excited now

yesterday was fun.. we spent the whole afternoon at anna's place.. laughed so hard till my chest hurt.. ate so much that i felt bloated.. i love those times i spent with my girlfriends.. it's always laughters and jokes all the time.. hehe.. love them all.. we also talked about the tsunami.. i think my mom is cool.. all she said about the sms concerning the tsunami warning is 'it's just a lie'.. i did think about it but.. still ignored it before i slept.. scared or not.. it'd still come if it's really coming.. plus.. most of the houses in brunei are all along the coastal areas.. even the highway..

i'm going to KK.. later tonight.. wow wow wow! this is going to be my first flight eversince my hong kong trip in 1999.. feel very excited and a bit scared about it.. yeah scared.. because i'm going alone.. but it's very adventurous to me.. hehe.. my mom encourages me to go too.. because i've never had a vacation since long~ time ago... most of the time.. during my holidays.. i'm supposed to stay at home while my mom goes travelling..
at first.. i felt bit reluctant to go.. because of financial problem.. now turned out that i'm worrying too much... my mom paid for my tickets.. my dad gave me RM500 pocket money and even my sis contributed B$100.. so.. i don't have to spend as much as i initially thought i needed.. haih... if my result is not good enough.. i'll feel guilty to spend so much of their money eh.. making them proud of me is the best way i can think of to please them.. and my study is my only strength in this family... heard from mama that half of the class got supp and half fail and only 5 pass the physical chem.. meaning the probability for me to fail is higher than pass.. ok stop! now is not the time for that.. pass or fail.. at least i tried my best.. it's too late to worry about it now.. i should've studied harder before the exam.. not worrying and regretting when the result is almost out..

i'll miss my dear.. and my family.. definitely... but i'm anticipating fun.. hehe.. i can shop like crazy there.. one of my relatives mentioned that there are more shopping centres now.. oh my god.. and all the delicious food...yummy~~ the relatives i'm going to stay with love japanese food.. pun sia sia~ eversince lizzy went abroad.. i haven't eaten any japanese food oh.. have i?? hm.. cant remember.. i don't think so..

i'm glad that my mom is very happy when i told her i'm going.. she's been suggesting me to go since.. ages ago.. my relatives there too sounded happy according to my mom.. when she told them i'm going... feel a bit nervous actually... i'm not good at mingling with people.. and i haven't met them since last year.. hope i won't let them down.. they're close with my mom.. letting them down will indirectly let my mom down too..

i'm coming back on tuesday night.. can't wait for my vacation to start.. finally it's my turn to go out.. hehe..

i miss my mom.. she just came back from labuan on the day before yesterday and this morning she has left to KK.. miss her so much... she's the most important person in this family.. everyone relies on her a lot.. this is the conclusion i make during the time she's not around..
i really adore my mom.. she's my idol.. when she's not around.. and the maid not around too.. i realized i'm like an idiot in a lot of things.. it's bit ironic.. people look up on me because of my study.. but so what i'm an undergraduate.. there's so much things in life i've yet to learn..
i always envy my cousins and friends who don't study well but good in arts or handicraft..
a person won't starve to death if he/she can't study but for people like me.. who can study but don't know much about practical life.. what can i do if i'm to stop my study now?? i don't have a degree.. don't have any skills..
ok.. stop being depressive.. i guess it's all because my mom's not around.. really miss her..

i don't celebrate christmas.. but i always believe christmas is a festival for family gathering or reunion... this year.. my sis going to empire.. fook in kk with my mom.. ping will be out... thank god i have dear.. he'll come to keep me company...
then.. i feel a bit proud.. like both my brothers have grown up..especially ping... he's really helpful and cooperative..

no one is home so i can't make it for the hang-out on sunday.. if it's jadi..

i've spent a few hundreds dollars.. for christmas gifts.. but i love the feeling of giving gifts to my family on christmas.. love the pink shirt i bought for my niece. so lovely..
and i'm so glad that my sis and mom like the gifts i bought for them..

haih... once again... in my holiday.. i have to take charge of the house.. haven't really felt rested eversince the exam... maybe have to wait till next week.. when my mom's back from KK..

my trip to miri ah... hmm.. tired.. the shopping started right after breakfast.. i spent about B$300 oh... but now i don't have to worry about chinese new year.. it's likely that we'll start studying on the third or fourth day of chinese new year.. so no need to buy lots of new clothes.. though i think i'm going to buy some more if i have a few more shopping trips..

christmas is coming~ in a week time.. but this year.. can't spend with my family.. fook and my mom will be away.. think ping won't be home too.. maybe i can spend the day preparing the gifts for them.. i'm not the type who likes to give presents to people all the time.. but i do love the process of looking for and wrapping gifts on special occassions.. christmas is one of them..
now i've got things to wear on the first day of chinese new year.. i allow myself to spend money with more ease..

dear bought me a new bag... it's going to be the most expensive school bag for me oh..
erm.. lizzy... yup.. i'm still with him *blush* talk to you when you're back

then.. i probably won't stop my aerobics.. need to keep fit.. actually lose some weights.. i have gained some extra fats during the exam weeks..

quite a lot of things happened lately.. feel like i've just gone through some lessons about life..

i'm back back back... after almost one week since my last exam

sorry mi.. didn't check my mail last night.. then.. i'll try to go to you guys tomorrow night.. if i come back from miri early... i can't go there on saturday night.. not sure about sunday.. really sorry oh.. next week will be fine..

yup i'm going to miri tomorrow.. finally~~ but i need to hold back myself from spending too much.. tomorrow morning we're leaving very early.. because me and siao are fasting tonight... we're planning to do medical check-up tomorrow.. i never have any... feel bit excited about it..

mama.. my turn to send the maid back to the agent.. we decided that we've had enough with her.. thank god now is my holiday.. so we're not in a hurry to have a maid.. i told my mom i can help.. so i better be more initiatives..

should i talk about the exam?? hmm.. i think i did better in chemistry than in bio.. not sure if i can get another A in japanese..mama and i were like.. our first target was to get at least a B for chemistry.. then towards the end of the sem, we thought C was enough... during revision week.. D was quite impressive.. and after the exam, an E is very enough... hehe...i love doing pair revision.. or group study.. provided everyone works at the same pace.. it was fun to revise with mama and tek ying.. for those i did pair-revision.. the exams were ok.. but for those i revised by my own... not so well-prepared..

ok.. talking about my holiday.. feel bit empty.. no plan at all.. but i try to make sure i keep a good sleeping pattern.. wake up and sleep early...
tomorrow going to miri.. i can't wait to go shopping.. but i can't spend too much there.. because i want to shop in brunei too..

hm.. sometimes got a feeling like everyone has been waiting for me to have holiday.. i've been asked to do this and that eversince i finished the last exam.. but not too often.. i still managed to take afternoon nap.. hehe.. and i think i'll stop my aerobic classes this month.. since i have the time now.. i can just exercise on my own.. actually i just want to save the money.. so i can do other things with it.. like.. movie.. shopping.. although it's not much.. still it can help.. enough to buy a new handbag.. or 4 to 5 CLEO and FEMALE... oh~ i miss reading those magazines..

