sleepy 'cause of bio notes

i'm so sleepy..half of the day has passed and i have 6 more lectures to revise...too wordy eh..makes me want to sleep..so i'll take a break first...

mimi posted a comment for me!! erm..mimi only does that once in a while..so it's kind like..precious to me eh...
don't know why...whatever compliment given by mimi and lizzy sounds extremely convincing to me...

mom has gone miri...later have to pick fook up from link net..
if not because of the test..i'll probably shopping at the new Hua Ho or The Mall now..and i really think next friday i would stay at home too..doing essay for dr marshall..
i think..i like dr kam..for her personality..but i don't like her teaching..she makes everything difficult...i realised that during dr charles's lecture yesterday...i have to hurry with copying in both their lectures..but somehow..i remember what dr charles said...but blank about dr kam's lecture...i think..if not because of the copying..i'll probably get very sleepy during dr kam's lecture...just like the environmental policy lecture too...
hmm...are lectures supposed to make people drowsy??
sometimes i feel like crying when i think of all the works we have to do...but luckily i'm not the type who'll cry and run away from it...it's good for me to stay aware of the amount of works..so i won't procrastinate too much..hehe..that 'procrastinate' sounds so much 'swait zin'..he always uses that word...

he never listens to people eh...i feel so fed-up to convince him that i'm not depressed...plus..even if i'm sad..that's normal jua..i'll be worried if i feel happy now..with what's going on in my love life...but so far..i'm ok...the study keeps my mind busy enough..and..i get to know new friends..through tek ying...and eshyn is having cold now...and with the brunei grand sale going on..my mind will be occupied for quite a while eh...

yea..October is coming...so..new magazines are on their way to me...hehe ;)

on day like this..when i need to do heavy revision..i'll reward myself with something delicious..i'm having rosaidah..oppsss...roasted duck in my mind :p
craving for avocado shake also...

lizzy hope you're fine..i'm not cursing you ah..but it's true ah people get sick these days...my niece..even vassco got sick oh...
i saw his 'her' yesterday...at taman rakis...is that the right name for the place in front of CLT? whatever...she was playing guitar with her friends...hmm...for me..she's like a princess playing guitar lah...used to regard her as someone very feminine..and i potrait guitar as something for guys...hmm...biased view of mine...

just before dinner..

we didn't know that there wasn't going to have any english class this afternoon..were waiting till nisa replied mai...but nevermind..at least our group's data have been put into table..so don't have to worry about that...
the test is coming...and it's from Dr Kam...so..the questions and the lecturer makes the test double difficult for me..she's strict in marking..and unpredictable in giving questions...
i admire her..but i don't want to be like her next time...because her life is too busy for me...
the notes are all ready..but my mind is not ready..don't feel like revising eh...i finished revising for my japanese listening test just now in school though...but i think i need to revise once again to make sure of the spellings...some of my friends already started memorize the hiragana..me not yet...:( lazy me..

out of the blue..i become very determined in pampering myself..like...i told myself..from now on..i want to have proper sleep, proper diet, adequate exercise and rest...want to pampering myself from head to toes, outside to inside....to achieve that..i need to first make sure i get enough sleep..i didn't realized i've been sleeping late recently until jason pointed it out last night...sleeping late but still most of my assignments are undone...:p
adeline and sharon bring their lunch every day..and i look forward to do the same too...that way..i can control how much i eat and what i eat...good for my body and weight...hehe...
i'm disappointed with the canteen today...

i come across interesting info about study in haslina's blog...it's a talk about how to study..
first..sleep is important..as your brain works as much as you're awake...then day dreaming is encouraged..for your creativity and inspiration sake..then..erm..what else ah..oh yeah..study before a cold shower will stimulate more synapses and therefore lengthen the period of memory for what you've been studied...hm..what else..there's one more thing..but i forgot..
recently i keep seeing articles talking about importance of sleep...but i remember the most how deprivation of sleep leads to weight gain...

need to buy new body lotion and shampoo..also my facial cleanser...but i'm so lazy to go shopping these days...thought of the study makes me lost the mood of shopping...hmm..actually i'm waiting for my allowance too...

ok..dinner time...

better :)

a testi in uncle's friendster from ROwen..his gf right?

Definitely adorable, no gals can hardly refrain from being attracted to this mystifying miracle Mr. Wonderful. He is definitely cute in all sense, nice to befriend and gentle to gals. Straight A++ rating...

i was like..har?? is she talking about the same person i know?? straight A++..wow..she definitely needs specs..or maybe uncle has cast a spell on her or something?? mystifying miracle Mr Wonderful...

haha..i'm so mean..

i got lots of work to do...although compare to others, it's like a mournhill and others one is like a mountain...still a lot for me lah...feel so lazy to work when i'm at home..i knew that i should've stayed in the Library and do my work...but..just now was stuck with chit-chatting with tek ying..we're talking for an hour plus oh....get to know more of her friends now...most of them very nice and funny....feel like..it's easier for me to know someone from KB than from bandar...maybe because tek ying is from KB..but even for my cooking club team..it's with KB girls also...

i don't think the word 'abnormal' suits me bah...'unique' or 'special' suit better..or maybe..one in a million..hehe..

