I'm back~

Hello old ladies~ miss you ladies lots... finally i have time to sit down and read your blogs. I've read lizzy's, mama's and a few of mimi's one. Too much malay so need more time to digest it *blushed*
I used to think that my malay is enough to allow me to communicate with most people. Now i know i had over-estimated myself. I feel blank a lot of times during my attachment. Is my malay too standard or their malay too 'brunei'?

Ok.. some updates about my december:

6th - 8th December, 2009 : I was SUDDENLY appointed as an AJK for a motivational camp (MESRA1) that involved students from 5 or 6 technical schools in Brunei. It's a 3 days 2 nights camping and the venue is the mechnical workshop and forestry unit of my school. I stayed back on the first night, enduring the heat and mosquitoes and came home on monday late afternoon. Then, left home at 5am the next morning so i could make it on time to join the morning exercise.
Overall, it was fun, though tiring. If i were a student, i'd definitely enjoy it. But not too bad lah because i ran/walked around together with the students.
So, i ended up very tired due to all the walkings and lack of sleeps. Unfortunately, i still had to go to school on the 9th (no permission to go to work late or have a day break).

10th - 13th December 2009 (HIGHLIGHT OF THE MONTH):
Finally i got to go to Kuala Belalong Field Study Centre!!! I love it love it love it! I miss being in a forest. Somemore, this forest is the most challenging forest i've ever gone into. So steep and slippery yet so challenging! I was soo mean; i laughed when my students fell down :p
The best part of the trip was, i got to play in a river and under a mini waterfall. It was awesome! The water was soo cold and the flow was soo quick. There was one point we all held hands together and just went with the flow. Then we reached somewhere deep where none of us could reach the bottom of the water. We were panic at first then the security guards dragged us back to the river bank. Once i reached the river bank, the first question i asked my HOD was, can we do it again??
I defnitely want to go back there again. Will upload the pictures in my facebook. I also went to the famous canopy walk! Oh my god! The view was fantastic!!! Words can't describe what i saw and how i felt about this trip. I highly recommend everyone of you to go to Belalong at least once. You're going to love it! I'm thinking about a vacation at the Belalong Resort already because i didn't get to go to the suspension bridge at that time.
Hehe i feel a bit guilty. I was supposed to bring my students there to learn but i ended up playing with them and treated the trip as my vacation. I also made a friend there. He's a chinese ecologist from malaysia, currently setting up a 25 ha vegetation plot in the Belalong forest. Good luck to him!

14th - 17th December, 2009:
4 days attachment at Brunei Agricultural Research Centre (BARC). Not too bad but i honestly think we could have done more stuffs. During the attachment, i learnt how to prepare media for tissue culture and how to do initial and sub cultures of plants. At the end of the attachment, we were given a written exam and i got 94% so i guess not too bad lah. In actual fact, the exam was super simple.

18th - 20th December, 2009:
My KK shopping trip!! It was my first time flying with AirAsia, it was also my first time flying together with my mom. My first time to 1 Borneo too. Strictly speaking, we only had 2 days in KK but we managed to go to 1 Borneo, Wisma Merdeka, Suria, Metro Jaya, CentrePoint, Gaya Street and Warisan Square. Spent B$400 cash and about $200 by card (I love VISA debit ^_^)
Bought few outfits for chinese new year. Once again, i bought more than i intended. Hmm... my pocket is slimmer now but myself is getting fatter. Terrible~ *sniff*sniff
I'm still thinking should i upload the pictures i took in KK to facebook. Can see my fats bah *blushed*

Actually, there are lots more things i want to type it here but it's getting late now, almost 11pm. I should sleep soon as i haven't got enough rest eversince the camping started. This post may be long but believe me, it's not even half of the things i wanted to share with you all. Anyway, will talk about it again next time.

This week:
24th December, 2009: Going to my cousin's birthday party in KB

25th December, 2009: Celebration of Christmas at my house

Now: still thinking what to do for new year's eve. Looking for something cheap yet meaningful.

Ok ladies, i'm going to sleep now. Goodnight, sweet dreams and miss you lots~~
Take care xoxoxo

To Ummi!!

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to Mimi~,
Happy birthday to you~~~

May all your wishes come true xoxoxo

holiday!

Yes! Finally i feel more recharged. I've been feeling fatigue recently, eversince i come back from Australia. I guess it's because i didn't sleep much when i was there and no time to catch up with sleep after i come back! So here i go, with all the problems that come along with it: weightsss gain (Sniff*Sniff*), lethargy and all the cravings for heavy and fatty food. Oh no~ and i have skipped my yoga class for 3 weeks. Bad bad me.

I actually planned to go to labuan to visit su yee and her son this long weekend. In the end, i cancel my plan because i think i should do something about my health and my body. First thing i do is get more sleep. For 2 consecutive nights, i sleep for 8 hours full. Now i feel so much better, more ready to do exercise. Next step will be incorporate exercise back into my life.

I'll be going to KK for shopping trip in 3 weeks time. Hopefully i can shed some pounds before that so easier for me to find new clothes.

In 2 weeks time, i'll be in Temburong for 4 days. Can't wait for it but at the same time, i'm surfing around to find information about avoiding mosquitoes and bed bugs (not sure if bed bug is still a problem there). I'm bringing an insect repellent made from Citronella oil and also bringing Eucalyptus oil with me. I've read that both are natural insect repellents. But i also read that Eucalyptus oil is an ineffective bed bug repellent. Oh well.. just try my best.

These days i notice that i prefer to spend time with my students than with my colleagues. With my colleagues, there is an age gap. After all, i'm in the same age group with most of my students. So i find it more relaxing and easier when talking with them. I am very thankful to have this group of students and also very responsible HOD. I guess that's what makes my job life easier than a few of my young colleagues. That's why i didn't get that mad by their jealousy. Not to be boastful, i really think i have the qualities that can make people go jealous sometimes, which also makes me insecure because it's too good to be true.

These days, due to my laziness and tiredness, i left out a lot of things and people. Now that i'm feeling more rested, i must try to catch up. I love to stay connected with my family and loved ones. I feel bad when i don't know what's going on in their life. Although i may not take any part, it's always sweet to keep in touch. I am contradicting myself, i guess. I love keeping in touch, but i definitely not keen in facebooking and net chatting. Emailing.. maybe. That's why i am so glad that me and the old ladies do blogging.

Nowadays, my work is a bit busier than usual. I appreciate it. Sometimes i may complain about it but most of the time, i am thankful to have the chance to get busy. To get busy means i can learn something, be it time management skills, stress-handling skills or the correct procedures of doing things with the government.

Today, since it's a holiday, i didn't bring back any work when i come home on thursday. I am so happy i made the right decision. When the work is left at school, my mind naturally won't be thinking about it. So i can really give my mind a break. I'm the type who will give my full effort when at school or at work place and when i reach home, i only want to unwind and relax, and do something which has nothing to do with my work. Complete isolation works well for me.
Also, today i finally have the time to sit down and read the books i have bought long time ago but didn't have the chance to enjoy. Holiday.. so nice~

i am back!

Oh Gosh! I love Melbourne. Wish to go there again. I always like cities where walking or public transport is part of the daily life. I really don't like driving. It's so environmental-unfriendly and tiring!

To Swait Zin, transport in Melbourne may be expensive for you, but it's FREE for me! i didn't spend a single cent on transport. When out with my colleagues, we used the city tram, which is a free service. Then to and back from the conference, the government has hired a driver for us, which made me feel a bit erm.. embarassing? Now everyone at the conference knows how much pampered we are. Then when i was out alone, i'd just walk. I love walking around, at my own pace. That's when i got to relax and enjoy myself in Melbourne. I spent 3 to 4 hours walking around the city centre on my last evening there. It was fantastic!

Come to think of it, food is not that expensive too because the portion is HUGE! But water is definitely expensive there. $3.50 for a 500ml bottled mineral water.

I really like the life there. When people are working, they really work. When they've finished work, they really enjoy themselves. I'm so inspired by the people i met at the conference. They really know their stufss well. Everyone just seemed so efficient. I will work my way to become one of them one day. I met a number of nice people and made 2 new friends, Louisa from South Africa and Alex from Sydney.

Erm.. let's don't talk about too much about the conference here or i'm going to end up saying lots of inappropriate things. Overall, this trip is eye-opening for me about many things, both good and bad.

The lesson of my trip? I want something more out of my life and i'm going to work for it!
Haha, hope i can keep this motivation going.

I am aware that, the fact that i am so new yet so lucky has irritated some people at work place. Hm.. i can't do anything about it. That is life, you don't get what you want all the time but i believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe it's even more annoying for those people to know that i got the chance effortlessly. Somehow, i got it. It's unbelievable for everyone, including myself. I don't like an unplanned trip but i still had to go.
To be honest, i didn't look forward to the trip. Now i'm glad i got the chance. It makes me realize that how insufficient my knowledge is, as a teacher, as a Bruneian and as a fresh graduate. It also brings me to think twice about my future, makes me more willing to step out from my comfort zone.

