yesterday..i was really pissed off...just a phone call and asked me to lend him my car so he can go kuching?? i was just starting to think i should try to be nice to him and then...he let me down again..just like he always does...at that time i really felt despair oh...now at my house..my car is the only car..my mom's car in KB...yet he wants to use it to go kuching...with his new wife?? had he ever thought about if my aunt can't send the car back by today...how are we all going to school?? how is my mom going out to stock in food and other things?? why can't he think twice??
i really want to hate him...but i try not...because he's not worthed...
maybe like what lizzy said.he's just trying to prove himself and bla bla...but i can't forgive him...it's a lousy feeling when you know your father keeps marrying and divorcing...or worse, he marry a new one..after some time...slowly send her to miri or limbang or anywhere nearby..and marry another one again....it's been 3 times...and i won't surprise if there's next time..
if not because his car got fixed at last minute..he'll be using my car in kuching by now...and if that happens..i'll hope that the car get stolen...
that's why i want to buy a new car..a car of my own...i hate the feeling when he borrows my car..i'll feel as if the car gets dirty..after all those women and his friends travel in it...
i miss my friends...miss the time we hang out together...but i never take initiative to ask them out...feel lazy to organise...and..anytime something will come up in my house...maybe i'm just lazy...
nothing is perfect..so i think i shouldn't be greedy...i always get sad because not so close with my friends anymore...but actually i shouldn't..i'm very close now with my family, coping well with my study, my relationship with dear become more stable and my holiday part-time job and allowance makes me more financially independent than my other siblings...so...my life is actually good enough...
i don't have to feel depress or what when i can't find someone to go to gym with me...since before liau jua...my group of friends don't share the same interest regarding sport with me...plus like what juan juan said..if can't find anyone to go with me...i can just go alone ah...
really..i don't mind doing anything alone now...since it's not everytime...just sometimes..and something...but it's the reaction of other people annoys me...some of them always give me that surprising look or questioning look whenever i'm alone...what's wrong with being alone oh...
sometimes..i actually quite enjoy at obeserving people at the corner...or just listen to what other say...i'm weird...i like to be around by people but not take part in their conversation...that's why i like the time my family spend with my mom's sisters...just listening to them provides me a lot of fun...
i begin to think that this is not a change...i'm just..back to myself...although sometimes i get frustrated with the way i am now...i have to admit that i'm being 'real' now...i do what i like..and allow myself to do something which i think i shouldn't but i wish to do...learning not to mind how other think...
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