...

it's not a good way...but it's become a way i use to avoid getting hurt..maybe by doing so, i let a lot of people down..and let the problems piling up...haih...
i really feel sorry about that..but i just wish to protect myself..be it temporary or permanent...
ish...this kind of feeling is not unfamiliar for me..wish to do something, at the same time, afraid to do it...like what stephanie sun sings, because take part whole-heartedly, so can only give up..
maybe i'm just running away from the fact...wrong or right...i don't know...i just do something which won't make me feel unpleasant...just try to stay away from something i feel threatened..

lizzy..i don't know if you've sensed it..but i hope you won't misunderstand...i'm not angry with you...i just feel bit scared to talk with you...god knows when do i start to become such timid...sorry oh...i just...hm..don't know how to say lah...can't think of any specific reason but just follow my instinct...i'm always like that..do something just based on my feelings without knowing what i want from it...i know...i'm such a mess...
at the moment..i really don't know what i want...or maybe...i just pretend that i don't know...so won't feel so disappointed since i can't have what i want..

but nevermind...no matter what..i'll gambate...and live my life nicely...with my strong belief that one day i can meet that someone or some people who is/are compatible with the new me..:)
life is already a bless..

i can't wait to finish my exams...but at the same time, enjoying the way it makes me feel...get nervous and study hard before the exam...slight panic just before the exam...concentrate fully during the exam, cracking brain to give my best answers...and the best part is, a big relief after handing in the testpaper...