I know i'm lucky. So? That doesn't make me stronger or better than anyone else. Ok i might sound ungrateful. But do they really think being lucky is a good thing? It may be but for me, that also makes me less capable, as in less capable in getting what i want with my own hands. It's just so easy for me to take things for granted. Sometimes i really think myself is so vulnerable because i have never gone through real hardship. Not that i ask for it but how am i going to grow up without any of it? I feel insecure when my life is so good and perfect. I want to be tough, to be independent, to be able to take care of myself without any help.
I feel hurt but i won't let it get to me for long. I know what i'm doing and i do things with my conscience. It can be depressing at times, when i don't know who i can trust at work place. Things are actually very simple yet people tend to make it become complicated. Why can't we just be more altruistic to each other? If animals like primates and insects can be altruistic, why can't we? We should feel happy for friends' achievement too. Maybe i'm just not a friend to them yet. People just seem to feel threatened when someone else is better than them, even me too sometimes. But why? is it because lack of self-confidence?

I'm glad that once in a while, i am able to pick on myself about my weaknesses. And i think the me now is more willing to face my shortcomings and not so afraid to ask for advices. Keep it up, Jocy!! Instead of worrying what i don't know, it's more sensible to find out how i can improve myself. hm.. i am thinking to re-learn japanese again. I wish one day i can speak to a nihon-jin in nihon-go. And i also hope one day, i'll ask question at a conference. I'm thinking, i'll give myself a few years time for this current job and see how i feel by then. This job is interesting but i don't think i want to stick to the same job for the rest of my life. I want to try out different things while i'm still young and energetic. I don't want to always just take whatever that comes my way. I want to be more initiative in the future. Well we'll see..

First day in Australia

I am homesick!!! Miss my family and dear almost immediately. My HOD and colleague stay in 4th floor but i myself stay on 5th floor. I feel so insecure and scared. For someone who leaves home alone for the first time and it's to places she has never been too, i feel bit helpless. But, everything happens for a reason. I'm sure by the end of this trip, i'd feel very accomplished.

The things are soooo expensive. I'm practicaly scared off by the prices. One pate of rice costs AUD$8.50 (the cheapest i can find so far) that is about $11 in brunei. But worthed it lah the portion is very huge. A bit salty for me the vegies so i finished the rice plus half of the vegies then tapao the remaining half and one extra rice. Since i got microwave oven in my apartment hotel room, that will be my next lunch or dinner. Also bought one bowl noodle (like the one i see in advert on taiwan channe) for my breakfast tomorrow. I don't want to overspend during this trip so probably won't buy much. Like cutting my throat eh. But i'll still buy some souveniors for my close family and friends.

I need to pay to come online so this is probably my last post here until i'm back to brunei again. The hotel doesn't provide free wireless services, which means wasted my energy to carry my heavy laptop all the way from brunei. I'm paying it on my own because i don't think it's appropriate to include this bill into my room charges.

I feel like my colleagues are so used to attending oversea conferences, they find it soo easily to adapt oh. and i guess they may have forgotten this is my first trip. I still feel bit lost. Really like orang kampung go to town oh. Nevermind, it's good enough i get to come here for free. Can;t ask for more.
I really wonder how ah chiou and emily survived here oh for their study. The things are soo expensive. No wonder lizzy always says things in brunei or singapore are cheap.

I miss my dear eh. Cannot keep sms-ing with him because the charges for roaming are expensive too, even when i'm using malaysian line. I don't want to end up in debt when i go back to brunei. This is just a 7 days trip and i already spent half of my allowances on buying appropriate clothes and accessories for this conference. I cant wait for the conference day. Not looking forward to shopping liau.
Ok i better go up to my room now. I'm using the guest pc on ground floor and it's 8pm now but the sun was still there outside when i checked it at 7.30 just now, just like 5pm in brunei. I love the weather here though, cool breeze plus bright sun. Brighten up my mood soo effectively.

Till here then people. Goodnight. Will update about my trip when i go back to brunei. Love you all~

I'm going to Australia

Like what the title of this post says, i am going to Melbourne day after tomorrow. Very Very short notice. The approval just came to us yesterday afternoon after 3pm and today it's confirmed we're going to Melbourne. I don't really like the time of the flight. It's 1.35am of 7th November. But i shouldn't complain anything because first, the tickets and accomodation are free, secondly, the conference is free as well, thirdly, allowance is also provided and lastly, i am one lucky girl. Usually, people who are still daily-paid do not get the chance of oversea trips. Somehow, i've got it. ALso, usually, the government only send people to Asian countries. Yet, i'm sent to Australia for my first ever working trip! Not to mention i have just started working 3 months ago. It's unbelievable but it's a fact! I guess i am indeed fortunate to have a HOD who is soo enthusiastic about our department and who is sooo responsible for staffs who work under him.

I am very happy with it. But, knowing me, i'm not the type who react quickly to changes. So the excitement in me is not that strong yet, unlike my HOD and my colleague, who are also going. They seem like can't wait for another minute to go. On the other hand, i wish i have more time to 'digest', 'absorb' and 'assimilate' the news.

Plus because of the trip, i'm missing 7 hours of classes. Hope i have enough time to do all the practicals with my students.

The other day, at the yoga studio, i made a new friend. She is a teacher in St Andrews and her first assumption on me is i am a student. When she asked me, 'you're a student right?' i went speechless. It's flattering alright but not an advantage when i am a teacher to mature students.

Tomorrow i'll be going to ICC for the teachers' day celebration. I thought i wouldn't get the invitation card since i'm so new. But i got it and have to go. Just go lah, can see HM what. Mama is going too but she has to come back to teach at 3.30pm. Hopefully we have chance to lunch together tomorrow. I need to buy certain things to bring with me to Melbourne. I need to do some outfit shopping tomorrow because i don't have the approriate attires to wear for an international conference. I'd be excited immediately if i could wear jeans and tees. I also need to buy australian dollars. I don't have a credit card yet so i have to bring more cash with me.

Lesson of the day for me: Always be thankful for what you get or have. Appreciate whatever people have done for you. For you, it may be something undesirable but for someone, it's someting he or she has worked so hard to get it for you!

Ok, time to sleep. Since i'm going to ICC tomorrow, i need to leave tutong earlier than usual. So i should be off to bed now. Will update next week when i'm back from Melbourne, if i have time. My next week is packed. Spend almost whole friday on flight then saturday back to work. Sunday i'm attending a yoga workshop. Wow! I'm so looking forward to it. It's been a long time that i don't get to experience hectic life.
Goodnight ladies

Yoga made my day

Today marked my first complete shoulderstand. Yea!!!!


My first attempt failed, due to the strain on my neck. Then the second attempt went well. I have never doubted the importance of having a good yoga instructor. My instructor helped me through the pose and even identified my problem regarding the pose. She's the best instructor one can ever find. Just in case you're wondering, shoulderstand is like this:

And, my next goal is to do the headstand. That will be tougher. But i'm sure i can do it with practice.

My HOD bought me a cosmetic bag from KL. I"m so glad to have a HOD like him, very thoughtful yet a perfectionist. I'm sure i'll become a very capable teacher if i work with him. Oh yeah, this december, i'll be going to KBFSC, finally the chance for me is here! I look forward to the trip because i have been wanting to go since ages ago. But i'm also dreaded for it because the tentative dates are among the days when i'll be having my period. Some more, the electricity will be off after 11pm. I'm so going to make sure i fall asleep before 11. Well, this always happens, i always worry about the hygience, the darkness and the hard time i'm going to experience before a field trip. In the end, it usually turns out i enjoy myself. So, we'll see..

These days i'm looking forward to vacation. Now that i have a stable monthly income, budget is no longer a problem for me. It's the time that is a challenge. No matter what, i must go out from brunei for once, even if it's just Labuan or Miri. I reckon as long as i get to stay in a hotel, i'll be able to tell myself i have had a vacation. I would love to go to Singapore, miss the food and shopping centres there.
I heard that i'll be sent to BARC for attachment this december though. Hm.. everything needs planning, and i mean, early planning.

Till here for today. Take care old ladies.
Lizzy, enjoy yourself at the emergency unit and good luck for your residency.
Mimi, take your time to adapt to your new life. Good luck with all your practicals. I'll email you about the things Lini asked soon.
Mama, the pay is out right?? We should meet and hang out! I'll contact you about that.

i'm in love...with myself

I am so fond of myself now, for the fact that i am able to be so lenient to myself.

I gave a short test to my students and unfortunately, majority failed. To my surprise, i consider those getting 40% not too bad. I was bit worried because i was afraid i'm the reason why the students don't do well. Maybe something's wronged with my teaching. So, i went up to my colleague in the same department, showed her my notes and the test paper and asked for her opinion. I can't believe at that time, i could be that open-minded that i was willing to accept any criticism. I mean, i thought i would feel insecure to show other people the notes i am making, i thought i couldn't handle negative remarks. Glad that i was wronged. I must say, there are helpful people everywhere but to find them, i must not be embarassed to ask, must be brave enough to admit my weaknesses.
Ok, my colleagues think i am doing ok. So i guess what i need to do now is try to be in my students' shoes, which is the hardest part for me. Not to say i'm arrogant, i am never the weak student in class so it's difficult for me to understand why is it so hard to learn.
Nevermind, i would find the way out one day. I am still new in teaching.