i bought quite a lot of discs these days...vcd..dvd..cd..i tend to buy those not so popular singers' album..like Celest Zhang...Landy...because i like their voices and..seldom hear their song play on tv or radio..so less likely to get bored of the songs lah...also not easy to download too..then i like to watch Nicole Kidman..she's posh...she's not very beautiful to me..but i like to see her...
i change my mind..don't think i want to buy sweety album lor...already got the song i wanted..hehe..

tomorrow..hope i'm able to finish my work according to my plan....haven't started with my revision for the test on saturday...time is short leh..

last day of mid sem break

josh reformatted my pc for me..everything's new in my oc now..and he refused to charge me for any price..so i brought him out for lunch...
but because of my carelessness..i lost the document i spent 2 nights doing...nevermind..i've finished re-doing it..

eshyn was here for ..almost whole day...ta jie bought us pudding...i've got new songs..new downloading programme that works more efficient than kazaa...

i'm supposed to feel happy...or look forward for the next half term for this sem...but i'm not..i miss him...i really miss him...why can't people stop asking me about him...as many as 2 means a lot to me...i can't stop my tears when i think of..from now on...i have to find companion for things i want to do like watching movie..dinner out..lunch out...no one will share ice cream with me...no one will finish the food for me if i can't finish them...no one is there for me to present myself when i dress up nicely...no one to spend the sunday with me...no one to look forward to when i do whatever things...
i can't stopped thinking what will happen if i didn't turn down directly that night...will we be back together and feel happy...will he still fall sick today..will i still have someone to share both my ups and downs...
although i know..i've been telling him and my self too how good our life is now...we love and loved by who we love...but we're not commited to anyone...anything..i know too after tonight i'll be ok..i expected myself to be busy from tomorrow onwards...with all the assignments i left behind this week..and tests coming up...and this time..i'll concentrate fully on study(i hope)...but what will happen after i call it a day and lie down on my bed..before i fall asleep?
i just..fail to convince myself how better my life is gonna be....for tonight..

tonight i don't need reasoning..i don't need assurance...don't need sit-ups..don't need leg lifting..
all i need..is remove the plaster and let my wound breathe...
tomorrow when i wake up..i'll be fine..i have to be fine...life still go on...and i believe i'll get my optimism back...
sometimes i really think we're not over yet...we're just back to the phase where we're not yet couple but little bit more than friends..just like the way we used to be before we became couple..but this time..will we take a step forward and become couple again..or will we take a step backward? i don't know...go with the flow..he always says...i really hope if we're to take the forward step...let it come when everything is on our side...

haih...
ok..i'll brush my teeth..exfoliate my face..and busy myself with a novel before i go to sleep...

weekend before break over

went to siau's place for bbq..when they asked me about jason..i replied in a way that we're still together...if it was only me and chiu..probably i'll tell..but it's between me and a few other people...made me can't say it out that we're not longer couple...i was telling it to swait zin the other day..and he proved to me that what i think is right...generally..when i tell people that we've broken up...they'll ask when..after when..why...after why...how do i feel about it...and follow with a lot of comfortings...maybe that works for others but definitely not for me...i don;t mind to answer them the when question..but the rest...i feel unnecessary...it's between me and him..why do i have to explain to others why we chose to break up...as for the comforts..i appreciate that..but really..that's not what i want...ungrateful girl, aint i? if i want comfort..i'll look for it...but when i don't want it..you'll only make me stay away from you if you give..

when i compare the me before and the current me...i know i've changed a lot...not so friendly..not so outgoing...not so attention seeking (good change)...not so quiet...i simply enjoy being the catalyst rather than the reactants...

just now at express..i felt a bit rude lah..for not joining the topic...when they all were talking about the 2 italian guys...i feel..erm..not my topic...for me they all look the same..no one is more handsome than the others...and i don't find any of the westerner suit my definition of handsome...am i too picky or i just don't know how to judge?? for me..handsome refers to someone like Wilbert Pan..Daniel Wu...Lee 911...erm..even justin isn't handsome to me...he's just..having that something that capture my eyes..
and i got nothing to say about the sultan's recent marriage and other gossip about the royal family....because i don't follow those news...not interested to know lor...feel like..that's the family matter of theirs...but i'm not saying it's wrong lor what they all did...i think i'm the weirdo..because most places i go..people talk about it..

erm..till here lah..i'm supposed to sleep early..my sis went to miri with her hubby..leaving eshyn to us...then tomrrow my mom will send my uncle from labuan to custom early in the morning..so i have to be the babysitter...and i think eshyn wakes up quite early....i got sit-ups to do also...then also..hehe..my magazine to read..can't wait to flip through it...

oh my gosh..grand sale has begun...just when i plan to save for a cd player or MP3...suddenly i'm so keen in music..wish to be surrounded by songs i like all the time...
a study show singing helps to release stress...even singing in the shower helps..

my kimchi...a bit too spicy..and not sour enough...but i don't plan to re-make another one though...good or bad..i'll still try to finish it...can't wait to try kimchi magie curry mee...and real kimchi with kimchi ramen..also kimchi fried rice...yum yum...
hm..one thing good today is...thanks to jason...i begin to have confidence on my weight...he's right..i wish to hear people say i'm still looking fine but i tried to get negative answer from people all the time...i should work more on my mind than my body...most of the time..that's the case..

spoiled..