contact wth you again tomorrow night year mi..

revision week

finally.. all assignments done.. one last test tomorrow.. then i can have a break.. just a short break.. have to start revision by tuesday..
honestly.. i don't like the past few weeks for the hectic schedule.. but at the same time.. i enjoy the challenges.. like the feeling when im able to hand in the reports on time.. i mean.. when you think of it.. 4 full reports + 3 tests to prepare in a week time.. sounds a lot.. but i did it.. i handed in my work on time.. prepared for every test.. though not fully prepared..
i seriusly need a good rest before i start to study for my exam.. i have a headache.. wonder is it a sign of my brain is overworked.. or because the lack of sleep.. and i've got mild acne attack again.. *sniff *sniff.. my last exam on 9th dec.. so the following monday i'll go for a facial treatment.. i miss shopping.. i missed the last grand sale... didn't shop much..
there were 2 parties at my place but i didn't participate much.. because i was in a hurry to finish my work..
ok.. with my time management is good enough.. i might not have to rush.. but i really think it's not just me alone this time.. lots of factors invovled.. like.. the hari raya.. all those public holidays so we need to find time for make-up lectures and practical... it's hard to get people moving when they're celebrating raya.. and one very big factor is.. i started too slow.. now i finally see the point why dr kam always advises her students to start background reading during holiday.. before the sem begins.. because when study starts.. there's no time for any serious reading..
so.. i'm thinking to buy the textbooks during this december.. so by the time school starts.. i have all or most of the materials needed.. hehe hopefully i won't be too caught up with my break..

i found out that in other countries.. like UK.. bio sci students don't have to do minor.. they just focus on bio.. how come it's different thing here?? no wonder some people say it's really hard to get good grades here in ubd
maybe this is a good thing.. meaning our degree will be one of the best.. and our students are not restricted to any one subject only..and we all should feel proud of our degrees..
i really hope i won't end up with a third class degree next time..
all the best~

during the past few weeks.. although i tried not to let the stress affect me.. tried to be cheerful.. still i could feel a slight change in me.. i became grumpy.. even tiny things could get on my nerves.. i have very low tolerance to people and things that didn't go my way.. i didn't have time to think for others.. self-centred all the time.. didn't have time to appreciate what i have..
i don't like that.. so i'll try to avoid that to happen again.. and im really sorry to those people who i might have hurt unconsciously..
sometimes i have doubt.. about myself.. maybe i'm too greedy.. too ambitious.. trying to do a good job in everything.. oh well.. i think everyone will go through this stage..
i'm not the only one who is stress in ubd.. so i'm not alone.. :p

i skipped the last assignment in BEAC.. that's the first time i think the lecturer is expecting too much from us... or maybe it's us who take things too easily.. this ECA is so much different from other ECAs.. the workloads seem compulsory.. and more like a proper course.. i tried to do evertything i can.. but in the last week.. i gave up.. because i chose to focus on my main study.. i'm not the kind of student who can do well in study and in ECA at the same time maybe..
hope that lecturer is not too angry with me.. no reply from her after i email her to tell i'm not coming.. i know that's my responsibility.. but.. at that time.. i really felt as if i've reached my limit..
though busy and stress.. it's a very special experience.. there had been occasions where i almost burst out in tears... of course there were also moments of accomplishment and reliefs..

now every assignment is done.. i feel a bit weird.. like.. when i'm no longer busy.. what shall i do..
of course it's revision.. but after exam.. when i don't have anything to rush.. what shall i do..
too early to think about that now... study first.. all the best to me and everyone whose exam is coming..
miss you lizzy... you look great in those pictures.. ;)
*hugs* to mama.. see you on tuesday..

just back from anna's place not long ago.. my god.. i feel bloated.. ate more than i should at rai's place just now.. i was too hungry... luckily i only had bread and biscuits for quick lunch just now..
if every day like this.. i'm going to put on weights regardless how many times i do aerobics each week.. tomorrow i'm going to masniah's place with mama and lina.. another open house.. oh my god..
ooppss.. did i make lizzy miss the food here even more???
miss lizzy oh.. like anna said.. if lizzy is here.. she sure will go to her open house..

who is that person that said i look pretty in those photos?? sz?? whoever you are... thanks.. i'm happy to hear that..

i can't wait till next week when i can go to aerobics.. have to wait till tuesday.. if possible i'll go more than 3 times next week.. to make it up for the tonnes of food i eat this week..

tonight i got to see a few people's significant ones.. they all look perfectly match with each other.. sweet too.. hehe..

oh yeah.. i did one presentation today.. not very good.. because.. hm... not good enough.. as a third year student.. i prepared the presentation as if i'm a first year or second year.. must try to do better next week...
i didn't do much for the past 2 days of holiday.. the thing that i did the most was resting.. i think it's important that we get rested during the holiday.. so when we're back to school.. we're ready to face the challenge..
why did dr wimmer cancelled the tutorials for last and this week.. i really need tutorials for my chemistry... hopefully i can have the time to revise everything before the revision week...
perhaps i should try to finish all assignments before next weekend.. so i can start revision early...
is that possible?? it is.. if i do good enough..
ganbate..

selamat hari raya

happy raya to all my muslim friends... saw nenoi's picture on borneo bulletin website.. about Bruneians celebrating hari raya in UK.. yu mei and sze wei are also in the picture..

one good news today.. dr sagun cancelled the review writing.. i was overjoyed.. and i believe everyone was.. me and tek ying were like.. confirmed?? no more that assignment?? hehe.. it's bit like something too good to be true.. couldn't stop smiling for whole day...
i appreciate that assignment.. because we've never written any review before.. this is a good chance to learn.. but i think it'll take lots of effort and time to write one.. and we have limited time.. plus almost zero experience in ecological research.. anyway.. since i've already got the journal articles.. hopefully i have time to read and understand each of them before the exam.. which i think is slim chance.. anyway.. just try my best...
i only realized how much weight the review assignment had added on to me after it's been removed from my shoulders.. i feel lighter immediately..

i'm not a muslim.. but i can feel the excitement about hari raya.. it's in the blood of every bruneian perhaps..
i think one of the good things that we're from this part of the world is we get to involve in lots of different festivals.. we celebrate chinese new year.. christmas.. and raya too..
my malay speaking is improving.. i liketo speak malay with malays.. maybe because i feel closer to them.. if only i think it this way during my secondary school.. then i'd have learnt my malay well.. but.. anything that is categorized as study tend to become less interesting i guess..

tonight i'm going to relax and rest.. leave all the readings and assignments to tomorrow and wednesday..