I am also amazed that i can accept the fact that my arms are flabby, my tummy are bulging out. I feel plump but ok with it. As long as i'm consistent with my yoga practice and eat wisely, one day i'll have nice figure.. hm.. well i'm more concerned about reaching a heathy weight now.

For these two things, i am happy with myself. Really made my day. That's why i want to jot it down here :)

Gambate Jocy, you can do it!

I've caught a cold

I must remember to take medicine before i sleep tonight. My nose is getting blocked and my throat feels irritated all the time. Oh gosh.. thank god it's revision week so i don't have to teach. Until now, i still have to deliberately raise my voice whenever i teach. Or else the students at the back won't be able to hear me.
When i was young, i was always told to lower my voice. But now i have to raise my voice more. Hmm...
Similarly, i was brought up in a way that we shouldn't talk back to elders, be it right or wrong. We must obey parents and teachers. Then when i went to uni, we're encouraged to question about everything. It's so contradicting. But i must say, i'm living in a family where conflicts are to be avoided, by all means.

I really enjoyed my yoga class today. I did it at a pace which i was very comfortable with, and because there were only a few people, so my yoga instructor managed to focus on each of us. I got corrected a few times today, which is soo good. I would like to try the shoulder stand and even the head stand soon. Too bad i'm having my period so couldn't do those today.
Then, Amani is coming to the same yoga instructor now. I love watching my yoga instructor and amani doing yoga. They're both very inspiring people to me.

Recently, i have this thought of going out alone, shopping, eating and watching movie all by myself. Maybe these days i seldom have time to be alone. I don't like feeling lonely but i'm the type of people who prefers to be alone once in a while. So i can calm all the noises in my head.

I want to go on a vacation before this year ends. By vacation, i mean staying in a hotel. I rarely have chance to stay in a hotel. It's good so i can save up on accomodation. It's not so good because it's hard for me to really relax during my vacation. I want a vacation where i can forget about the time and day and just let myself go.

My parents will be going to singapore this weekend. I wish to go singapore also, miss the food there. Pun sia sia...
I always have this idea of travelling alone but i don't dare to sleep in a hotel by myself. Heard too many stories about hotel.

Hi Hi, still alive

I just found out that the last time i updated here was more than a month ago. Time really waits for no man.

There are lots of things i always wanted to post it up here because i am going through a lot of my first-times.
Tomorrow morning, i'll have to sing a hari raya song on stage, together with all the other new teachers of the school. Not much practice has been done. But i'm not very worried, i guess thanks to the class-teaching. I'm now more confident with talking in front of a small crowd. Mind the word 'small'. More confident with my english speaking.

Last sunday i had a fantastic afternoon, out with mama and nonoi. We were planning to visit houses but out of the blue, someone mentioned about movie and that's it, we ended up watching 'the perfect gateaway' and enjoyed a 'free' tea time at au lait (thanks to nonoi's cousin). It was such a great sunday, out with the girls. I can't wait for the next time. There are 5 restaurants that we want to try out.

I make a deal with myself that, the next time when i get compliments on how i look, especially my weight, i will just smile and say 'thank you', instead of trying to convince people how wrong they are. I should learn from now to get used to compliments.

I realized that it gets on my nerve everytime when people say that i have a well-pay job in such a way that is just like saying 'you're so lucky!'. Excuse me, i worked hard to get what i have today. It's the same like when people think i get good results because i am smart. Well, maybe i am but that is not what helped me through my exams. Ok, in a way, does it show that i care a lot about what people think of me? I think i'm still thinking like a kid at times, when i need people to pat on my head and tell me i did well.
So now, i'm trying to develop a new habit. Everytime when i'm impressed with something someone does, i make sure i let that person know.

You know, sometimes i get so sick of the way some people do things. But i can never bring myself to tell them what's wrong with them because first, who am i to judge, and secondly, i have been brought up in a way that any conflicts are to be avoided. Sometimes it can be so easy for people to walk over me. All they need to do is to be louder than me. I usually take a long while to get habituated to uncomfortable situations. Wow, not bad! I manage to link what i teach to my life. For your information, for one of the subjects i teach, i am learning and teaching at the same time.

Yesterday i attended my first technical school convocation, as a teacher. It looked as if half of the new teachers in technical studies are graduates from UBD. So many familiar faces there.

I actually got a big assignment paper to set but today i just allowed myself to be laid back for whole morning and evening (afternoon was at the school practising for the song). Finally i got to watch Ice Age 3 and finish watching Sex and the City season 3.

Despite the fact that facebook is the in things nowadays, i am still very conservative. I hardly post my picture on the web and i really don't like it when people post a video with me in it on a site like facebook, WITHOUT asking for my permission. I love sharing stuffs with friends but not on facebook or other similar sites. Because things being posted on facebook means you're sharing it with everyone. If one day, people start relying totally on facebook to keep in touch, i'll be soooo out of touch with people. Is facebook bringing us closer to or tearing us apart from each other?

I am so not used to mentioning my relationship when talking with people. But i realized how much helpful it can be sometimes to let people know i'm not singled anymore. And i also found out one thing. Until today, at the age of 24, i will still panic when someone came up to me and tell me he likes me. I would go speechless and as high as 99% possibility, i would want to run away from that person. Oh gosh, i haven't changed much.. hmm...

Someone just hit me with a red bomb

..and that's Josh.
Lee Shi, i'm not sure if you know about this but Josh just told me this morning that he had been processing his marriage cert since the past few months and i went like Oh My God! Oh My God!
He is married!! In the near future, he is going to be a boss too! Such a bright future for him..
I requested that his shop to be opened on friday or sunday, so i can come :p

Ok, i'm not supposed to blog when i'm in the school but please spare me.. i have just done 2 sets of markings and moved to a new desk. I need a break.
Bad news is, i am given a gentle reminder from my HOD that i should stop giving tuition. Good news is, i have a firm reason now to quit tuition. Yes, although i continue my tuition till now, it's just because my sense of responsibility doesn't allow me to quit halfway. But it is soo tiring and restricting! Let's pray that i can stop everything by the end of this month. At the mean time, i'll try to see what i can do for my students. Maybe give them questions to practise on their own for their exams.

Last saturday night i went to Seasons with mama and nenoi! It was a wonderful night, lots of catch-ups, chit-chats and delicious food. Too bad mimi and ana couldn't come with us.
I need to catch up with nining as well.

Once again i want to say, i miss my yoga class. How i wish there is at least one sport i'm good at..

It's been a while

I haven't got the chance to enjoy subgkai buffet with any of the old ladies. We must find a chance to meet at least once, before mimi takes off.
I fast too you know, i'll have my sahur before 6.30 every morning and break my fast at around 3 in the afternoon. If it's a thursday, then i'll break my fast after 4 due to the tuition class. After 2 weeks, i actually enjoy when my tummy feels empty because i feel slim. Haha.. but it feels great to know that i can resist eating for that many hours in a day. Not that we non-muslims are not allowed to eat, i just feel inappropriate to eat or drink when there are colleagues fasting in the same staff room. But sometimes i'll quickly take a sip of water when they're away for the ceramah agama and tadarus session.

I've started teaching this week. I was soooo nervous and i finished teaching in one hour when the period i had was 1 hr 50 mins. I talked too fast i guess. So far so good. My HOD told me the only things i need to improve are my voice projection and the size of my handwritings on the whiteboard. The other teacher told me i would learn how to control the class better as time goes.
One thing for sure is, i am enjoying my job. I can't think of any other job that suits me so well.
My students are adorable. I can't stop laughing when with them.

There is only one thing i feel a bit restricted is the choice of my items. I usually like colourful and girly or sometimes cartoon stuffs but i have to stop using those when i'm in the school, especially after the incident where some students mistaken me as their new classmate.
Actually that really made my day because it's a compliment to me. For someone who used to be told that she looked older than her older sister since young, that is really flattering. But i still think i should look like a teacher when i'm in the school area, just like i never allowed myself to wear anything knee-length or very short sleeve outfits when i was in ubd. I'm very particular when it comes to clothing. I don't like going against the rules.

I can't wait to go back to my yoga class but at the moment, i still have home tuitions at night. It would be rushing for me if i go for yoga class after work. It's ok, i'll just have to bear with another 2 months or so then i'll be free~ after working hour. There are plenty of things i'd like to do after work, yoga, jogging, bring my niece and nephew out for a walk or a drive at the beach. Too bad at the moment, i still feel exhausted when i'm back from work. It's as if i've used up all my energy at my workplace.

Talking about tiredness, i should stop here and go to bed now. Night, old ladies. Sweet dreams

Correction..

I felt a little bit embarassed when my colleague told me the other day that the title of my post is Senior Technical Instructor. Ooppsss i've been saying assitant technical instructor whenever i'm asked by people. Hiya...