supposed to have a nice time tonight with my family...but everything's canceled last minute..just after i finished dressing up..because my mom was still in limbang..and she actually went to the mooncake festival celebration at chung hwa school..makes me soo disappointed...after planning for a few nights..she just changed her mind like that...i feel like she doesn't appreciate what we're doing for her..
sometimes i feel like she's not longer my mother...i'm fed-up with answering questions like where is your mom..where does she go...from my father, my sister, my brother..
why am i the one supposed to answer...i'm not her nanny...
and yup..sometimes i really get unhappy with her..because she doesn't cook for us..leave the house to me to take care...i really dislike it when my aunties from kb and bandar start refering fook as my kid...i feel..tied down...yet i still have to do things i hate...
am i being demanding on my mom??
when i was young..i really envied those friends whose mom care about almost everything about them..from study to friends..since primary 1 i packed my own school bag...i took care of my own study...made my own decision regarding study and friends...
haih...ok..i know i'm just being fussy..she's the best mom one can ever ask for..but i'm just not in the mood tonight to appreciate her...i'll be fine tomorrow when i wake up..

so..instead of eating out..i stuffed myself with fried rice and keropok..and papaya...and made myself guilty..so i drank slimming tea..despite i first thought i should skip one day since i just had 5 times of diarrhea today...with the way i ate just now..tonight i can't skip my sit-ups i bet..

yea..i really don;t understand..or maybe i'm just outdated...i admire bad guys at times..but know for sure i can't fall for them....because i know i get insecure very easily..and last time i started to have feeling with him was also because he's very nice to me...listening to me all the time and please me when i'm down...hmm..am i too easy-to-get?? haha
ok..i correct my sentence..josh and sherman are guys who i'll recommend girls to go after..if they want serious relationship...
jason also nice..but at the moment..i don't want any girls to go after him...feel annoyed and jealous even at the thought of it..

i have a new strategy for losing the extra weight...i'll sleep more and drink more water...so..other than eat less move more..i'll also try to improve my sleep and take in more water...suit my personality eh...always try to find the easy way out...but the sleeping and drinking one..it's scientifically proven oh to be effective in weight control..
i bought quite a lot of junk food yesterday when i went to shop...i can never resist the temptation to buy instant noodles and junk food..
i realized i'm very self-conscious about my look during holiday..maybe because i've got nothing to think about..i haven't bought nu you this month...i've stopped buying Female..so i must buy nu you...the reason i choose Nu you over Female is because Nu You is in chinese and my mom and aunt can read it...plus..i think Nu You is less expensive...those magazines i bought..for me they're like reader digest..the info inside seldom go outdated...

tomorrow going to see Ms Tan...she's in my list of people who i can never forget...if one day i end up teaching..she'll be my role model...she's close with her students but never make the student stop respecting her as a teacher..just like Mrs Chong and Mrs Beng...
hmm..or maybe it's more to do with us the students....we're just simply better than our juniors...:p

towards the end of the break

exactly half of the break has gone..and i've only completed 1 out of 6 assignments i plan to finish during the break...maybe i'm lazy..or maybe the due dates are all long after the break finish..the nearest dateline is next saturday..and lizzy bah..lend me that book..big girls don't cry...i started it last night and it becomes the only thing i want to do plang..have fun reading it...plus..reading burns calories too right?

yeah i'm trying to lose some weight...erm..to be more specific..just want to lose one or two inches from my waist and arms..feel like i look big these days..although people around me keep disagreeing when i make that remark...if they want to convince me..they should try to work on my mind..not my body..

this afternoon i tried a few quizzes...one of the quizzes said i can tolerate with what others find intolerable...and then another one said i'm confident in myself so i won't get cheated easily..
last time a quiz said my worst shortcoming is nosy...so it occured to me that maybe i shouldn't be so interested to know about people's life story...although i don't do that for the sake of gossip..

i only realized it when i reached home yesterday that i forgot to give josh the nougat i wanted to give him..pun sia sia..
and i don't find myself guilty at all when bitching about uncle..

me and him..special in a way...like i told him last night..before we became couple, during the time we're in our relationship and till now we're not longer together, we are always there for each other..to cheer each other up...and i feel really good after chatting with him every night...although occasionally i'll think of our relationship and cry...i'll miss his company..especially weekend is approaching...
don't worry, if you are...i'm fine...i'm now in the process of adapting myself to single life...and from the look of it..things are going smoothly....perhaps i still rely on him a lot..but why can't i??
i hate to think he's not longer mine...sometimes i'll get overwhelmed by guilt..because feel like i'm making use of him...but everything takes time...i've already done the best i could...
my family still haven't found out...they don't ask..and i don't tell..although it's my personal problem..i still think i should acknowledge them...wait till i find an appropriate chance...and i'm sure i won't be affected by their questions..if they have any..

