last day of mid sem break

josh reformatted my pc for me..everything's new in my oc now..and he refused to charge me for any price..so i brought him out for lunch...
but because of my carelessness..i lost the document i spent 2 nights doing...nevermind..i've finished re-doing it..

eshyn was here for ..almost whole day...ta jie bought us pudding...i've got new songs..new downloading programme that works more efficient than kazaa...

i'm supposed to feel happy...or look forward for the next half term for this sem...but i'm not..i miss him...i really miss him...why can't people stop asking me about him...as many as 2 means a lot to me...i can't stop my tears when i think of..from now on...i have to find companion for things i want to do like watching movie..dinner out..lunch out...no one will share ice cream with me...no one will finish the food for me if i can't finish them...no one is there for me to present myself when i dress up nicely...no one to spend the sunday with me...no one to look forward to when i do whatever things...
i can't stopped thinking what will happen if i didn't turn down directly that night...will we be back together and feel happy...will he still fall sick today..will i still have someone to share both my ups and downs...
although i know..i've been telling him and my self too how good our life is now...we love and loved by who we love...but we're not commited to anyone...anything..i know too after tonight i'll be ok..i expected myself to be busy from tomorrow onwards...with all the assignments i left behind this week..and tests coming up...and this time..i'll concentrate fully on study(i hope)...but what will happen after i call it a day and lie down on my bed..before i fall asleep?
i just..fail to convince myself how better my life is gonna be....for tonight..

tonight i don't need reasoning..i don't need assurance...don't need sit-ups..don't need leg lifting..
all i need..is remove the plaster and let my wound breathe...
tomorrow when i wake up..i'll be fine..i have to be fine...life still go on...and i believe i'll get my optimism back...
sometimes i really think we're not over yet...we're just back to the phase where we're not yet couple but little bit more than friends..just like the way we used to be before we became couple..but this time..will we take a step forward and become couple again..or will we take a step backward? i don't know...go with the flow..he always says...i really hope if we're to take the forward step...let it come when everything is on our side...

haih...
ok..i'll brush my teeth..exfoliate my face..and busy myself with a novel before i go to sleep...