A week after i reported myself to the school, finally it's confirmed that i'm attached to the Biotechnology department. Erm.. the courses are relevant to those we learnt in UBD so it's ok, though i did wish maybe i could be placed to agriculture studies or fisheries, so i could learn more new stuffs. But like what dear said, i'm not there to study but to teach. Plus, another main reason why i'm in the biotech is because the dept is 'critically' under-staff. There are only 4 of us, including me. Two of them will be off to do their masters next january. So it'll be left with me and the HOD. My HOD has a lot of plans in mind that he wants to do for our dept. I hope i can accomplish well whatever tasks he's giving me. He is also going to be my coach.
So for the moment, i'll be doing observing for the coming 3 weeks and if nothing goes wrong, i'll start teaching next month, 7 contact hours per week, so it's not bad. My main worries are conducting the practical classes as well as dealing with the students.
Well, it is a new school, so all the departments are either under-staff or the staffs are leaving soon for further training, so next year i might be transferring to another department. Who knows..
But i'm going to try my best, because i'm not used to letting myself and people around me down.

I've decide to cut down on my tuition classes. So i'll stop teaching at one of the tuition schools starting next month. But honestly, if by that time i think i can cope, i might just continue. I thought of quitting because last week was really exhausting for me. I know that eventually i'll get used to the driving, the distance and the education system. A part of me thinks i should just bear with it and go along with my students until they finish their final exams, but another part of me think i should really focus on my main job. I can be multi-tasked but i'm not so sure if i can do well in all the tasks, especially i have 0% experience in proper school teaching. I've never done any lesson plan, never learn the process if conducting a practical class, never experience marking of assignments. At the moment, i really think i won't have enough time to be well-prepared for my tuition classes but i won't give up just yet.
Hm.. perhaps, the students may have to see my stress-out face sometimes :p

Brunei is such a small country. Most of the faces i see in the school are familiar. There are also students coming up to me and said she is my junior from smso. Until today, i'm still not sure about some of the names. I must learn to remember names as quick as possible. It's really rude to forget a person's name.

Oh yeah i got a rejection letter from Agriculture department today. Hm.. not surprised but a bit disappointed. In a way, i am proud. Only me can reject people, but not the other way round. Tsk tsk tsk..

Ok, overall, i like my new working environment (it'd be soo perfect if there's no haze). It's quiet, the staffs are friendly. The best thing about it is, the school is small, the staffs are not many, so are the students.

Unfortunately, my time is packed now.. i can't find a time for my facial. Oh no...

medical report is out..

so on thursday i'll be seeing the doctor (oh no, the waiting~) and then if possible, send it to to the Dept of Technical Education. Or else, i'll just have to wait till saturday morning to send it. Thought i could start on the first day of august but oh well, think on a bright side, saturday is not a good day to start for me because usually, i am exhausted on friday night and will extend my sleeping time in the next morning.
I kind of hate this feeling, it's like .. i have no control of what is going to happen next. i like to keep things simple and straightforward and i really really really hate feeling suspense. When i watch a movie, i like to have an ending, sad or happy but not those types where you're left with a huge space to imagine what is the possible ending. I guess that's why i feel so depressed during the job hunt, when i had to wait for something which might or might not come to me.

For my friends out there, if we are close enough and you're still single, please don't mind about me keep asking you to find a lover. I may be a little bit too naggy but i have no intention to show off about me having a bf oh. I realized today that i may be too busybody, when meimei told me that i always urge her to find a boyfriend whenever we meet. What does it have to do with me when people dont have a boyfriend or girlfriend? But, it's really wonderful to have someone special, at least you know that no matter what happen, someone will always be there for you.
Yeah, some people think bestfriends are more reliable than boyfriend. But in my case, i'm used to turn to dear for everything because he understands me better than anyone else. Maybe also because in his eyes, i'm never the bad guy. That is very comforting for me.

One more thing, today meimei reminded me that lee shi is single too. I was like, yeah hor!
SZ said yung soon is single too because he wants to focus on making money for the coming 5 years. When he has the money, girls will come to him. I told SZ, 'Yeah lor, those girls that go to him are the 'leftovers', the good one are already married by that time'
Ooppsss... no offfence people. It's just the first thing that came to my mind and I normally say all kinds of stupid, funny things when talking with certain friends.
In fact, i think that's one of the main reasons why i become a quiet person. I just don't think many people can endure my sense of humour, let along the fact that i'm blunt in talking sometimes. So, being quiet can save me from unnecessary conflicts.

These days i start to think having a career and starting a family are two things that can be done at the same time. When you have your own family, you'd be more motivated to pursue a career. When you have a career, you'll want to have someone to share your achievements. Right?
Yes, i know very well that a great sum of money is needed for a wedding. So i am curious, who is the person who started the idea that wedding must be grand? I always think my dream wedding will be something simple and warmth. Yeah, i think, just i think.

Dear has gone back to miri this week. I miss him a bit badly. He's been here for the past month and although it's still just chatting on the web, i just feel closer to him when he's in the same town with me. Have to start all over again to get used to meeting on weekends.

I'm bad at keeping in touch with friends, so i always feel sad when my friend is going oversea. I'm not keen in chatting, not keen in facebooking, not keen in keeping up with whatever new facility or networking in the web.. i'm only keen in meeting in persons, and maybe emailing (i actually prefer snail mail). When i read the old ladies' blog, most of the time, i wouldn't think of leaving comments. Because i just want to know how they are and what they're up to lately. It only occurs to me some time later that oh yeah, i can leave a comment or something. Then when i meet with someone who i haven't met for months or years, i always wonder will that person think i've changed? have i changed into someone less interesting? am i boring to hang out with?
Hmm.. am i thinking too much?

I've got more things to say but it's very late now, 20 more mins to midnight. Got to sleep

Recently the espeed connnection here is terrible. I reckon if someone like me notice it, the lag must be real bad.

I'm going to be an assistant technical instructor in Wasan Vocational School. Well, i received the offer letter last tuesday, just before HM's birthday. It took me a week to 'register' in my mind that i'm going to be a teacher. I felt rather blanked at first. I had been waiting for the offer for more than 2 months and i had gone for other interviews at the agriculture department. My hope has shifted and here, come the offer. I'm the type of person who likes to plan in advance and do as i plan. It's like i am given something which i had longed for but had moved on to other things.
I can see that people around me are far more excited than i am. It's been a week since i got the offer and i'm done with my medical check. Now all i have to do is wait for my medical check report and then i'll start working. Honestly, i still feel as if my feet are not on the ground. Anyway, i am going to be an assistant technical instructor. That is a fact (provided my medical check result says i'm fit).

One thing i must say is, i have the coolest mom, coolest dear and coolest friends in the world. My last interview wasn't good. But whoever i had told about it told me the problem is not in me, it's the job that is problematic. I know it's the most natural things to say to your loved ones but i appreciate that a lot. Thanks to whoever said that to me. You're the best.

Transformer 2 is good

I went to watch the movie Transformer 2 with dear last night, and tried the new spicy KFC chicken. The movie was great and enjoying but the chicken were far too spicy than i can handle. Wonder is that the reason for my diarrhea today.
I highly recommend everyone to watch the new transformer movie. The duration is about 2.5 hrs but i hardly felt the time passed. How i wish i could have one car like bumble bee. It really suits people like me, who is lazy to drive. The best thing is, you don't have to feed it with petrol, so very helpful for my bank account.
We watched it at the Empire Cinema. You'd be greeted by the staff and advised to wash your hands with hand sanitiser. Good measure to prevent spreading of H1N1.

The flu cases are on the rise. My sister accompanied my brother in law to Limbang last friday to make his passport. Because of that, fook is kept out of school for a week and I'm sure he is happy about it. Last night will probably be the last time we watch movie in a cinema before this pandemic is over. I don't feel comfortable to go to crowded places at this time.

These days it always rains at night and sunny or cloudy during day time. A sunny day with thick cloud on the sky = super hot. I'm darker now and probably, 'drier'.

Next monday i'll have my second interview with the agriculture department. I don't think i did well for my last one. Hope this time i'll be calmer and do better. Personally, i do think i'm more ready than ever to start a job now. But, it's hard for me to convince people about it. I'm never good at marketing myself i guess.

I bought a new book on my last trip to miri. The book is written by Dr Wu Pei Chee, in chinese. According to that book, WHO has categorized the world population into 3 groups; 15% of us are suffering from severe sickness or cancers, only 10% are classified as healthy and the rest, as many as 75%, are in the intermediate zone. We're not fully healthy and are in the progress of turning sick, seriously. I'm sure i'm belonged to that 75%. First, i'm overweight, then i have migraine, high fat percentage and irregular tummy pain. Also, i don't exercise enough. I must do something about it. hm...

Lee Shi, hope you're feeling good. Don't worry, i'm not working during day time except for friday, so any time if you need an ear to listen, just give me a call. I may not be able to give you sound advice but i can definitely curse with you for whatever is troubling you (if that can bring you comfort).

I think i should grab a chance to market myself to the interviewers on my next interview. i really hope i can get a job, whether it's part time, full time or temporary. I wonder is it ok to take initiative to offer doing daily-paid for them, if i can't get the post. Will that make me sound desperate to them? It's true though that i'm despearate for a job. Somehow we have been told that never show that you're desperate for the job during the interview. Haih... why do people like to put on masks these days?