:)

today went out with lizzy..had a nice time talking with her and josh during lunch time...josh is just like any adults...he never allow us to pay the bill..with the reason we're still students..
he and sherman are the 2 guys i'll recommend girls to go after....they're really nice people...

thanks lizzy for the book oh..and also for lending me your ears..hehe..

sometimes i think i'm recovering extremely fast...but sometimes i feel like i'm just pretending to be fine...feel like i try too hard to reason with myself that i should cheer up...i can think of a lot of reasons why i shouldn't be too sad and get depress..but i'm repeating them too many times..as if i'm not stating them..i am actually convincing myself..i talk a lot when surrounding by people..talk a lot when i'm chatting with him..but it all feels so empty when i'm alone...
i know...i just need time to get used to single life..a life with no love as my life focus...a life which everything is on my own...
and yup..we still chat every day...because i don't see why we should stop contacting..we still love each other...just feel pressurized being couple...maybe..this is a way for him to like me for a longer time...in fact..i feel very relax now when chatting with him..but again..i'm scared that subconsciously i'll take advantage of him..because he's being super nice to me...
strictly speaking..we're not over yet..we just transform our relationship...
thinking about it..lizzy..i think i'm old-fashioned...i don't allow myself to take second glance at other guys when i'm in a relationship..just feel not right to do so..so never have that intention..hehe

mom's birthday coming soon..the ordinary calender one..we're bringing her to i-lotus for dinner..and maybe coffee bean after that...
my mom is sometimes more outgoing than me eh..for me..i'll avoid going to areas like coffee zone on weekend nights..feel like..will be a lot of people..so go next time lah..but for my mom..those are the areas we should go on saturday night..

today i bought 2 more cds..i just bought 3 on monday oh...and i'm still looking for some..
i'm very determined now to save hard..erm..maybe i should say save smart..so i can buy a cd player or something like that which can allow me to listen songs while sleeping..then also wish to go for vacation eh..

mouth is really the best weapon we have...with our mouth..we create a lot of things...i read an interview of fan wei qi...i think she's pretty..and the latest videoclip of her with angela chang...i like that a lot..because feel very comfortable watching it..they sing in a way like they're very enjoying the singing..and they look so natural...but most feedback on that video clip by reporters are the song reflects homosexual relationship...i was like..huh???

nice day

spent about 2 hours at KACA just now..sorry lizzy..i should've asked you earlier..then you could have gone with us...
but..the trip was not as nice as i expected..first..the bus didn't come on time..and in the end..most of us drove there..including me...then..not many kids..only 20..some are so cute and funny...angelic kids...i saw some of their colourings on the wall...i have to admit that even me can't colour that nice eh...a few of them really nice oh...
also..there were too many of us..so nothung much to do..felt like..just did tiny bits of work..and we started to eat liau...i expect hard works..that will make me sweat and pant eh...in the end..i wasn't cleaning under the sun and..not much sweating..but more on mosquito bites lah...
antonia was there...bad me..i can't stop teasing him when he's around...especially when he dropped his paper into the swimming pool..i hope i didn't get him offended..

and lizzy..don't worry i'm fine...really...because i hardly see anyone like me..can still joke and join ECA on the second day of breaking up with bf...next time..if your mom or sis ask you again..you can really speak the truth lor..we're not longer together...
just..we both think..it's time to stop..since the relationship has become a burden to both of us..
don't comfort me...please..don't say anything caring or sweet to me..that's too much for me now..
i'm ok on my own..i can do anything calmly...i don't lose any appetite..i still know i need to do my assignments..i still give tuition like normal..everything's just like the way it is at normal time..the only thing that changed is..i'm not longer attached to anyone...
none of my family kow about this..because..i'll be shaking with tears if i see or hear or feel anything caring at the moment..i don't know am i healthy this way...i just try to avoid things that will remind me of him...even when i do think about him..i try to focus my mind on the reason why we broke up...try to look on the bright side...i cried..but not much...because puffy eyes and red nose will give too much away..
me and him..still friends now..we still chat..still keep in touch..we still love each other...but..we're just too young to stay together..we have much more things to look forward to besides love...and it's a grest pressure when his parents are so 'anti us'...
really..i don't find myself pity...because it's just a way we compromise..with each other..with the odd situation against us..of course i'm sad..after all..it's been 3 years...but when i think of..being friends..we don't have to worry or scared being seen by people when we're out...we don't have to feel guilty or pressurized with his parents...we can now do a lot of things which only single people can..we both can concentrate more on our study..which is supposed to be the top priority for us now...
i actually feel lucky..because when we broke up..my bf still love me...we don't quarrel..so it's not an impulsive decision..and i believe i'll remain as a good gf to him...

hiya lizzy...we'll back you up one lah..but..don't know..maybe i haven't got used to the you now..the you before...you give me a feeling that you don't need anyone's help lah..you'll achieve whatever you want by yourself...you know..i used to be the one who always need your help and protection...there was a long time..maybe till now..sometimes i still look at you as a heroine...
hehe honestly..sometimes i still feel surprise at the things you say and do...and don't worry about the not being nice...my life is busy too ah..so i don't have time too to remember that..plus..most of the time..i'm lagging one mah...i get the message slower than anyone..so i didn't really get the unfriendly message from you..in fact..i've been thinking all this while that i'm the one avoiding you oh..

let's find a time to go out this break..me you and mimi..i'll sms you guys lah..let me arrange everything for once this time...

mooncake festival..my mom's birthday..and...

today's the mooncake festival..i didn't eat any real mooncake..just the jelly that look like mooncake...nice...but bit too sweet for me..then i also had tiramisu cake..my mom's birthday cake from my sis...also cheesecake..bought by ping..the cheese tasted a bit of durian..so i called it durian cheesecake..quite big a piece with only $15...yeah..my dessert is full of ckes tonight...