last night we all went buffet together at holiday lodge.. that was fun.. almost laughed my head off several time.. thanks to lini.. he always manages to make everyone laugh... we all miss lizzy.. wished she was there with us.. hopefully when she's back in december we all can go out for a buffet.. just like we always did last time.. i brought my camera with me last night.. and took some photos.. here are all the photos we took..

still think i should buy one new handphone.. erm.. which one should i buy first.. new mobile phone? or that adidas jacket?? or the nike bag?? oh my god.. why are all the things i want so expensive...

didn't do much today.. just relax.. now.. i feel guilty when i rest..but.. taking a break is a preparation for a longer journey..
i was really relaxing though.. i was looking for journal articles for the review and essay.. but not much luck.. which is very frustrating..
i appreciate that we have 2 days holiday for raya.. but i also hope the library won't have to be closed on public holiday.. i need the library to get access to most journal databases..
one thing i must mention.. the librarian was extremely nice yesterday.. she was so helpful.. we need more people like her for lots of public services..

i'm glad the ramadhan is over soon.. i drink less and less water during the fasting month.. i spend most of my time in the campus and it doesn't feel appropriate to drink in front of the malays who fast.. oh well.. i can start drinking as i like now.. i miss the taste of water..
drinking 3 to 5 litres of water per day would help in losing weight..
i'm quite concern with my skin these days.. because most of the time.. i'm either in an air-con room or under the powerful sun.. i don't want my skin to age before i do..

hmm.. hari raya is coming.. have 3 open houses to go to on thursday.. might not be able to go to all the 3.. have class till evening on that day... but i'll try.. maybe i should start having light meals tomorrow onwards..

tomorrow is monday.. the beginning of another week.. very near to exam.. oh my god.. must work hard..

got good and bad things happened recently.. let's start with bad ones first...

i got poor grades for my chemistry.. both assignments and tests.. i'm still struggling.. i wish i could learn inorganic and physical chem like i learnt organic last year.. organic chemistry is so much easier.. what made me sad when i looked at the assignment yesterday was not the grade.. i just felt so sad that i let a lecturer down.. i hate letting people down.. especially parents and teachers.. maybe because i'm used to making them proud of me..
i know.. it's not the end yet... still have time to work at it.. though when i think of the coming weeks.. i can only visualize deadlines.. essays, review, mini-project write-up, practical reports..
the feeling now.. is similar to the time when i was young.. and i can't finish my homework on time.. and ended up crying in the middle of the night.. or early in the morning.. and yup.. i do feel like crying these days.. feel like.. i can't cope with all these.. a week will just pass by without me realising it.. whole day at school.. then tuition twice a week.. aerobics twice a week.. prepare for presentations.. time on helping around in the house.. i'm getting less and less sleep.. sometimes i am counting the things i need to do in my sleep.. and wake up feeling tired.. oh god...

ok.. if i have time to blog here.. whining about those... meaning i actually have the time to do my work.. right..
i just need to talk about it to make myself feel better..

i start to find the problem with the online library... when i renew books online.. i always forget to renew them on time.. and end up paying overdue fees.. eventhough the library only charges us 20 cents for each book.. when lots of 20 cents come together.. that's still a lot..

thinking to buy a new mobile phone.. with camera.. and must have a reminder.. or organiser...

ah! my sis had given birth to a baby boy last saturday night.. i was with her since noon till she came out from the delivery suite.. that was tiring eh... but a very previous experience..
i skipped my inorganic class last week.. the lecturer looked a bit surprise when i told him that i'm going to miss his class that afternoon.. erm.. the reason sounded a bit vague.. it's my sister giving birth.. not me.. what for i skip class... but.. my mom hope there'll be more than 1 person there accompanying my sis... honestly.. sometimes i really don't know how to tell people around me that.. i'm busy with my study.. i'm not doing well with my chemistry.. i need more time...
i know sometimes my mom think i spend too much time studying.. she always complains whenever i need to go to school on friday... when i think about that.. part of me hope my family can be more supportive to me for my study.. but another part of me thinks this is one of the unique things about my mom.. she never wants us to study too hard...

oh yeah i was talking about my sis... my god.. i had the urge to cry with her when she was having the pain.. and at the end of that day.. the feeling was soo complicated.. a little bit of fear, lots of happiness, small portion of touched and big relief.. really hard to put the feelings into words..
but i really admire my sis.. i'm more selfish i guess.. i wouldn't be content if i'm to settle down with a family life now.. i'm much more ambitious i think..

so far.. all the grades i've got back from bio assignments and tests are motivating.. mostly Bs and a few As.. totally opposite to my grades in chemistry.. but i'm not giving up yet.. all i need is to study and do my work more efficiently.. since i don't have a long~ time to spend on each course.. i really need to double the efficiency.. i'm really scared of disappointing anyone anymore.. including myself.. if i can't get at least a C for any of my chemistry courses.. i'll be sooooooo sad..
ok.. cheer myself up.. at least i'm starting to find inorganic interesting... so.. ganbate!

lizzy.. i'll give the hamper to mimi tomorrow night... actually.. should be she'll come to take it tomorrow night.. such last minute..hard to find her or her family at their sufri flat.. i totally forgot about buying them gifts.. too late now to order kuih sapit from my grandma.. only managed to ask my brother to buy boxes of bottled soft drinks yesterday..
but i feel so happy that lizzy still remember to buy things for mimi..hehe

correction! correction!
i made a silly mistake.. mama updated her blog on sunday morning.. and i read it on tuesday night.. and i thought she posted that post on tuesday.. oh my god! i'm so embarassed.. *blushing*blushing
hehe.. yeah right.. i almost never blush.. my face is not thick.. maybe my facial blood vessels are bit deeper under my epidermis..

lizzy *hugs* jia you.. don't push yourself too hard.. i mean.. you're there in calgary.. not everyone get to go there on scholarship.. don't keep burying yourself with study and chores.. you won't want to look blank when we ask you how's calgary when you back next time.. plus.. you'll be back in less than 2 months time now.. ganbatte

no one around me is coughing.. somehow i start to cough.. thinking to take the cough syrup just now but found it expired since last month or august.. quite a few items at my place always get expired before they're eaten by us.. and most of them are bought by me... sometime i have strong cravings for something.. and i just don't feel like eating anymore after i buy it.. most of the junk food will eventually end up in my brother's tummy... maybe it's partly my fault for his obesity.. but with people like fook and antonia.. i'll always worry they don't get enough food.. it's a great torture for people with huge appetite not to get enough food.. i learnt that from my own past experience..

haih.. i don't want to just do what she says. because it's a group..not as if we're her employee but.. i don't know how to voice out to her my opinion when she rejects my work.. and don't know how to tell her i don't agree with her.. without initiating a conflict.. when i don't feel comfortable with someone or something.. i'll only avoid that person/thing.. is this a typical character of bruneian? wish i have the gut to insist on my own ideas.. after all.. to me, the lecturer in charge is the only person who can reject my work.. maybe i should learn from her.. no matter what.. just speak my mind out... but how oh..
hmm.. guess that's one of the things i should learn from my participation in the whole thing..