Su yee has given birth to a baby boy this morning. Feel great for her but i'm not in a celebrating mood. Had a small argument with dear last night. He's not wronged, and i do not think i'm wronged too. It's just a matter of men's views vs girls' views. I wish to settle everything with him but being me, i always avoid unpleasant things, as in argument. wish to talk it over with him yet don't wish to talk to him.. dilemma~

These days, people always say girls or women should voice out for themselves. Be brave to be yourself, to speak your mind, to claim your rights, bla bla..
Does it always have to be that way? Is that to be blamed for the rising cases of divorcy, rising number of succesful yet single women? Yes, you can still enjoy life even when you're single. But for me, there are lots of things to be missed for a woman who stays single all the time. Maybe i'm the type who is longing for family life. Family matters to me than anything else. I like to fill my life with lots of love. Most of the time, i don't mind to be taking advantage of because i believe loss is gain in certain circumstances. I don't mind to give in, even if deep down i still disagree with you. As long as i know what i'm doing, it doesn't matter at all how you look at me.
Is that naive?
I am aware that, i won't be the only one that has to be responsible for things i do. Because to many, i'm am someone's daughter, someone's granddaughter or someone's sister. I can ignore others' views but i can't be ignorant to how my family might feel.

Wish to watch Transformer 2 and the Ice age 3. But these days we're advised to avoid going to places like cinema. I can't take the risk of bringing the virus home because i have kids staying with me. What's more, kids these days are so susceptible to sickness, despite the fact that they eat, drink and use better stuffs than back then during our time. I guess it's evolutation, all those viruses and bacteria are doing their best to be the fittest, so are those manufacturers of the pharmaceutical industry. Wow! It's a real life evolutionary arm-race.

Another niece has come, maybe a nephew's on the way

It's such a hot day today and the chung hwa school was celebrating parents' day this morning. We were all anticipating my niece's performance at the singing contest but my sis persuaded her not to join. Oh well~ it's the matter between them two.
I have to learn not to get invovled too much in such matters.

My cousin muimui has given birth to a baby girl yesterday afternoon. My new niece will come to live with my aunt in october. The child will stay with the grandma and my cousin will go back to singapore. If it were me, i wouldn't want to stay apart from my children but i guess that is life, there are situations where you have to give in. I believe all parents love their children deeply and they would do anything to make their children happy. That's why i think i'm not yet ready to become a parent because i'm yet to learn to be selfless.

Now i'm waiting for news from su yee. She's giving birth soon too. Wish i could go to Labuan when she has given birth. But that will depend on whether i can skip my tuition classes. I always think, once you become a teacher, your responsibility doesn;t stop until your students have completed their final exams.

I was reading through the Brunei Times just now and one article caught my eyes. It's an interview with someone from JobSolutions. They provide services to jobseekers as well as employers. They think the attitude of local jobseekers is not healthy and a lot of us don't have the go-getter type of personality. I am 'terasa' eh hehe I'm that kind of people (and i'm still able to admit it with a smile... hopeless eh).
i need a push to be a go-getter. Somebody please, give me a push :p
Should i send my CVs to companies that are not bio-related? Should i continue study?
One of my students asked me why don't i just be a full time tuition teacher. In my heart, my answer is, 'continuing teaching students like you guys? Please, spare me!'
Very mean me. Ok, i'm just kidding, though it's true. Students these days just don't come to tuition for tuition. Oh well, that is a job i've chosen to do so i have to deal with it. Besides that, i still enjoy teaching. I just hope that the students won't find me too demanding.

It's the weekend and the second term school holiday has started. Oh gosh! Holidays, meaning both my niece and nephew will be at home from morning to night. Challenging~ But, i will survive~

I'm doing good :)

Old ladies, thanks for your comments. I'm doing alright now.
I had a long conversation with dear after posting my previous post.

What i realized is, if even me don't respect myself, how can i expect others to respect me?
By giving in all the time not necessary means pleasing others. I shouldn't neglect my own needs and desires, thinking i'm doing someone else a favor. If i don't make myself happy, how can i bring happiness to others?
I'm glad that dear made me see that point.

I wish the new maid could be here sooner. My heels start to crack, i'm getting darker and my house is getting untidy. I mean, not as tidy as when we have a maid. I hope the coming one will be as good as the previous one.
I admire those people who are willing to leave their homeland to make a living in another country. Because i'm not sure if i'm willing to do that. I always feel more secure and comfortable in my own country, my place, my room and on my own bed. Though, i do feel a strong sense of belonging whenever i travel to countries where the major population is chinese, like hong kong and singapore.

I have checked with the acting AR. She told me that i am accepted for the right master programme but the AR of FBEPS have put my name under the wrong list when she sent it to the admin. So now i have to wait for another letter of offer, the correct one, before taking any action. Yeah, waiting again~ but at least i know i've got a place there.
Wonder will i get the teaching post at wasan.. it's been a month since my interview and last time my colleague waited for 2 months to get an answer. I hope i can get the job because i really like the environment of the school, far from the city, very 'green' and serene.

I really think getting a day time job now will be helpful for me. At least it can keep me away from my house so i can stop thinking i'm super-important in this house.
I'm not my mom, how can i judge for her about what is right and what is wrong?

I miss hiking. Miss the view of beautiful scenery, miss the height. I still love yoga but if given a choice, i still prefer doing something outdoor. I think biking is a great sport but these days the bikes are so expensive. I don't think it's worthed buying one when i'm not sure whether the interest will last long.
Haih.. none of my family members are passionate about exercise. I think having a workout buddy is the best way to stick to one sport but i never have one. And i'm too shy to take initiative to make new friend.
I also wish to learn bellydance one day. I think under the layers of my laziness, i'm actually a sport-lover at heart. But most of the time, i'm drowned in the sea of my laziness.

Run away~

life has been hectic for me for the past few weeks and i got a feeling that i've reached my limit. One more step forward and i'm going to break down. I can't control my emotions well these days. I get depressed too easily and staying optimistic is like one of the hardest things in the world to me.
It's a mixture of anger, helplessness, disappointments and maybe something else.. i don't know..

I'm worn-out.. having to teach tuitions 5 days a week, sharing chores with my mom, looking after my niece and nephew. Most of the times, i don't mind doing all these but there are times when i feel really unfair, like why on earth am i the one being tied down to the kids while my sis and bro-in-law get to do things they like? Just because they're working and those activities are job-related? what about their kids? they always say they miss the kids but their actions don't convince me. maybe there are things i don't understand. or maybe i'm just too frustrated to try to be in their shoes. I mean, if you want to have kids, you should be prepared yourself for all the responsibilities as a parent. Yes i am at home most of the time. But i'm a young lady, who has a part-time tuition teaching job, who has an interest in keeping a healthy exercise regime, and who sometimes will want to have some time for herself! What's more? We dont have a maid at the moment but i do have 2 brothers who don't clean up their mess..

arrrgghhhh!
Because of those, i've become a lousy girlfriend. i have skipped quite a number of my yoga classes, i can't practise on my own at home because the kids just won't leave me alone once they see me doing it. Oh gosh! Did i tell the interviewers last time that i am a patient person? Either all my patience are wiped out by things in my life these days or i've over-estimated myself.

But who to be blamed after all? It's me! No one has ever forced me to do those things. It's me voluntarily take up all the responsibilities. I thought i'm just doing what a daughter should do, just by simply helping her mom. But things get out of hands when my mom has to do more than what she's needed to do. Why? I'm just trying to be considerate and helpful to everyone but why can't i feel a tiny bit of appreciation or thanks from them?
Yeah i know, because they didn't ask me to.. it just keeps on reminding me how i felt when my mom decided to go for a vacation instead of coming to my convocation.

Of course, there are still good and happy things happen in my life, like i realized it's not difficult at all to make myself and my mom a healthy vegetable+fruit juice every morning, even though not much, i finally get my pay every month on time, my dear is being understanding. but i'm only a human, so i naturally focus more on the unhappy things and forget about the good ones. Oh yeah, did i mention that the work i did at IM is published online? Good news but not enough to cheer me up for more than 5 mintues.

I need a break. Everytime when i have the urge to blog, i'll neglect the urge whenever i think of all the depressing stuffs i'm going to write about. Maybe that's a mistake. It's bad to keep everything to myself and worse, to pour everything out to my dear, whether he's busy or not.

Now i know, i have bad time management, bad organizing skills, and what else? wrong way of showing my affection towards my family. Too blindly i guess. Instead of getting close with them, i am actually pushing them away from me. I don't let them find out about my dislikes, about my unwillingness in doing certain things. I don't know why.. that's always been the way since my teenage.
Haih.. i just feel suffocated lately

I received a call from UBD on last thursday, telling me that i'm offered with a master programme. I went to collect my letter of offer today and to my surprise, i am offered with a master in public policy! How is that possible?! I had put in my form that Master in Environmental management and MBA as my first and second choice, respectively. But, excuse me, public policy? What does it have to do with me?