today i consider it as the first day of mid semester break..so many things to do during the break..i know it's going to be either busy or empty before the break started...hope i can be busy lor..or else i'll be super busy after the break..lots of assignments to do...i don't even know which one to start..but i guess i'm sure going to finish the japanese assignment...so far, that is the only one that interests me..the rest...haih...
tomorrow going for the community service activity at KACA..then tuesday evening i'm going to bandar to meet my relatives from KK..they'll only be here for few hours...transit their flight from Perth to KK..so nice..one whole family go for vacation...i can't even remember when was the last time my whole family go abroad together..

today..also a big day in my life..something happen..and i'm not ready to talk about it yet...but people who read this blog will find out soon kua...because i know i'll say it here one day..when i think it's comfortable for me to mention...before that...don't know...but i know i can cope with it..unless i want to become depression patient..nah..not my type of personality..

how's FOS night lizzy...you going to KACA tomorrow too??

ok..till here...not suppose to blog with this mood..

*blank*

i think i'm the type who pressurized myself very often..for almost everything, i make a standard for myself to achieve...like..i want to maintain my result as grade B in every semester...when i go to school..except for the material and types of clothing..i mustn't go against the dress code too far...as a student, i mustn't fall asleep in class..mustn't talk when the lecturer is teaching..when out with my malay friends, must make sure i don't wear too exposing...as a daughter, i mustn't do things my mom doesn't like..so many more..
life is fair...because i'm cheerful enough to stay happy and carefree...i nnormally won't spend my time worrying...if i break the rule..just go with the flow lah...
like now..i'm moving with the flow...i don't force myself to get B...if i happen to get something below that grade..work harder next time...i can't wear the types of clothing i like to school..reserve them when i'm out with dear..showing it to dear feels a lot better than showing it to the lecturers ah...

lizzy..thanks oh..thanks for..comforting me back..hehe..i didn't realise oh...when i typed all those..i was just trying to avoid misunderstanding like..you thought i'm jealous..or sad...
although sometimes i do feel a bit lonely when in uni...like..no companion for lunch...but that's ok ah..because that's more to do with the schedule...plus..now i'm getting used to it...instead of mourning for it..i have quick lunch then go to my next classroom and wait..or lunch with dear...or even do my work in the library...i can really do a lot when i'm alone...feel like finally i have all the time to myself...just me, myself and i..hehe...don't have to think about other people...just concentrate on my own work...seems like i can only get that feeling when in school..or at midnight at home..when everyone's asleep...

vassco..i think i know who you're talking about...thanks oh...you're like my blog's security eh..hehe...steady eh..even know the gender of the people...you said programming is easy...that's like i tell you biological experiment is a piece of cake lah :p

we've decided to make kimchi next cooking activity...the supplier of the recipe..me! hehe...can't wait for it...

a bit speechless lah..all the ECA i'm interested to join..are having their activities on the same day of the week..and similar time...kacau...nevermind..i'll just join the BJFA next sem...as for the music..wait till they start with keyboard first lah..

getting 10.30..and i'm not ready for tomorrow's tutorial..gosh! i only finish half of the questions...have to do more later before i go to bed..

honestly..if buying the invertebrate zoology is the only way to get that book..i'll consider buying oh...because since i'm in biological science...getting a good textbook is worthed the price lor...like campbell...it's still useful for me..till now...organic chemistry too..so no regrets...plus..i think i'll need the books again..since i'm still not sure which field i'll choose for my project next time..it's good to have a good book to refer and as reminder when i go to fourth year or working next time i guess..
too bad just now i left uni late..so can't make it to return the book to sawa tomorrow...feel sorry eh...although she said she doesn;t think she'll need the book for her revision for the test on saturday..i still insist to return her the book tomorrow..just in case she decides to use the book at last minute...maybe i'll just send the book to her place tomorrow afternoon..after i got the book back from the shop...
sir teck was there when i sent it just now...he's a good brother..but definitely not the type of friend i'll like to have...still will get goosebump eh when i think of what he did before..
tomorrow afternoon..i'll go to bk udal...spend some time there..in the end..i still have to start my revision last minute eh...sat pai eh me..

proud me...

just had practical..for the first time oh i'm praised for my dissection...those dissections i did during biomed were all in a mess..if i'm not mistaken...i failed my rat dissection eh...
that's the past..and proved one thing....you can do great job if you put effort into it...i stayed at the lab till 6.45..because catty (spelling?) would be alone if i leave...i finished at around 6..but i didn't feel safe if leave her alone in the lab..so i stayed with her until her twin sister turned up.. then on my way home...the sky was soo~ nice..it was blue..then lighter blue as it go higher...and finally the blue got darker and darker towards the direction to muara...so nice...then the stars..i didn't feel lonely or scared at all just now to drive home alone as the sky got dark...feel like..the stars were accompanying me oh...hehe..

i was very exhausted in the morning..but now feel a lot better...
felt a bit disappointed though when someone didn't wait for me just now at the end of practical...normally i wait for her..and i make sure i inform her immediately when i know there's changes in our schedule or what...but she never do the same...what i do for her..i expect her to do the same for me...and sometimes i feel annoyed when she requested confirmation from others about the things i've just told her a few mins ago...right in front of me...
but again...i must've done things which annoyed her too...so same same lah...if my mood is good..no problem at all...the frustration only comes in when i don't feel alright...