i'm a bit weird.. we went into the forest this morning.. and i got a few cuts on my arms.. feeling bit sore.. but.. i'm proud of myself when i look at the cuts.. feel so much accomplished.. eventhough the cuts are nothing when compare to normal wounds

hehe this post is intended to tease mama.. for the whole mid semester break you didn't update and yet you updated your blog on the eve of inorganic chemistry test?? hehe
good luck for tomorrow.. i've read all of them.. trying to remember as much as i can.. just hope the things won't get mixed up during test tomorrow.. like during the physical chemistry test..

now it's time for my japanese test revision.. i've learnt them all too.. just need to remember the characters.. sensei kept assuring us yesterday that the test is not difficult...
any test will be difficult if i dont prepare for it..

lots of deadlines coming... i have stiff shoulders these days..
just suddenly realized that.. since i have no time to do revision for each course... i should do every assignments of every course full-heartedly.. assignments can be a form of revision too..

ok.. time to revise..

yesterday.. when i said we didnt have enough time to do the assignments during the term.. so could only do it during the break... dr marcus said if i have time to blog.. i should have time for assignments... hehe... now i know how those people who say busy feel.. when i mentioned if they have time to say they're busy.. meaning they're not truly busy... a real busy person would have no time to complain...
i think... some of us are really stubborn.. we've been listening to the same advises every week.. but.. after 6 or 7 weeks.. we're still the same.. not improving much.. our attitude is still the same..
and me... still blogging... only less often..

hmm.. craving for instant soup noodles.. the korean one.. pun sia sia

sometimes i wish there are more than 24 hours in a day.. so i have more time to finish my work.. but sometimes.. i think there are only 24 hours a day.. because we're not supposed to work for too long..

a thursday night... not in the mood to do any work now.. going out soon for aerobics.. but i'm going to the library tomorrow.. i prefer to do my work when there's the sun... and will only be motivated to do efficiently when i'm in the campus..
when i try to study at home.. there's always temptation.. tv.. msn.. erm.. i don't chat a lot though actually.. ok.. so tv.. my niece.. my sis... distractions coming from everywhere.. but if in the school library.. or anywhere in ubd... i'm more tempted to study..
and i really can't waste any more time.. very soon the deadlines will be near.. i wish i could have at least a month time to study for the final exam.. ok.. not i wish.. i must try.. ganbate..

my mom mentions about going for hi tea tomorrow.. but not confirmed yet.. depend on whether my sis will give birth tomorrow or not.. her tummy is soooo big.. if the hi tea is on.. then.. i better go aerobics again tomorrow night...
my mom's said that i didnt have any break at all.. i wish to buy another gift for her acually.. keep feeling like the slow cooker i bought is not enough... we'll see..

hope the hazy condition can get better soon.. i miss the sun... the haze has been shielding the sun since monday.. and i've been feeling cold since monday too.. haze haze.. go away...

mizah.. what i meant was i thought we're getting along well with our seniors but how come the juniors not doing the same...

i didn't do anything since yesterday.. feel bit guilty... so i guess tomorrow i'll do more...
finally the genetics textbooks are here.. going to get them from TA Morgan tomorrow.. luckily we haven't had the test for that yet.. i need that textbook desperately for the course..

sungkai buffet everywhere i go... even at the lamee restaurant... but recently i feel full just by thinking of the oil and fats in those food... and i think i'm quite sensitive to MSG.. i get really thirsty after eating anything with lots of it.. the thirst starts even before i finish eating... maybe i'm just being choosy... i don't like oily stuffs.. don't like food that are very sweet or salty.. don't like dishes that are purely meat.. but.. if any of those are cooked by my mom.. i'll finish it..

i wish i could have more time to concentrate on every single thing i do... mama.. when i think of our initial plan of studying together at the library during this break.. i feel like.. so hard lah.. i need to go to school even earlier than during study time.. for practical follow-ups.. for BEAC.. maybe as third year student.. i shouldn't join something like BEAC.. because it really requires ample time and effort... and it's really difficult for students from different faculties and courses to get together at the same time.. but we're trying hard.. and probably that's why i should be in this club.. to learn about working in groups... since it's unlikely i'll have a job that is in isolation..
plus i love group work.. especially during the time when everyone is working hard towards the same goal.. and achieved it at the end.. that feeling is awesome..

went shopping with my mom, siao, my sis and niece today... finally have chance to shop.. it was great.. bought one slow cooker for my mom... turned out that i over-estimated the price.. then i declined my mom's offer for buying the MP3 player.. i still prefer to use my own money to get one.. same like mobile phone.. i'll never forget how i felt when i first got this laptop... a very strong accomplished feeling.. because i paid it with my own money.. in cash.. hehe
i think i'm proud.. in a way... i don't like to accept help from others all the time.. hm..

first day of fasting.. also my first day of mid-semester break... since it's a break.. the first thing i'm going to do.. is give myself a break.. or else i'll feel guilty for whoever started the idea of mid-semester break.. that person wanted us to rest right?? hehe.. :p

tomorrow is still a public holiday here... but i better start doing some work.. one week usually is short.. i still have to teach tuition at night... my cousin got 91% for her maths.. and 75% for her integrated science... wow.. such a huge accomplishment feeling for me.. at least i did my job..
i just have to teach tuition for another month or so then i can stop... finally~~

seems like.. lots of conflicts between us and the juniors... i thought we're getting along well with our seniors.. hmm... don't want to care so much... not very important issue for me...
just that it'll keep coming up in my mind when i'm in school..
but those people in the same tutorial group with me are nice... they took initiatives to say hi to me.... feel a bit bad that i dont remember their names.. but i do remember their faces well..
it's bit rude right to not remember people's name... bad me..

yesterday it was my first time having lunch at the male hostel canteen... antonia was soo nice.. he got extra coupons so he gave them to me.. then helped me to order food and drinks.. when it comes to people like antonia and my youngest brother.. i'm always worried that they don't eat enough... hunger is something very pathetic for fat people... that's my belief.. when i was still obessed.. i can't feel hungry... even now i'm still that way... cant be hungry for long.. or else i'll become grumpy...
talked with nining for a long time yesterday.. felt so nice... only with nining i can have the so-called girls talk.. we can talk about everything.. sharing every secret... and seeing her and suaike so sweet and passionately together.. i feel glad too..

today is my mom's birthday... and i haven't bought her gift yet.. hmm... need to buy it before 6th of oct.. that's her chinese birthday.. also the mooncake festival...

bedtime post

i'm supposed to be sleeping now.. bit sleepy now too.. but.. don't feel like going against my urge to write.. type i mean..

just finished my assignments.. thank god i managed to finish them on time every week.. though if can finish any assignment earlier will be nice..