I went to FBEPS this morning, the AR is on leave so i went back there in the afternoon again to see the acting AR, waited for an hour there and the acting AR and the programme leader were nowhere to be seen. Just when i was about to leave the place, finally the actin AR came. I totally understand that ARs are very capable and busy, after working at IM for a few months.
Unfortunately, the acting AR couldn't give me an answer but she's very kind and willing to help me to find out. So the only thing i can do now is wait, wait and wait.. like always.
i thought i finally have a clear direction to go but turned out it's not as i thought. I hope it's just a mistake.
My job-hunting is really discouraging. Although i have only stopped my IM job for 2 months, i feel sad already for not getting a real job. No matter how careful i tried to be, the money will just flow out from my pocket just like river flows from upstream to downstream.

I realized, it's easier to get a place to study nowadays than to get a job. Who knows, i'm the one being choosy.
Some people told me to apply any jobs available, be it relevent to my study or not, while another group told me to focus on jobs that are relevent. Who should i listen?
Some people are saying certain companies are having limited budget in hiring people and hence, chances are always given to people with lower qualifications. How true is that?
I'm not giving up on job-hunting but i'm definitely not as enthusiatic as before.. oh no..

rainy day

Nothing is more comfortable than sitting by a window in an air-con room. The room temperature is just right, the light is warm and not hot on skin.
But i notice these days, my migraine attacks have become more frequent...

Last week something horrible happened and it kept us busy for whole week, plus the maid has now gone back to Indonesia. It's been a hectic week for us. Thanks goodness most things are settled now. I hate it when people ask about it. It's rude not to answer them but it's painful to tell them what has happened. It's just like reminding us about the incident. Too bad, people aren't aware of that. They just want to satisfy their curiousity.

I've been skipping 3 yoga classes so far. Hopefully next tuesday i'd have time to go. I miss the sweatings and stretchings. Dear thinks i'm slimmer now haha. I do feel fitter now. Keep it going yeah!

I went for an interview on wednesday morning for the wasan job. Hope i can get the offer. I've been to several interviews but haven't passed any. That's depressing. I really hope i can get the offer.

One good thing about not having maid at home is i get to move around more and i love doing the laundry. I think i should take courses on home economics, since i like staying at home.
I'm thinking of buying a new mobile phone. I have my eyes on Nokia 6600, a fold phone. Still thinking, still planning...

weekend~ i miss you

I left a comment in Lizzy's recent blog, attempting to crack a joke but seems like i've hurt lizzy with the word i used. Feel bad about it. I'm really sorry, Lizzy. Hope you're not mad at me anymore. Dui bu chi! Sumimasen!

I've stopped working at IM and started teaching tuition in April. Fook laughed that the amount i earned from my tuition teaching for one month is equivalent to just 2 to 3 days pay for my previous job. Some people might think i should've agreed to extend the contract period. But i have no regrets for switching to teaching tuition, because of the job satisfaction it brings to me. When i was working in IM, i never felt accomplished. But teaching brings me satisfaction and the most important thing is, it provides me a chance to re-learn Biology. So i fall in love once again with bio, except for the topics on nervous system and muscles. Apart from bio, i'm also learning how to communicate with people. For the first time after i completed my study, i feel alive again.

So now my weekdays are mostly spent on preparing notes and questions for O Level Bio, PMB Science, Year 2 Science and Maths and form 4 bio. My week becomes packed. But i manage to sqeeze in 2 yoga classes each week and i'll definitely keep my saturday and sunday free. I need a break and those are the days for dear.

The other day i had a conversation with my grandma. Then i realized those worries and fears i have for not getting a job are pointless. It seems like i'm the only one who is worrying about being unemployed. Most of my family members respect my will, though my mom and sister actually prefer me to continue studying, instead of working.
Compare to others, i am very fortunate. I have a degree good enough for me to choose any field for master, i have all the supports from my mom and sis and also my extended family if i want to continue study, and i have no loans to pay (thank god i didn't buy a new car). So i'm going to cherish what i have. I have submitted application form for doing a master in UBD. It took me months to convince myself to apply for studying oversea but i didn't hesitate for long for studying in UBD.
I'm glad too my family is not the type who think i must go abroad in order to get a 'branded' degree. In fact, my grandma and mom think the local uni is better. Yeah, i share the same view too, though for a different reason. They prefer me to study here so i am well taken care of while studying. SOmetimes i think i'm over-protected but most of the time, i appreciate all the loves i have.

I'm losing my voice, can't stop coughing while teaching. Hope i'll feel better tomorrow or i'd have to miss my yoga class. Time to sleep. Goodnight ladies! Sweet dreams

Last day of work

Yea! Finally, my last day of being a research assistant has come!
I feel quite glad that i can leave the job but shouldn't i feel worried, because from now onwards, i'm unemployed??!!

Anyway, my boss and other colleagues gave me a card. My boss also bought a necklace with a very cute mobile-phone pendant, and a set of white board markers plus white board cleaner. He thinks these things will be handy when i start to teach. I was like, Wow, he really thinks i'll end up as a teacher.
On tuesday, one colleague brought me out for lunch. If not for a meeting, i'll be treated to free lunch again yesterday. This afternoon, my boss brought me and my other colleagues out for lunch too. So i assume i'm not a bad colleague yeah.

People always ask what is my plan next? Hmm.. holiday?
Hehe. I'm going to Labuan this saturday afternoon for tomb-sweeping. Then next friday probably will go to Miri. I miss staying at home. Because of the always-late salary, i guess i can still laid back for a while before getting a job. So, it's not totally a bad thing to have late salary.

These days i've been open-minded and easygoing with myself. Maybe because i've been treating my body and mind well. I eat moderately, i've done two sessions of yoga this week, i did a reasonable amount of work before i leave the job. Now, i'm going to start getting a new job, start a new life.

Today my boss asked me why didn't i continue study for master. I told him frankly that i just don't have the desire to study further now. After saying that, i realized oh yeah, that's the main reason and a good one too. Simple and straightforward but very true.
Before i get a job, i'm going to stay at home with my niece and nephew every day. A good training for me to become patient and resilient, i bet.
Enjoy~

1st post of 24th

i feel old..
back in high school, i never experience any severe PMS. The most, period only brought me a little bit discomfort mainly because of the hot weather here. But these days, on the eve of my period, i always feel lethargic. And this month, i'm having bad menstrual cramps. I have heard of people have something much worse than what i'm experiencing now, so maybe i shouldn't complain much.
I can only sigh.. old age..

on the bright side, i feel hm... loved. Yes, i feel as if my life is full of love. Love from dear, love from my family, love from old ladies, love from friends. Ah! Also love from myself. I'm really thankful for all the helps i receive from people around me. I'm not showing off. I'm just.. having a feeling that things are too good to be true.

On monday night, i went out with tek ying, lim, sal, rye and nyrol. We had dinner at escapade and lim and nyrol bought a surprise birthday cake for me, tek ying and rye (all the three of us have the same birth month, by 5 days gap). That is my first ever surprise birthday cake, first ever celebration in a restaurant where the waiters sing the birthday song for me. Oh~ i sound like the frog at the bottom of the well. A very special memory from that night.

This afternoon, i went out lunch with nining. It's nice to have some catch-ups. Turned out that we both bought a 2nd-hand car at around the same time. Mine is Colt and hers is Echo. But mine is much cheaper than hers by 6ks. Hope she can handle the monthly payment.

A lot of people (elders) are telling me i should grab the golden chance as a bruneian, should do master now, should study while i'm still young. Too many that i start to wonder, how do they define the term 'good' in this case? I mean, how do they know what is good for me? I know i sound ungrateful but i am really curious about that.
I might be short-sighted in a sense that currently, i don't see the point of earning $3k a month since a 26 salary is sufficient for me. And i don't see the point of furthering my study when i don't have the desire for it.
Am i being silly here? Whatever, i'm just going with my own plan. I'm still skeptical about the correlation between qualification and ability to earn big money. Sometimes i think the fact that i am well-educated is hindering me from achieving what i want for life, because i'm too analytical, too worried about possible risks. People always say you have to grab the chance or time waits for no man. So by the time i make my decision, the opportunity is most of the time gone or taken by someone else.
For example, i've been thinking about teaching at tuition school for years but i never take action. Because i'm always worrying that what if i can't teach? what if the students don't improve? will that waste their parents' money? what if the students don't get good grades? I see teaching tuition as a very great responsibility (I wonder had i been that demanding on my tuition teachers back in secondary schools??) Anyway, i'm determined to give teaching a go. After all, the word 'teacher' had filled the blank for my ambition since i was still very young, until i reached form 6, when i realized i have more than 1 choice.

*blank*

Thank you Lizzy. My toe is ok now, the bruise is fading. Maybe because i've always been very careful and protective over myself, i seldom get hurt. So, it's a strange feeling for me to have a painful toe. So i took a picture of my toe on the night the dumb-bell fell on it. A bit sakai, i know :p

I don't name my car. It is officially mine now (forgot if i've announced it before). The bluecard has my name on it. But whenever i talk to my car, i'll call it 'bao bei'. Two days ago, i was using my old good corolla. When i was driving it on the highway, i had that urge to hug the car as tight as i can. I still feel more comfortable with the corolla. Feel like i'm losing something important. I knwo it's silly to think that way. The corolla is still at my place. It's used to be my mom's car and now it's just gone back to its original owner. Now i'm still getting used to my new bao bei.

