usually it's the night when me and him spend together...when i'm thinking about him..or talking about him with myself..i don't like calling his name...i wish i could still call him dear...but now..i can't..and i'll feel worse if i refer him as my used-to-be dear..
i miss him..especially when i'm free...sometimes i really feel proud of myself...to be able to take things so easily...like..it's been 2 weeks...i don't cry..because i know that will make me feel worse and lengthen the period of my 'healing'...but i do allow myself to shed tears...allow myself to look back at what we had done..and gone through together....i don't hate his parents..never did...i appreciate their care for him...i really think their intention is good...but they just approach him the wrong way...i'm proud of him too..because he loves his parents...i don't lie to myself when i'm not happy...and i don't think i'm making use of the study to keep my mind busy..because the study is indeed busy enough...i don't even have time to make use of them..
i don't lie to him too when i miss him...and i still tell him what my plan next day...
for adults who have my respect..i'll listen to them..because...i believe they know a lot more about life than me..just like most of our mothers and grandparents...they might not know the theory but a lot of things..they know it..with their own explanation and reasoning..and that's only come from experience..sometimes i really wish i could reach my 50s or 60s..and then i'll sit down..and tell my life stories to my next generation..hehe...
i don't know..maybe i still judge my own figure based on his view...a habit dies hard kua...sometimes i think i look good..but sometimes..when i reckon i've eaten a lot more than enough..or a lot of junk fatty food..i'll start to worry...hm...i'll need some time to stop thinking thin is pretty kua..or it's not only his fault..those magazines and tv show i read and watch also have impact on me kua...
but aftr mimi's comment..and lizzy's..i feel less worried...and less obsess with my body fats kua..
oh yeah..mimi..i don't take the tea every day lah..only when i think i've eaten a lot..or too oily stuffs...and i want to make sure i don't feel full when i go to sleep...hm..it's more to do with convincing myself that it's ok to sleep and eat kua...
hey i know i've gone a bit over with it...see how lah...it's a great temptation when i can fit in clothes that i couldn't before...like..from size XL to size M...keeps me motivated...but i won't get too slim lah..i plan to stop taking the tea often lor..or else i'll never make myself to exercise...
hehe..lizzy...find a companion to jog..then it's likely you'll stick to it...someone like me...hehe..me too wish to jog...but everytime just cancel the plan last minute...since i'm alone..there won't be any harm if i don't jog...but i think i'm clever enough...since i don't exercise so often now..i try to walk as much as i can and as fast as i can when in school...that's why i like saturday morning class..keeps me awake with all those brisk walking...
i'm getting darker...:(
not a problem though...i think if too fair won't look healthy as well...
i think i just limit myself to 2 or 3 shopping trips each month...good for my account..and thanks to driving..i shop less...when i think of i have to drive..lazy to go lor..i never like driving..but the idea of it prevent me from going shopping..makes me like it a bit...
honestly..i can't think of any reason why i shouldn't be happy with my life...maybe my family is a bit shaky...my love life has come to a temporary stop...and my study takes too much of my time..but none of them is a problem...because i feel closer to my family now..and we are more united than ever...although i don't have bf now..i haven't lost him...i just have one more close friend..and i have more time for my study and for myself...although sometimes my study makes me want to cry..still my performance tell me all my effort worthed...i find no reason to complain about my life...so i just stay happy and cheerful..slowly i can influence the people around me to be happy also i hope...smile is infectious..so is happiness i think...
although it sound..showy or boastful...i really find myself fortunate to have so many good people in my life...like..no matter what i did or where i go..i know there'll be people loving me...hm..sometimes i find it a bit frustrating plang...hehe :P
ok lah..want to go dinner lor..plan to sleep early tonight..and wake up early tonight..then can start on my assignments (i hope)..
my sunday is always boring..just staying at home...in fact..most of the time..when i don't have to go to school..i stay at home...only once in a while will i long to go out...i'm such a suitab;e person to be a full time housewife eh :p
No comments:
Post a Comment