my sis is admitted to the hospital.. nothing serious.. just in case she gives birth.. hopefully she can get disharged tomorrow.. or gives birth tomorrow.. quite a lot of orders from her while she's in the hospital :p

tomorrow is not yet the first day of puasa.. hm.. can hang out with old ladies during fasting month.. let's find a chance to sungkai together.. sungkai for you guys.. dinner for me..

read from the newspaper that Sir Hadion received award from the Sultan.. excellence in Maths teaching.. congrats.. he deserved an award.. if all teachers are like him.. no one will fail in any exam i guess.. but.. if everyone is like him... life will be bored too.. maybe..

yesterday while driving.. it suddenly occured to me that.. is jealousy one of the reasons why i don't like certain people.. jealous because they do something which i never thought a student can do.. occasionally.. i'd want to skip a lecture too.. but i just don't have the gut to do.. maybe i'm a bit 'kiasu'... but if that 'kiasu- ness' makes me attend every lecture.. no harm keeping it that way...

ok... should go to bed now... i sleep quite early these days.. so now at 11.20.. my eyes are already half-closed.. should sleep now.. going to have a long day tomorrow..

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i'm lazy these days to think of any title for my post.. what is the point anyway.. for people like me.. we just want to talk about how we feel.. so.. title or not... not really matter i guess..

i've had the magazines with me for about a week.. finally have time to flip through one of them..

3 tips to be happy:
i- take care of yourself i.e be healthy
ii- it isn't about the money.. in other words.. don't let greed take the better of you
iii- be in control.. don't throw unnecessary tantrums at others.. control your anger..

i think it's hard to do the second and third ones.. people have different definition of greed and controlling anger... i can't control my anger well too.. but thank god shouting at others is not what i'll do when i'm pissed off.. i used to do that though when i was still young.. until i realized one day it's usually the innocent people that suffered from my anger.. as for greed.. some people said it's human nature.. hm.. will human nature make a person unhappy?? it's hard to be happy when you're never satisfied with what you already have...

grand sale has started.. my god... a long list of i-want items always follows the arrival of the shopping season.. let me see.. i need a pair of good sneakers.. so i can walk and even run comfortably at the campus.. i love walking around.. so a pair of good shoes is important
then.. erm.. i can't buy anymore bags.. both backpack and handbags... i want.. more clothes.. hehe.. i always try to buy a few only for chinese new year.. but everytime i ended up with.. erm.. enough to wear new clothes every day for the whole chinese new year.. it's so hard to resist the temptation.. especially during sale...

i've been eating a lot this week.. last night we brought fook to blue cafe.. love the fish and chips there.. it's real fish oh.. unlike some places where you can only taste the flour.. at blue cafe there.. you can taste the real fish flesh eh.. then fook ordered tenderloin steak.. my first time eating such a soft steak.. everything is expensive there.. but big enough and delicious enough for the price.. so we tend to go there whenever we can't think anywhere to go.. but not too often though.. not really affordable for us.. next saturday i suggested to bring my mom to millenium for buffet dinner.. it's her birthday on sunday.. i already have in mind what to buy for her.. need to buy it next week.. erm.. but i'm not good at buying electrical appliances... still have to buy... if i'm rich enough.. i'll buy something else.. like.. whole set of skincare product for her.. or a one-week long vacation... that;s my first goal to achieve after i start working.. i can still remember a couple of years ago when she mentioned about joining our relatives to korea but couldn't go due to financial problem.. at that time i wish i had the ability to buy her the ticket and pay for the whole trip.. luckily i can start working in a year or two times.. if i study biomed.. when can i sponsor my mom that ah...

josh is bad.. he laughed when i said the government is giving us a great amount of allowance.. $300 plus.. a lot jua for a student.. we don't have to pay for any school fee.. so that's really a lot.. it's like.. a monthly salary for some shop keepers or cashier... and we're not producing good enough result... i mean.. some of us don't.. although quite a few have really great result..
when i receive allowance from the government.. i feel like it's a must to show them i worth it.. if i go oversea on their scholarship.. i'll feel even more stress out maybe.. still prefer to go on my own expenses...

good luck oh mimi for your presentation.. mama and i plan to go to the library during the mid-semester break to study... join us whenever you can... we'll go in the morning...
oh yeah.. don't forget to send mrs jai an e-card oh.. teachers' day coming soon.. she'll be happy.. send ms tan an sms too.. too bad i don;t have teacher laly's contact number..

*blank*

just finished my logging report.. not really completed though.. still need to insert pictures.. but that has to wait..
most of my recent reports were done at the eleventh hour.. i only started doing it after i came back from aerobics in the morning, rest till i like.. so everytime when i started.. it's already after 2pm.. but surprisingly.. i can finish quite soon.. probably because i'm fully rested so my mind can fully focus... which makes me do my things efficiently..

got 51% for my physical chem test.. haih... 51.. next to fail eh... think this is the first time i got so low mark for chemistry.. the whole class average mark is 22%.. eventhough mama told me i'm the highest in the class.. that isnt comforting at all.. feel bit guilty for getting such awful result.. it's only the first law of thermodynamics.. if i were the lecturer.. i'd have cried...
the only good thing about it, perhaps, is it motivated me for the tutorial this week.. hope this motivation can last till end of the final exam.. i don't want to get any grade below C for any of my chemistry.. even grade C is already low.. if i can only get 51% for physical chem.. what about inorganic chem... i think i understand physical one better..
i wish i could have the whole sem just concentrate on chemistry..

yesterday a small conflict happened in the class.. i wasn't in the class at that time... i don't want to take side.. but i hope both of them are ok now... ganbate

my sis will give birth at any time now.. feel bit excited when think about it.. hope her second child wont be as mischivious as her first daughter.. one devil is enough :p
but my niece is.. so cute.. and so clever.. she picks up things very fast.. like when i told her i just came back from aerobics.. she asked me you fat already ah.. hehe.. she also asked my mom question like why are there 2 holes for the nose... how are we supposed to answer her.. hmm..

everyone is so busy.. don't have time to hang out.. i think i'll just delay all my plans for pampering myself to the mid-semester break.. at least that time the time would be more flexible.. i hope.. i got lots of catch-up readings to do for the break.. but i guess i'll probably take more rest.. so by the time school starts again.. i'm ready to take more challenge hehe..
honestly.. i'm not working hard enough.. i know.. but.. i'm trying my best to find a balance between working hard and enjoying the things i do...

end of week 5

time pass so fast.. feel like i've just started the semester and now we're going to have mid-semester break in 2 weeks time... not really looking forward to it.. not that i'm not tired.. just.. not in the mood for holiday yet..

feel glad that lee shi is doing fine there in calgury... at first i thought i was going to be real sad when lee shi left.. but.. wasn't that bad after all.. guess it's because i've grown up.. plus.. right after sending her off.. i haven't really got the time to settle.. too many erm.. well not that many.. deadlines to meet.. so.. i'm glad that i'm preoccupied by study most of the time..
study is ok... can't say i'm doing well.. but at least i can still cope with it.. but i never stop to wish i could've more time.. since the first week till now.. i feel like my feet are not on the ground.. every day i have a to-do list to follow...