Good news! I've got my pay, though it's only a month's salary after waiting for 2 months. I reckon it's better than not getting any money at all. I wanted to pay my dad the money he has lent me for buying my car but he declined. So now my main goal is finish off the bank loan as soon as possible.

I've told my boss that i don't want to continue this job even if he's extending the contract period. I think i'm really fed-up with late payment. When the pay day is unpredictable, and sometimes be up to 3 months late, it's so hard for me to manage my personal finance. Each time when i got my pay, i'd assign the moeny nicely but it always gets interrupted in the end due to delay of next pay. It's frustrating to know that i've worked for almost 7 months now but i only got paid for 4 times. I hope to get a job in a private company but that will really depend on luck, because biology is not popular among the private sectors here, i guess.

I can't wait for my last working day to come. Because i get annoyed when i want to do my job hunting but am stucked with my fixed working hours now. I'm the type of person who likes to do things right away once i got the decision. But now my personal matter has to wait till fridays and sundays. Sometimes i'm still forced to go out during working hours, because my working hour is the same as other departments' working hours.

I am still learning to control myself when it comes to food. I am still learning to communicate with my father (a big challenge).

unlucky week

My little toe is reddish black in colour now. My 1kg dumb-bell had fallen onto my toe on the night before last night *Ouch*
i could feel the throbbing pain while i was writing my previous post but i didn't take it seriously, thinking the pain would go away after a sleep. Turned out that the next morning when i woke up, my whole toe was black in colour and i couln't walk normally *sniff *sniff
Then there's this bruise under the knee of my another leg and i also experience sharp pain on my right knee whenever i knee down.

Anyway, I have re-gained normal walking ability now :p
But i just found out that there won't be any yoga class tomorrow. Aww...
I love going to yoga class. First, i always end up soaking in sweat after the class. Secondly, it's not competitive at all. I dont have to compete with anyone and anything. The music is slow and soothing and i can do it at a comfortable pace while still enjoy the cardiac effect. I can still practise yoga at home on my own but going to a class will push to go further/deeper for my stretches and most importantly, the relaxation.

Yesterday i went for a body massage. Guess what the masseuse told me? I need to exercise more because my upper arms and legs are 'loose' as in flabby. Haih.. i am aware of that and also my lack of commitment to slimming down.

I wanted to go jogging but i always have good excuses for me to sleep back in the morning when i don't have to go to work. Hmm.. eversince the bad weather and landslides last time, we have stopped hiking. Oh no.. i need to be more motivated.

Yesterday i got a call from Wasan Vocational School (i sent one application there for daily paid instructor). The girl over the phone told me i have to take my letter from the school. So i went there, expecting something like letter of interviews. While, actually it's just a letter informing me that the school has recommended my application to the Department of Technical Education.
A bit disappointed.. but at least now i know my job application is in the process.
I am not sure about the procedure. I'm just wondering, since it's recommended by the school principal, does that mean the person will have a higher chance of getting the job?
I love the school, though it's a bit far, about half an hour from UBD. I love the environment and the fact that the school is located on the top of a hill. Nice location, peaceful environment.

Yea~ tomorrow is a public holiday. I dread going to work sometimes. Becaue it's near to the end of my contract and i can't wait to start a new job. Also because i still haven't got my pay. I have been waiting for two and the half month. Haih.. Money Money Money Money~

i'm supposed to be in my bed now

I didn't buy a brand new car. I've bought myself a Mitsubishi Colt, a second hand one. I don't have any dream car, nor am i passionate about car. So i just got myself one that i can drive around and most importantly, able to finish the loan without much problem and shorter time.
I understand many people like to have big family cars, whether or not they have a family. Because they think sooner or later, they're going to need a family car. They have a point. But at the moment, what i'm more worried about is the money. As long as i get a job before the month i receive my last salary, i am confident that i can finish off the loan within 2 years.
I notice i like to explain a lot for most of my decisions, fearing of disapproval from anyone that matter to me. Though, i'll still insist on what i want to do even if people are against it.

I am grateful, because my mom, my dad and sister helped me with the payment. All i have to do now is pay them back the money, instead of full loans with the bank. But i also feel guilty to Ping. If i were not me, if i were one of my siblings or close cousins, i'd probably hate me. It probably seems to them that i always have what they want, without working hard for it. I didn't search very hard for this car, i didn't really encounter any serious problem to get my current job and i didn't even ask any of my parents or sis to help me with the payment. I know i am blessed. So i will try my best to appreciate what i have and cherish my family.

There's one thing that really gets on my nerve lately - my pay. I've been working for 3 months without getting paid. It's annoying. If i could get paid every month on time, then i wouldn't have to borrow so much money for buying this car. And i think my working mood is badly affected. There's no motivation to go for work, just thinking of the late salary. I was first told that the salary is normally late by a month. As i started to work, it turned out to be late by one and a half month, slowly 2 months and now it's been late for 3 months. Each of us takes turn to call and ask, and the answer we always get is they have processed it, it'll be out soon, just have to wait.
Excuse me, how soon is their soon? A month? Can they imagine how we feel? Do they understand that us too need money to live?

My family always think i am a patient person. Hm.. has the waiting killed my patience? These few days, the question 'can i sue them?' keep popping up in my mind. Of course i know i can't, but i wish so badly to do so.

Well, maybe patience is never in my blood. I'm just used to avoid conflicts. I don't mind to be taken advantage of, as long as i can maintain the peaceful atmosphere around me. Hmm.. i'm 'allergic' to noise and arguement is a kind of noise pollution to me.

it's a friday

Today is my sister's birthday and this morning, at 6 am, i was waken up by my mom. One of my uncles has passed away in his sleep early this morning, probably before dawn. Don't worry ladies, i'm fine. I haven't seen him for ages, although he's my mom's step-brother. It's still sad, and shocking. He was diagnosed with blockage in his coronary arteries some time last year but he was slowly recovering. But suddenly, he's gone.
Like ping said, when a person heals miraculously fast, normally it hints something bad is on its way. But someone who complains all the time about the pains, that person usually still has a long way to go.
My mom is in labuan now. I'm taking a day off tomorrow so i can stay back in tutong, fetching my brother and niece from school.

Sometimes, i find it a bit sorry because my generation doesn't know those elders from my parents' or grandparents' generations well. There are lots of times when i meet some people, who they know well about my parents or elders in my family but i have no idea how to address them at all. For me, that is not polite. Or sometimes i know who they are but i simply don't know how we are related, so most of the time, i can only smile, as sweet and polite as i can.

A vocational school is looking for a daily-paid instructor. I know, i've said it that i don't want to teach. But now, i'm applying for it. Hmm.. that's life i guess. I have to be 'flexible', do the right thing at the right time. It's a chance after all. Who knows, it might turn out that i enjoy teaching, since i've always longed for someone to share those amazing facts i've learnt. Hope i can get it.

At the moment, i'm thinking of getting a new car. We're short of one car at home. I know my sister and brother have been expecting me to buy a new car since long time ago but i've been procrastinating about it. Because i think what we needed was not a new car, we just needed to be more cooperative and share the cars.
Now i see the need of another car. I'm thinking of getting a second hand one, so i can save more money, with a shorter duration of loans. But both my sister and dad think i should get a brand new car. I don't understand. Does new car always the synonym for less or no problem?
My main problem is, i don't have any preference when it comes to car. Oh maybe just 1, i don't like to have big cars, because big cars mean more money to me. I want a car which i'm confident enough with the loans.

Eversince i start to share the family expenses, i realized how easily money can be spent. I'll try every way i can to minimize spending. Thank god i have spare money when my corolla car needed serious repair last time. Hmm.. i'll buy based on primary needs, not secondary needs..

Swait Zin, if you're reading this, i have one question for you: WHERE is our photos taken at Capers last time??

*blank*

I had my facial this evening. It was painful. I did facial mask for two consecutive nights just before today and still, that didn't help. My beautician said i should've done that more regularly. It's either very good quality mask once in a while or over-the-counter masks but few times a week. The best is use it daily but.. what about my money?? >_<

Yeah, i have learnt that nothing comes free. Be it skin, health, weight, money, study, work, etc.. you want it, work hard for it.

I'm trying to cut down on my food intake. Been eating lots lately and of course, gained a few kg. I want to feel fit again. I started on this monday.. or last sunday to be exact. So far so good. Keep it up! Ganbate kudasai!

Thanks mimi and mama for your comments to my last post *hugs*

I notice i'm quite interested at those nutrition-related vacancies. Maybe because i love food and i have personal experiences with weight issues.

Recently i'm quiet, because i'm thinking. A lot of things going on in my mind. Will i age pre-maturely??
I'm thinking of learning accounting. One day i might open a shop or start a small business. I think accounting is important. I always have this dream of opening my own cafe or small eatery. The food and drinks i sell will be healthy and delicious, if possible, organic produce. And most of it will be homemade types of dieshes. I'll have nutritious soup and healthy dessert every day. Perhaps all the produce will be own-grown. Wow!