hehe..tell you one thing oh vassco..i read a lot of chinese novel..but i never remember the author's name...because normally i just read the summary at the back..then will start reading...who's the author i never bother...but for blog..of course i won't pay much attention lah if i don't know the owner....unless there's special reason..

lizzy...sometimes i feel like talking to you oh..but..will feel scared lah...not sure what am i scared for...maybe trying to avoid similar thing like last time happen again..and i'm very aware of what i say and do will make you think..looking at you and nisa is like..seeing the me and you before..sweet memories~
i feel glad for you ah...can find someone so click...i swear..i really didn't add 'vinegar' into whatever i said oh...because it feel so nice to see you're having fun in your life now...
i know my way is unhealthy lah...i tend to feel myself inferior to you guys...but i really admire the way nisa and mai do their work..like..they always know so many things oh...but normally people just rush with their work to meet the due date..without bothering much about the quality...

really don't worry oh..i'm feeling ok ah..just..don't feel like keeping this kind of things inside till i can't talk to you at all...feel a lot better after saying it out..
these days..i just can't stop feeling that i'm so lucky and fortumate...:)

some people actually thought i'm first year student oh..i must be looking young :p hahaa

sweet sweet sup tulang

one of the dishes for my dinner last night was sup tulang..it's cooked by my grandpa and brought back by my sis...my grandpa specified that it's for me...mm~ so sweet and touched..
i love my grandpa..he's a cute grandpa...although he never talk much..i like talking with him..what other people like my grandma and aunts used to scold him for, i find all those cute..like..something unique of my granpa...but i also feel guilty oh...eversince what happened between my parents, i feel reluctant and pressurized to go to bk udal..haih..i'm the type who forgive but not forget...

my mom went bandar lor..so i have to do her work..sometimes i wonder..how can they expect me to help when they themselves are unwilling to do the same thing?
one of the articles in CLEO last month mentioned that keeping anger inside for long will lead to a lot of health problems, like ulcers...is that my case??
probably i need vitamin B...

last night planned to sleep early..but end up sleeping late...12 plus i think..slept till 10 today..so tired...but glad that i managed to finish my practical reports...still got one more to go..that is the plant one...oh yeah...got an essay to write for environmental policy...hopefully i can finish 2 essays during the break..

oh yeah one thing worthed mentioning..my dear is sooo sweet...i told him on thursday i had the craving for dim sum..yesterday he tapau a lot oh for me during my lunch break...even drove me to CLT so i won't be late for the jap class..hehe..he's soo sweet..i'll make sure i make more request like that next time :p

this week my budget went low..because i spent too much on tuesday..when out with old ladies..but i had fun lah..so nevermind..
later i'm going out..need to buy new body shampoo...i'm thinking to buy johnson baby..after so many types i've tried..i still prefer the smell of that milk bath...and after my nivea and st.ives lotion finish..planning to try the bedtime lotion of johnson baby also...i also want to try using olive oil for skin after shower..wonder does that work..like what the magazine said..

time flies~

didn't realized the last time i update my post it was 5 days ago...the earth is rotating faster every day???

don't know what to post actually..but after reading people's blog...i feel like posting too..ikut ikut..
vassco, i like your blog..because you update it very often...hehe..and the music is nice..one of my favourite song...normally, people go for andy lau..but i still prefer jacky cheung...andy lau a bit too unreal..and showy for me..while jacky cheung..feels more real..like..he has his career..he reached to the top..and now he's becoming subtle..married and have kid...although he's less popular now, his life looks more complete..and blissful too...his wife is pretty eh...

finally i find the solution to publish things from frontpage to tripod..was struggling a lot yesterday..till night time..until i get frustrated with myself...i know i'm never good at computer programmes..but knowing it and feeling it are 2 different things...and when i heard some people say frontpage is easy..i felt worse..
but phew! i did it...thanks to my bro-in-law...
and..another reason i'm happy is because i feel like i've contributed to our project..since it's a computer project..i really expect tek ying to do most of the work..since she's better at it..i told her that...that she'll do more on the computer..and i'll do the searching and collecting part..but..i'll try to do as much as i can..probably this is my only chance to get familiar with site building..

i've finished revising for my test...started the revision on wednesday night, then read all the notes last night and re-checking what i remember today..maybe night time lah i start practise with hand..so far..i only use revise with my mind...and i think the tutorial questions really help..i bet if not because i always prepared for the tutorial..it won't be that easy for me to remember all the reactions..wish tek ying luck lah..just now when i called her to tell her the good news..she was still cracking her brain for the test...she's weak at chemistry...but she's hard-working..
she's the one who i learnt that working hard really worthed...if you're intelligent, you just have to study smart..but if you don't have the talent, study hard can make a difference, be it big or small lah...
i know i should start with animal phylogeny report..but so lazy to start oh..the weather today makes people drowsy..and lazy too..so instead of doing the report..i slept..hehe...
maybe i'll do a bit tonight..and complete it before monday...so on monday i can do my plant report..i really prefer to do the plant one..easier...for animal is ok plang...the second report a bit tough lor..because i wasn't prepared well..but for the third one..i learnt more things..so easier to do...gosh..i miss the time when i have to do proper report...miss typing writings with the pc...and i only realized it when i did my essay for the computer course..oh yeah..need to write an essay on last lecture..but it's easy..because interesting topic..but i think those people who didnt stay for the tutorial don't know about it kali...i'll just do..so won't be feeling guilty..