recently.. came across a few occasions and met a few people which... erm.. not very pleasant encounters i would say..
if only everyone is willing to spend a few minutes to listen to others.. to care about others.. everywhere will be a better place..
i begin to wonder maybe i've invited the wrong people to join BEAC.. what's the point in joining when all you want is the certificate.. and complain all the time about the things you have to do... what's so troublesome about doing things that can save the environment.. being busy is not an excuse.. because no one is not busy in the campus.. even the cleaners have their jobs to do..
don't they enjoy the things they do? it's just so hard to understand people who don't think like i do.. but sometimes i think i'm annoyed by them simply because they don't care about the things i really care.. i don't really like the way some people act.. but nothing i can do.. except making sure i don't become one of them..

i love what i'm doing now.. love what i'm studying now.. so no matter how busy or how demanding it is.. i still enjoy it.. now i can really see the importance of interests.. if i don't like bio.. dont like chemistry.. i probably won't give myself any expectation besides graduating on time..

this semester.. i'm bit different.. i can feel it.. i speak up more often.. and when i'm not too tired and busy.. i enjoy helping people around.. love that accompplished feeling after helping others..
probably because of that.. i meet quite a few of new people.. i'm not clicked with all of them... but most of them are very inspiring people.. feel a bit like.. i've opened myself to so many new things in this new semester... and i'm not so afraid to be different from others.. but i know i'm the type of people who get lost easily when experienced too many things.. thank god till now i still manage to make myself to look backward and think what i want at first place.. then decision-making becomes so much simpler..
i love waking up early in the morning.. like.. i can start the day early.. and more time to do stuffs i want and need to do for that day.. i made some adjustments in my time.. so i can wake up every day to say hello to a good day.. i still believe many things can be fun as long as we know how to arrange the right time for it to fit ourselves..
thinking positively can really change a lot of things...

i skipped class before.. in form 6.. and didn't like that feeling.. have to worry all the time what if i get caught.. then also guilty.. i always remember when we're in form 3.. our english teacher was soo upsetted because more than half of the class didn't turn up for her extra class.. all her efforts in preparing for the class was wasted...
yesterday.. only.. maybe a third of the whole class was there for inorganic chemistry.. if i were a lecturer and my students always skip my class.. i'll probably get really sad... but skipping class seems like a trend these days.. i feel so old sometimes.. i can't understand what are the young people thinking.. eventhough i'm just one or two years older than them.. like.. a generation gap between me and them... and i feel bit worried about the class result.. unless those people are really smart.. or else.. the class result won't be good.. some of us attend every lecture and tutorial and still we struggle for the assignment.. what about those who skip classes all the time.. when a group of students not doing well.. it's not only them having to repeat the exam or course.. the lecturer will be affected too right.. just find it unfair that some students always attend physcial chem class but never appear in inorganic chem class...
the standard of students are getting worse year by year... erm.. hope i'm just too pessimistic about it..

hugs to lizzy

lizzy are you ok?? are you very insecure about your life in calgury? *hugs*we can't be there for you all the time.. but the internet is soo advanced now.. you can always post anything you wish to share in your blog or mail us..jason been telling me you can survive well there.. but still i'm worrying.. sometimes will think impulsively that i want to go there with you so i can look after you.. of course you can survive... but.. how long will it take and how much effort will you need.. i always think it's not easy to live in a foreign country.. especially people like us who've been spoiled by the government all the time...actually there are lots of things i wish to tell you.. but.. i knew i'm going to cry once i bring it up.. so.. such a complex feeling.. *hugs* we all are going to miss you..normal days.. i won't feel sad because i just tried to ignore the fact that you're leaving.. only when i don't think deep into it i can go on with life like nothing is going to change..why friends have to fall apart as they grow up..a lot of frustrating things happen in life and some people will say that's life... 'that's life'.. i dislike that sentence sometimes.. because it's just another synonym of giving in to what's happening.. even if you don't like it...should focus more on good things in life...this sem.. i met quite a lot of new people... also some people who have been 'missing'.. like ching.. i almost never see him last 2 sems... and now i almost see him every week.. then.. for the first time if not mistaken.. i'm in the same class with mama.. in ubd i mean.. apart from MIB.. mama is so busy.. her schedule so packed.. but she manages to stay alert during lecture time.. if me.. once i'm tired.. i lose concentration easily.. and lose my temper very fast too.. :pnining mentioned about her friends told her that if want to survive in ubd.. you have to be selfish.. she asked me is it true.. i disagree.. to survive.. need to study hard and smart.. nothing to do with selfishness.. i don't see any connection there.. but i admit to her that i do one selfish thing every sem.. i normally hold a few library book for whole sem.. even if i'm not using them every day.. i still won't return.. because i never know when is the next time i need them.. i know that's not the right way to do... so this semester i start buying textbooks.. but at the same time.. i'm still holding a few library books.. i hope those people who need it.. and don't know who i am.. can request to hold the book through the library system.. for me.. it's ok for the person to hold the book if that person doesn't know i'm the one having the book.. that's the way it should be anyway... erm... but sometimes i'll still feel bit annoyed when i can't have the book.. hehei've signed up for a dancing class.. thinking to learn prom dance.. or jazz.. i love exercising with the music on.. and with a group of people.. so i also attend the aerobic class.. when everyone is exercising around you.. it's really hard for you to stop... that's how i make myself to carry on moving.. aerobic classes are more convenient.. but dancing is still my favourite.. just had one aerobic class this morning.. it's nice to exercise early in the morning.. will make me feel fresh for whole day.. and once i stick to one exercise routine.. i automatically stop worrying about putting on weights.. so fewer things to worry..i think i'm going to choose a 100% fieldwork project next year.. i love going out.. going around.. i can't imagine how bad will i feel if i stay in lab for whole day.. i don't like air-conditional environment.. except on a really hot day.. but still nowadays... i try not to use air-con while driving.. save fuel and more environmental-friendly.. plus i usually feel cold not long after i enter an air-con room.. i prefer natural breeze..goh's sister was there in the aerobic class.. she brought her son the other day.. he looks exactly like goh.. no wonder goh doted on him a lot last time.. this morning met Mrs Chong.. she still looks the same.. just bit more grey hair now... she still remembers me.. remembers my name.. but i lost the biology revision card she gave to me as a gift for getting A in PMB science.. bit guilty.. i think i borrowed it to someone.. but forgot have i taken it back..today i must try to do at least half of the genetic report.. i try to speed up.. but still i'm doing my work according to due dates.. i don't like this way... if i have to rush with assignments.. how can i have a private study time.. hm.. must do something about my time management skill... i'm trying to fix a schedule.. but i need to finish all or at least most of my assignments in order to stick to it... same old problem every semester.. must work hard on getting organized... ganbate~

windy sunday

another sunday.. tomorrow's a holiday... finally have time to take a break.. i keep feeling like.. i need to slow down my step.. life is too busy and fast.. i can't sit down and think about any particular thing i do.. i'm a slow person.. i like taking my time to enjoy things i do..

