i think..one of the things i'll think of when i think of my uni life next time is loneliness...erm..maybe that's too strong a word to describe how i feel..but today..i really find being alone unbearable...feel like everyone has abandoned me....i guess i'm just too tired...
usually i can amuse myself when i'm alone...i always manage to make myself enjoy the moment i have even if alone..even if no one to talk or accompany me...but today..all those ability left me..
after handed in the testpapers..i waited..eventhough i don't know what and who am i waiting for...and then i realized i shouldn't be waiting...because no one has the time for me...some busy with their own work..some just left with other friends..and waved at me happily...
i thought shopping could make me feel better...but it only made me feel worse...thinking that i've spent so much..althought those are all things i need and have been planning to buy...maybe i shouldn't buy them all at one go...
sometimes i think i'm too demanding on tek ying...how can i expect her to accompany me for lunch...she doesn't have proper lunch..and she got her own things to do also...but sometimes i really can't control myself..i feel like i've helped her as much as i can..and she's not being the same back to me...i should be more considerate towards her...plus..she has her own group of close friends too...although i join them..that doesn't make any difference i guess...
am i the only one feeling so...so far..when i think of uni...what come to my mind would be..study, learn to be alone, pimples and weight loss due to stress...haih...
i blame all to the exhaustion..eversince the beginning of this second half semester...i haven't taken any proper rest...i feel like i've pushed myself to the limits...my legs are not strong enough to walk as fast as before even in the morning....i definitely have done a lot of brisk walking this sem....now if anyone ever say CLT is far from FOS...i'll just shrug and give no comment...because i dont longer agree with that...
i'm ruining my health i guess...insufficient sleep and rest...junk food...heavy dinners...i know i've been too tired...because my chest starts to feel weak again...if i remember..i'll go for a cardio check-up during the holiday next time..always experience that 'heaviness' on my chest when i don't have enough sleep...sometimes will have shortness of breath also...
guess i have problem with mingling with people...or i'm just being fussy...
at the moment..i really think the best thing is get back that cheerful attitude of mine..then alone or not will not matter to me...after saying all the unhappy things out..i really think i was just being ridiculous...and sometimes i wonder why do i bother so much with companion...just because others have their fixed group of friends??
sometimes i really feel proud of myself..no matter how sad or angry i am...i never forget that how fortunate i am...to be who i am..to live in this part of the world..to be in this family...and to have all the love i have....i can't ask for anymore...
i guess i didn't do as good as i did for the previous chem test...but i was too tired to bother...plus my mind was preoccupied by the listlessness too...
hopefully this weekend i can get some rest...i miss holiday...miss the time i don't have to think about any unfinish assignments....wonder do i really want to work during december...
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