my niece is here...next time, i'm going to be so jealous if my mom doesn't help me with my kids..that is, if i determine to have kids...i'll be annoyed too if ta jie doesn't help me...
maybe i won't complain to them..but i'll complain to myself i guess.. :p
i expect people help me back when i need them, if i help them...

the second activity of community service sounds interesting..i've never been to KACA oh..
i think i should get involved in more charity activities lah..but i'm so ignorant that i don't know what to do and where to go...plus..i can't find a time at the moment too..

lizzy, i'll borrow your big girls don't cry...but not now..wait till holiday...because i have the records of borrwoing books for ages...so i'll borrow it during long holiday...then i'll finish it fast..
so..make sure you won't need the book back fast..or else..don't borrow me oh..
you looked so tired on wednesday lah..all the 3 of you...

weekend..

don't worry lizzy..take your time lah...i kind of sense it in the morning..so in the afternoon..me too..try to stay away from you...
funny...i felt awkward when talking to her in your presnece...i don't feel like i'm trying to patch things up when with you..but i feel so with her when you're around..hmm...
and when i tried to let go of the bias and dislikeness...how people discriminate her becomes so clear to me...just a small incident before you guys come to lab lah..

vassco sorry got your name wrongly spelled...name is not taken under consideration during exam jua...:p

that's what i've been telling cindy them and tek ying...science people never have free saturday...when people at other faculties are enjoying their weekend...we have to stay back in the lab to do practical..weekend is always the busiest day of the week...
but i kind of enjoying my saturday oh...although usually only 1 hour lunch break..that's what make the day fun for me...
yesterday the canteen food were extra nicer than usual...is that because they've got a lot of complaints?? like what tek ying and fajar said...i'm never aware that people complain about it oh..never thought of complaining too about the dishes and food..lagging bah me..

i've been eating a lot last week..or for the last few weeks...makes me so worried about where the food go in my body..hope all go to my breasts :P..but it's useless to worry now...should try to control...

yesterday morning..while me and mimi were on our way to male hostel..we kind of witnessed an accident..nothing serious lah...no one's hurt...obviously it's the fault of the middle-aged man...he drove so fast...poor young lady..must have a huge fright..quite loud eh...then that old man (quited from mimi) still kept mumbling..still trying to find excuse for his fault...
i think that's typical in brunei here lah...old people never respect you if you're young like us..when in a car accident...like what tek ying told me the other day about her friend accidentally knocked someone's car...the father was a malay policeman..he scolded her friend to death..requested replacement of the whole door without waiting for the opinion of car workshop worker to judge oh...even asked the friend to go to police station..but not for doing any statement or report...then what for lah ask her to go...so she didn't go....and the manner of the policeman became a lot nicer after he talked on phone with another friend's father...
i felt so lucky lah...at least when same thing happened to me..the first time..the driver didn't request something unreasonable...the secodn time..my uncle helped me to settle down...

3rd year anniversary!

feel like usual lah..not like an anniversary at all..because we didn't go out..didn't celebrate..we just spent the morning chatting, afternoon at my place..then i cooked him a meal..too salty lah my fried rice..but one thing to be happy about...we're still together...3 years...sounds short but long also...a lot of feelings circled around me but..it should be between me and him only...hehe..:)

i think that's just human nature..people remember your contribution for a second and your failure or bad things for years...it's easier for people to accept your shortcomings than your strength..
remember we mentioned before..if one of us likes a person, the other will like too..so if now you start to like her..likely that i'll like her too ah..then slowly one by one..more and more people will like her..and i think..i'm being unfair to her lor..i judge her by others' opinion before getting along with her..
now you're making me feel guilty for saying what i'd in my previous post :p..but you told me another good point about nisa and mai...
in last month cleo, bitching is one of the habits the editor suggested every girl to quit..others include smoking, impulsive spending, laziness, etc

last time me and dear had an agreement...if we ever bitch about people, we'll slap each other..but now the agreement seems forgotten..but thanks to him lah..i talk to him about almost everything..and that's the end of most stuffs..because i doubt he remember most of the things i said..nevermind also..i also always forget what i told him..:p
so if ever my secret is exposed to people..he'll be the first suspect lor..because a lot of the things, i only told him..ooppsss

tomorrow mimi will be joining my jap class..so we'll meet after the chemis lecture at fos..then together we'll walk to the male hostel..i'm not quite sure where's the multi-purpose hall..
jenny offered to give me a ride..but i have to wait for her at clt..think it'd be nearer if i go from fos..can exercise too...when i got nothing to do..or plenty of time left for next class..i like to walk around the campus...enjoy the scenery..and occasionally, there'll be gentle breeze that makes me can't help but to smile..even when i'm alone! hehe..hope people won't find me a weirdo...
i'm bringing my own lunch tomorrow..so have to wake up early..hehe make me look forward to tomorrow..then..first time for me to go to male hostel..if there's any leng chai..i probably can't sleep tonight :p

after yesterday..i miss holiday lah..but somehow feel a bit guilty for not doing anything during the past 2 days...

just sent a mail to sz..he said he lost track of me..hmm..
but glad that he has a meimei to count on when he has trouble..so don't worry about him lah..

ok..before my third year anniversary with dear over..let me make a wish..i wish..me and him can be together for a long long time..and then..everyone of us can manage to abandon our old bad habits..such as..vasco improve his English!! haha...cheers!