suddenly.. everyone is talking about lecturers reading students' blogs.. like it's a very big issue..
isn't that a nice thing?? it shows the lecturer really cares about the students.. and i think it's a good way to teach us to be responsible with our words.. i always think a good lecturer or teacher will teach the students more than those in the books.. i don't mind people reading my blogs.. though i still find it awkward to tell people about my blog.. hm... will feel like i'm advertising myself.. the fewer people reading my blog.. the better... i'll feel less restricted that way..
i better don't talk much on this.. because i'm still feeling very self-conscious when talking about it.. not natural at all.. but i won't stop blogging for sure.. this is a way for me to keep in touch with my friends... especially lizzy and mimi... blogging is not a bad thing.. if we use it properly..

last night i heard an unpleasant comment on me... it's so easy to remember a bad comment and to forget a good one.. bad one stays but good ones always fade away... does that mean if i want to make someone remember me.. i should be bad to that person?? :p
i rather let that person forget me...
at first thought i'm strong enough.. erm... i'm not immune yet...
i really like hanging out with my friends... when we get together.. we talk and laugh... when we part.. it's the good memories that's left.. but when those adults got together last night.. what's left today is gossiping.. who is right who is wrong.. who is bad to her husband.. who is fat who is slim... gatherings these days just lose their point of gathering..

today is my niece's birthday.. she's 2 years old now.. getting naughtier every day...

met nining on wednesday... then had lunch with her and suaike and antonia.. antonia said he envy me.. because i'm happy every day... i forgot to tell him i'm happy because i see him.. he's like a cartoon.. cute and adorable.. his laughter is simply infectious..
and it feels nice to get in touch with nining back.. miss her.. good to know she's happy with her darling now...

then i also joined this Brunei Environmental Action Course.. i think it's interesting and helpful.. it teaches us how to be organized, how to make the right decision and improve our communication skills.. through activities about recycling, reducing and reuse..
i hope one day i can work for Brunei Museum.. i'd love to contribute to the conservation of our heritage here in Brunei.. such as Tasek Merimbun.. we went there on thursday with dr charles.. the trip was great.. it's so much different from the trip with dr azman 2 years ago... when we went there the last time, the staffs there treated us like tourists.. but this time.. we're just students who might become researchers one day.. so they told us a lot of useful things.. like the management.. the resources there... then we took a short walk in the forest.. also the boat ride.. the boat ride was cool.. the guide told us about the islands.. saw maroon langurs and macaques.. also birds.. quite a lot of egrets there...i'd love to work there one day.. it's good for the mind and health... who can't be a better person when face with such lovely scene every day right??
i think i know now what project i'll be interested in..
plan to bring my mom there.. because she's never been there..
selfishly.. i hope the government won't open the area for ecotourism.. i really wish the area can be preserved.. one good thing about the management there is they allow the locals there to maintain their traditional life.. they recognized that the traditional life is part of the heritage there... such a peaceful place.. and the fact that tasek merimbun is in the same district as me makes me want to preserve it more..
the trip was such a great experience.. but writing the report brings headache :p
how to write about a trip in a full scientific report format.. :s

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i know sometimes i'm a troublesome people.. i'm too sensitive, especially to people i care.. so i tend to hurt myself with their words or actions.. i'm just thinking too much i guess.. but i never doubt about my ability to get heal and stand up again..
ganbate

good thing that i can take nihongo.. but from yesterday meeting.. i know some erm not-so-nice people are still with us it's obvious that they are not considerate people.. they can't come to the time sensei suggested because they don't want.. not because they can't.. what's wrong with having class at 8am or during lunch time?? if you really want this course, you should be prepared to sacrifice.. for me that's not even considered as sacrifice... i don't believe anyone in ubd will get malnutritious from skipping one meal.. i pity sensei,, which motivates me to maintain my grade A in japanese...

my niece has a small electric organ.. i love playing with it.. my big electric keyboard is not good now.. guess something;s wrong with the switch.. have to fix it soon.. i miss playing it.. especially now there's a lot of new songs.. better find their code out so i can play them... it's a biggest sorry in my life now that i nevr get the chance to learn piano.. i told myself i'll learn it one day when i start working, earning my own money.. it's still not cheap now to learn.. now i'm thinking perhaps what i'm interested is keyboard.. since i love pop music more than classical music..

i'm thinking to join an aerobic class.. so i can stay motivated at sports.. if i pay for it, i'll definitely will go.. despite the tight schedule.. plus my time-table this sem is very empty.. mimi has a really hectic one.. mizah (maizi's sister) too.. so i plan to fill up my emtpy slots with PS.. hope i can do that.. wish me luck.. hehe... it's a beginning of another sem.. so better make it a good beginning.. i just hope i won't forget to allow myself to take a rest or at least..take a few breathes when i'm tired..
it's really pointless to decide what's right or wrong.. because everyone has his/her own idea about what is right and what is wrong.. everyone has her/his own way to live a life... why should i worry at first place that something's wrong with me.. when i don;t have a life like others.. but it's never too late to learn.. since i'm still young.. :)

dehydrated lemon

have you ever felt like you've cracked your head to please someone and turned out that that person doesn't realize or even notice at all?? i'm sure that happens in life very often.. it's such an awful feeling.. it makes me feel as if i'm not-wanted or not-needed.. just like a useless by-product in a chemical reaction.. so what can i do??
i feel disappointed.. feel defeated..
i know what i should do..
Take a deep breath and i tell myself.. it's time to move on.. life still has to go on.. and i know i've tried my best.. if things still don't work.. i should just accept it that way..
give up.. is not because it doesn't matter to me.. it's because it means too much to me.. so i stop asking for more before things turn ugly.. no ending can be relatively a good ending sometimes...

hmm.. started my study foor 4 days... just 4 days and my shoulders start to ache.. i'm getting more and more interested in my study.. i love all the things we learnt, learn and are going to learn.. the first day was hectic.. none of us was told that we're going to have a field practical on monday afternoon... thanks to lim.. who borrowed me her clothes.. but my feet were under great torture.. i was wearing my mom's sandal on that day.. it's just a very bad idea to use sandals to forest.. but what to do.. at least i didnt have to use my baju kurung.. then.. i have a funny schedule this time..
majority of the classes on monday.. so quite big gaps of empty slots on the rest of the week.. good thing for me though.. i can do some private study, i hope, with the free time.. also it'd be easier now for me to join japanese class..
what i love most about this sem is we're going to have lots of field trips.. love going around in a bus... yesterday we went to a few places.. one of them was batu marang.. too bad we didn't get to walk to the water village there.. i still remember the serenity i felt when we're there 2 years ago.. i'm happy with my study now.. and i'm so glad that i switched from biomed to bio science.. though sometimes i feel bit guilty... been hearing people saying how they tried to enter biomed but failed.. even one of my aunts thought i must've failed the courses in biomed that's why i switched.. i can only shrug and turn from those..

