telling me can can can, you try to do it yourself and prove to me it's possible.

For me, a good head should care about the feelings of his/her staff. A responsible head should finish off what he is doing before he leaves, not creating new job and expect the staff to take over, especially when you know your department is going to be left with 1 staff.
Guess what? I'm appointed as the chairperson for biotech programme development committee, like i know what is appropriate to be included in the syllabus.

These days, it's depressing at work. There are people who are self-centred, selfish, jealousy and hypocritic. Honestly, i don't expect my HoD to make any changes. Because he is leaving soon so naturally he won't want to do any extra work. People who are willing to help are themselves overloaded. People who are still free and relaxing are blind to how busy their colleagues are. It's how he answered me that is really awful. I really have a feeling that i can only rely on myself now. Work life is just hectic now.

Good thing is, there are people like me so we all can talk with each other and feel the comfort when we know we're not the only one. No matter what, i will survive! I won't get defeated easily. It just makes me sick to see people who expect you to behave in a certain way yet they themselves are doing the things they forbid others to do.

Sorry people, my post will be about my work as my life is now revolve around it.

Last week i was always on the merge of crying. I knew i was too stress-out. There is never a day i don't bring my work home and do it at night. If i don't do so, i won't be able to finish the preparation for my work. I just don't like to go into a class feeling ill-prepared. As a GC, i want to feel connected with my students. I need to know what they're doing. I want to make sure my students can always talk to me whenever they have problem.
I think one of the reasons why i'm stres-out is because of myself. I take my work very seriously and i don't like taking short-cuts when it comes to work. I don't mind being so tiring and having to teach so many subjects. But please, at least show me i am appreciated or my work is recognized.

Last time during the ICE conference, one researcher claimed that from her study, bruneian teachers consider passion and interest are the top motivational factors, while working environment, recognition and money are not on their list or at the end of the list. Having heard that, my conclusions is, then i'm not a typical bruneian teacher. Because for me, money and working environment are very important. If money not important, what's the noise all about when the salary is late? How long can the interest last if the working environment is terrible? Maybe i'm too realistic.

These days i've been so busy that i almost forgot to renew my car's road tax. Tonight i'm not doing any work and now i'm feeling guilty already. Oh no... i need exercise. I need better stamina. I need to get firm up. On top of that, what i really need is a vacation. I can only stop thinking about my job and responsibilities when i'm out of brunei. I want to fly~

22 comments:

Mimi said...

Gambate!!!! Working life sounds.. miserable =(((

Makes me wish I don't have much responsibilities so that I can straight away do my phd..

liz said...

I think the researcher forgot to take into account that we asians love our face too much. I will tell you I wanna be a doctor because I wanna save lives, bla bla bla, but money and recognition means a lot to me too. If they dont pay me well and they dont recognised my effort, I'll go save lives somewhere else.

And yes, I agree your working life does sound miserable, but dont ever lose your passion to do your best for your students.

And I like that you finally stand up for yourself. It might not be successful coz he is an a-hole (I hate people who says "can la. You can do it one." It makes me feel like I'm not taken seriously.) but it's one step forward :) Dont back down next time.

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A web hosting service is a genre of Internet hosting repair that resolve mitigate an individual, house, alma mater, administration syndicate and more place their website on the World Broad Web.
[url=http://www.jkahosting.com]Web hosting [/url] companies provide order on a server someone is concerned take via their clients as artistically as the internet accessibility required to fall on the web.
Even more prominent than the computer lacuna is a safe medium in return the files and a loose linking to the Internet.
There are many divergent types of trap hosts, control panels, operating systems, and options.
In addition there are included services such as website builders, search motor marketing, database deployment, and online stores.
So how do you distinguish what to employ and who to take it from?
Since they are so tons options this can be confusing.
The first thing you want to come to a decision is if you hope for a Windows spider's web tummler or a linux spider's web host.
Much of the while it does not problem degree if you be experiencing unequivocal software to capitalize on such as a shopping cart or database pertinence this wishes be important.
It is choicest to ascertain outlying from your software provider the requirements of the program.
Then you pleasure necessity to umpire fix on if you demand a sphere prestige and the amount of latitude and bandwidth needed.
Many web hosting companies literally give away province names to new customers so this may staff grip your business.
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