a thursday like friday

now i'm glad i provoke your defence lizzy..it makes us erm..become honest with each other again..
you remind me of my second semester..when i was still in biomed..everyday 8 am to 4pm or later..then with all the due date following one another closely...that time..i only see my biomed mates..but MIB helped me to stay in touch with you guys lah..actually even till now...my time is only for my study, my family and my relationship...sometimes i wonder is that mainly because they're always there when i got time..but my friends aren't...when i'm busy, just the thought of asking someone out is tiring...and when people know i'm busy, they tend to count me out whenever they have anything coming up...so..the gap starts to form lah..
i also don't like you to change yourself to suit me lah..i'm sure you know it ah..when you know your friends don't have similar personality with you yet you still like them..that's one of the best feelings in this world lor...
and i doubt i will change too..i'm already 20-yr-old..too late to shape my character now :p..

i've been telling dear that i want to make a budget plan..so i can save up to $200 every month..but i never take any action..quoting from swait zin..procrastination..hehe...but lizzy's blog drives me to do it...i don't know is it the effect of your blog..just now i really almost buy 2 pairs of shoes..luckily i didn't...it's like..i know i don't need so many pairs of sneakers..but when i see those nice one...big challenge eh..

miss japanese and korean food...eversince i had that practical on scallops...pun sia sia~
with dear and sherman...it's either chinese or thai food...need to be careful lagi..
i'm thinking to start bringing my own lunch next time..since i got the recipe for many types of dishes...plus..i can make sure things i eat are healthy and not fatty ah...if eat outside..not much choices...i mean..a lot of choices but all not good for my weight
hm..finding a lunch time with lizzy is not easy..monday cannot..tuesday..depends..wednesday cannot...unless we eat after 2..then maybe we can try thursday...saturday cannot lah..

i start to think...we had a ..erm..conflict or something like that...should mimi say something??
mimi also always out with her sayang..but i always see mama..and lina..the 2 lina-s always eat at canteen..or do their assignments in canteen i should say...

last practical i found one thing nice in mizah...she gives everything a try...that's good ah..eventhough most of the time she ends up messing things up..still it's something i should learn..because many of the times..we just assume we cant or we can..instead of trying it in real..

i like puteri's outfits..it's like she's always looking at her best...also inspire me a lot..i also like the kind of long skirt that are so trendy these days..lizzy got some too..3 'storey' one..but i don't think i'll wear it lor..not my style..but it's really nice to look at..

hehe..i went to a tailor shop the other day..wanted to make 2 baju kedah..and adjust the size of my old baju kurung...there's one design..very very~ nice oh...i wanted that one..and i did discuss with the tailor..but after everything's settled..i found that the price is $45..scared me eh..i cancelled it in the end..since i'm only use it for school..no need so expensive lah..plus..i won't need any super nice one for hari raya i think..

tomorrow is a big day...it's our 3rd year anniversary...dear bought me a gift..britney's perfume - curious...i don't use perfume though...but i still like it..smell nice..and feels sweet...maybe this year i'll start wearing it..
but i haven't bought him anything oh..plan to..but forgot bah...too busy this week..will buy one for him soon..

need to catch up with swait zin...i think meimei and tyng probably have nice time living with each other..but not swait zin..poor guy...then..he never mention about other people like dibah..azim..aliyah etc etc in his blog and mails..makes me wonder does he hang out with them at all..or he just stick to his christian friends...
if you guys ever notice..ehsan looks great in pictures but still i don't think we click..maybe we're too similar so tend to have conflicts...and those biomed people..they update their photos in friendster more keen than anything else eh..they are like..reminding me all the time how much fun i gave up...nevermind..i still have fun here...i don't hate microscope anymore..even though i'm kind of very slow in practical..i learn more things..i dont waste my time..

wah..long post eh..enough lah..want to update my photo album in yahoo lor..tomorrow maybe will send the pic to develop..still prefer to see hardcopy than see in the pc..

forgot lor

don't worry ah lizzy..i'm ok ah..erm..at first feel a bit..can't cope with it lah..but after posting the blog..feel fine lor...just a bit worried you'll still be angry...but now everything's clear out lah
i notice you said things straightforward but...i like you that way..because..feel real kua...plus that's the real you ah..
i admit i tend to pick out differences in you eversince i read your post about the little secret..
and..really..at first felt guilty..after that..feel glad too because you're happy now..
me too..found a way to stay happy ah...maybe through judging people too though..but in a good way kua..at least people don't know and i'm happy...plus..i don't bitch about them ah...just realizing certain strength in them makes me feel happy..feel like wah~ what a wonderful world..feel like..how lucky, i'm surrounding by good people...like..i realized burne always smiles so bright even when she said she's stress...her smile cheer people up effectively...then jenny, my jap class classmate..she has cute personality..vanessa brings sunshine to people...mai and nisa help people a lot if studying with them..especially during practical..even dr marshall is soo helpful during practical...that's the practical last week when i found that good thing in him..and makes me more willingly to seek help from him..then no matter how busy he is..dr azman still is very organized..that's something i need to learn from him...
i tend to get disorganized easily when something interrupt my plan...

if got lunch time..i can lunch with lizzy too ah..skip once with dear is ok lah..dear won't mind one lah..

oh yeah..got to go now lor...post more next time