I want to be nice to quite a few people because they deserve to be loved. I hope the day will come soon when i can do what i've always wanted to do. Yes, it will come. I just need to be patient and be alert with any chance coming my way. I hope i'll remember this thought by the time i have the ability and i pray that all those people will be still around too.

gong xi fa chai, byebye

Chinese new year is over now. This year i wasn't active in house-hopping. I was too preoccupied with finding time to rest. I've been feeling exhausting recently. Sometimes i wonder why am i tired, because most of the time, it's not for my own matters.
I've always dreaded driving and now i have to drive 6 days a week to brunei muara district. 5 days for work and on friday, i end up being the one who send my niece to her music school. I always notice at the music school that most of the kids go there with their grandparents, uncles/aunties or maids. Very seldom a kid will be seen there with his/her parents.
I always wonder who is the one who wish the kid to take up music classes. Parents? Kids themselves? In most cases i've come across, it's the parents. If i don't send my kids there, they'll be left behind other kids. That's the thought of many parents. Would i end up thinking that way too next time?? At my stage now, i'd wonder why should a parent compare his/her kids with other kids.

I've decided to put my plan for master degree to a halt. I've been struggling for months to decide whether to continue study or get a job. It's really stressful for me. People around me think i should continue. WHy not, since i'm eligible? I've been thinking about my mom's wish too, whether she wishes to have a child of her studying oversea.
I'm very glad that i managed to go to the education fair at The Empire with mimi and ana. I've had enough of dealing with it alone. No one to discuss with, no one to go with whenever i attended any education fair or career talks. Also no one to guide me with the procedures and getting the forms. There are times i'd get pissed off, thinking no one is being helpful. Why aren't those people who encourage me to go abroad help me with the process? Sometimes i hate getting the answer 'up to you'. It's been years and years that i wish someone elderly could give me instructions, or at least a suggestion for next step.

In the end, i decided not to continue studying and i feel at ease immediately. I thought of lots of problems if i go oversea. Like, who will take over my responsibility at home? Who will help my mom with the family expenses? Who will look after fook's study? Who will help my mom with the kids when my sis is busy? A lot of who will this and that..
Honestly speaking, those are not problems. They're just excuses. A master degree has never appeared in my future plan, until i started to realize it's not easy to get a job now, until everyone start telling me with the result i have, i should go for it.But actually, i have never liked the idea of depending on scholarship. I don't like to be bonded at this stage. I know it's a great sum of money to study oversea and i probably would never be able to do that without the help from the government. BUt i just don't like it.

Now, after making the decision, my mind finally can calm down and a lot of things become obvious. People like me, if i want, i would never have hesitated for so long. It's hard to get employed but since i've started on it, i'm not going to give up until i get one. I believe there are chances out there and it depends on whether i manage to grab it or not.
So, i'm not going to send in the scholarship form, not going to ask for extension of my contract. I want to leave myself with no other options. So that i can start getting serious about job application and job interviews.

i want..

i want to be more patient,
i want to be more considerate,
i want to be more understanding,
i want to be more helpful,
i want to love myself more, in a way that i don't have to feel guilty to feel happy...

A lucky day

I'm tempted to continue watching Sex and the city season 1 but today is miraculously smooth for me. so i guess i should make a note about it. Next time when i'm not feeling so well, this post can probably cheer me up.

The first thing that made my day is the mornign sun. Finally the sun showed up this morning, after i had been missing it for a couple of days. I remember yesterday when i was driving home, the question of when will the sky stop crying keep popping up in my mind. Then this morning, it was sunny. I can't stop smiling when the sunshine touched my face.

Secondly, i arrived at work earlier than normal and it so happened that my boss came early too today to tell me what he had just discovered about our data. If nothing goes wrong, i'd have my first published paper some time this year ^_^ yeah i know i'm not the author but just a research assistant. Still, it's goin to be the first journal article with my name on the author list. Let's put our hands together for Jocy~~


Thirdly, my lunch and dinner were free. Nining paid for my lunch and meimei paid for my dinner. Thanks to both of them. I enjoyed the time spent with them (not because they paid for my meal). But i feel a bit guilty for nining lah because i wasn't so eager about meeting up after a few last minute cancellation from her. Am i too petty or inconsiderate?


I can be so fake at times. I was angry and disappointed and yet i told people it's ok, it's not your fault or you didn't want that to happen too.
I can be bad too as in, i criticized the boyfriend in front of the girlfriend.. is that bad or i'm just blunt? hm..


Oh yeah! Another highlight of my day. Just look at these pictures.. who, especially girls, can resist a big grin when looking at her own 'trophies'??
Awwww.. so lovely~























The last picture is my new phone chain. I'm so in love with it!
Hehe.. don't get me wrong. I'm not that into shoes. I think my latest target is skincare. Yeah, i have given up on buying shoes after searching through few shops or department store and still couldn't see any pair that match with my eyes. Then suddenly, i bought 2 new pairs within a week.
I've been putting my eyes on that pair of white heels when i entered that boutique some time last year. So when i saw it again this afternoon, and still with strong desire to buy it, i just gave myself a go. But i'm sure that is going to be the last pair of shoes i buy for this coming chinese new year.. yeah. should be..

Hmm.. i think that's all for the highlights of my day. I feel so much blessed today. Almost too good to be true. Hope every day of the year won't be too awful for me or i'll sure miss today a lot. But i bet i'll forget about today in no time, because good things are easily forgotten :p

Mimi is right, we are blessed to be living in brunei. I want to add one more point. We are indeed blessed to live in this part of brunei. Like i said before, i love my town. It's not far from the capital, not far from KB. I can reach the capital within an hour if i want to do shopping or experience city atmosphere. After that, i can just come back to my own place where it is quiet and safe from flooding and soil erosion/landslide.


I miss my dear. Thank god it's thursday already so i don't have to wait for too long before he comes back. Hmm.. another blessing, i suppose.
Actually, for me, being able to live is a blessing already. I won't live like there's no tomorro. That will be too tiring. But i agree for certain things, i should work for it like there's no more next time.

Isn't it amazing? I believe till now, all the old ladies, including me, have changed in our ways of thinking in one way or another. Sometimes our opinions can really vary a lot. But we'll always have the patience to read each other's blog, line by line.

The other day, i did a quiz in facebook and the result said that i am a cheater. Honestly, i am amused by the result. Hehe.. it's nice to play the bad guy once in a while. But what or who have i cheated??
Another day, i went to Express for takeaway. I pity the counter lady. She seemed blur and inexperienced. My order went like, 'i want to order a dinner box and can i have 1 wing, 2 drumstick and 2 thighs?' She was confused and i began to question myself am i too fussy..
Before i realised, i've been ordering food this way whenever i go to restaurant now. If i go to KFC, i'll request for 1 drumstick and 1 thigh. If i order hot drinks, i'll request for less sugar. There was even a time when i'd request for no black sauce for fried kueh tiaw and no ginger for porridge. Ok, i better stop here because i really think i'm fussy now.

First post of 2009

Since it's my first post of the year 2009, i think i should put up something i like.. such as the two below. I like old-styled things and i hope i won't pick up antique collection as past time next time (too costly).








Me, junho and eshyn during one of our evening walks













Windows on one of the shophouses in BSB





On the last day of work, a colleague brought up the question of hightlights of 2008. Hmm...
My highlights will be my convo, KK trip in Chinese New Year, received my first salary, appreciation speech during appreciation lunch, gave my mom pocket money for the first time, found a nice yoga studio, erm.. also learnt a lot of new lessons, death of my ma kim and many more.
I am so glad that i can come up with lots of highlights because that means i am 'alive' haha

But recently, i have been quite emotional. Very likely, it's due to my sister's mother-in-law falling sick. It once again reminded me how fragile life is and the horror of aging. Eventually, i get over that stage and i'm now trying to look at things with an open heart.

Something to share..
One night, when i could feel that the tension inside me was reaching the top of my head, i tried sitting down in half-lotus and practised Ujjayi breathing. To my surprise, it worked. I felt a lot calmer and my heart felt lighter too after that.
I miss my yoga class.. but i'm having period now so have to rest.

Another colleague also asked me for my new year's resolution. Hm.. no idea about that. Because i almost always set a list of new year's resolution and forget about it the next minute haha.
But i do plan to spend more time with my grandparents from now on. They are getting old now.

Last week i finally got to watch 'Twilight'. I think the hero in the movie (Edward Cullen) is better to look at than the movie. I don't like the way of shooting, it makes me dizzy. But i like the character of Edward. In movies or novels, a boyfriend like that is soooo perfect.He's there whenever you need him or in danger. The best part, he can bring you hopping around tree tops. That is even more cool than canopy walk. He is strong, sweet and not-bad -looking.
But in real life, if a vampire falls in love with me, the first thing i'll do is probably run! It's kind of suffocating for me, a boyfriend sticking to me all the time and watch me asleep throughout the night. Oh my god!
I still prefer my own dear

Oh yeah! i forgot!
Happy New Year to everyone! Let's hope this year will be peaceful and everyone will be healthy and fit.