i read a small booklet which comes together with this month CLEO.. it was very inspiring.. it reminded me that i can't be perfect but i can always choose to be happy about myself :)

went to miri today.. spent almost B$150.. the money i reserved to buy textbooks actually.. now i really have to use the book allowance for the books.. that is.. if i get to buy them..
bought lots of clothes for fook and eshyn.. went for a body massage.. bought other stuffs too.. noticed that stuffs like instant noodles and juices are more expensive there..

also learnt that it's not always a bad thing to give in to some of my cravings..

last day of holiday

tomorrow morning i'm going to start studying again.. finally~
for the first time eversince i switched to bio science, i have morning class on monday morning..
hope i can do well in this new semester.. must try to get a very satisfying result to make it up for the disappointment from last exam results.. i hope i can always remember this goal till the end of the new semester.. and i do hope i can find a balance between work and study... must must must remember to take a break at least once a week... wish to maintain a good enough figure and health throughout the semester too.. wow.. so many goals..

i bought a new backpack today.. but in the end i decided to stick to my old red backpack.. i still can't accept sporty backpack with skirts or baju kurung.. but now i got a backpack i like to use whenever i go for outdoor activities.. such as hiking.. field trips.. hehe..

had a nice dinner with ms tan and other old ladies last night... i really want to go to the millenium for buffet again.. probably on my mom's birthday.. it's cheaper than RBC yet the food is nicer.. and my mom likes spicy food.. if the menu will be more or less the same.. it'd be perfect..
ms tan is one of the best teachers i ever had.. it's easy to talk to her because she's open-minded and understands us young people well.. too bad it's hard now to keep in touch with Mrs Laly.. probably i don't have that strong determination to contact her yet.. or else it should be easy to go to her.. we live in the same district, same kampong, along the same road..

tomorrow i'm bringing my own lunch.. wish i can start developing this habit.. easier to control my weight that way.. also my health.. plus for the sake of my taste bud too..
forgot to tell mimi that the japanese textbook is out... i was interrupted last night when i wanted to tell her..

ok~ good night.. and all the best to all of us in this new semester... ganbate kudasai~

yesterday wasn't a good day for me.. but before i went to bed.. everything's settled.. just a minor miscommunication.. thanks to espeed 2 (in a sarcastic tone + rolling my eyes)

going to the mall later.. siao wanted to go for reflexology.. mom wanted to go to the diamond and platinum. my aunt said got nice white gold there.. as for me.. probably body shop.. hehe.. i just can't help to be naughty when i have spare money :p then before we come back.. we'll go to jpmc.. betty is going to give birth today.. i hope.. she hopes too.. it's the valentine's day in the chinese calendar..

i guess that's the main difference between me and some of my friends.. i never look forward to challenge.. i never look forward to leave brunei.. not even living outside tutong.. for me.. the place where i grow up is the place where i'm most familiar with.. i need the familiarity to assure me.. i feel very insecure at a new place.. let along surrounded by people i don't know well.. as long as i have my family and close friends and also my love in my life.. that's enough.. i dont like changes.. sometimes i complain about the boredom of routine.. but without the routine.. i feel lost.. occasionally i'll think of exploring the world.. sometimes alone.. but most of the time.. i'm fine with staying here in brunei and just listen to my friends' adventures..
erm.. my ambition is just different from most people i know..

i saw a backpack last night at bismi.. erm.. i don't need another new backpack but if i can have it.. it'd bring me convenience as a school bag.. to buy or not.. oohh.. i just simply like such kind of dilemma.. haha

i started to feel excited for my sis's second child.. she's giving birth in october.. my family is going to have another baby.. oh my god!!
but when i think of having my own baby now.. i want to run away.. i see that as a burden now..
feel bit hungry now.. wonder should i buy DQ blizzard later.. maybe no.. i didn't exercise yesterday.. today don't think have chance.. having tuition tonight.. hmm.. well.. we'll see

lately i'm into aromatherapy.. and i'm very keen to try rose and lavender.. too bad my skin is quite sensitive.. get skin problem easily whenever i change new body shampoo.. so now i just have to stick to dettol.. those anti-bacterial body shampoo always make me feel extra clean..
i'm thinking to try the lavender bathing foam.. or the rose body mist of body shop.. it's the only place i can think of whenever i think of essential oils and aroma stuffs.. i trust the quality there..
the body shop products always appeal to me.. but everytime i'm holding back by the price.. and not many people around me use their products.. this time.. i'm thinking to give it a try.. just buy one product first.. maybe the body mist.. since it's more convenient than the bath foam..

i have spare money now.. which tempting me to go shopping.. but cannot.. cannot cannot.. i need to invest on some books to teach tuition.. also i plan to buy textbooks starting this sem.. better save first.. just reward myself with the rose body mist.. for saving hard and succeeding in keeping in shape durin the vacation haha..

lee shi.. i'm going to miss you.. thank god you're leaving at this time.. not right after form 6.. because i think now i can cope better with it.. i've grown up now i guess.. can take things like that better.. if i send you off at airport.. i'm going to cry... probably can't even talk..

i reformatted my pc.. lost a few people's blog address.. hmm.. all i remember to back up is my songs and tuition stuffs.. hmm..

midnight..

i'm supposed to be in my dream now.. have to go to bk udal for tuition tomorrow morning.. or should i say later.. i'm a morning person.. and am never night person.. i'll feel heavy-hearted if i don't get enough sleep..

lee shi.. were you there just now at the basketball court? i didn't see you... met bee and her guy.. they are so sweet.. can't stop chit-chatting..

nining sms me last night.. miss that girl.. but she's always busy to meet up with me.. entering uni this coming semester.. finally she can be in the same school with her darling again.. happy for her..

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ok.. not in the right mood to post anything.. but wish to type something.. i just thought i could just spit everything out here... but turned out that.. i can't.. probably hand-written journal suits me better.. since that's the only place i can convince myself it's safe to tell..

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don't worry lizzy... you'll find the way to live with the odds there.. who knows the others will turn out to be helpful.. they probably have thought about the things you're thinking now...
you're always more capable than me.. if i can take care of my house all my myself for the past few days when my mom was not around.. you can too..
i suggest you bring hand cream, heels balm and sun-block with you.. must bring moisturizing body lotion oh.. the atmosphere there should be dry...right??
plus.. if anything.. just email us or mention in your blog.... i once emailed swait zin recipe oh.. wonder if he remember..

mizah.. the facial there is $35 for the normal one.. might charge more if you go for treatment..

on a hot day.. sitting in an air-con room updating my blog is a very comfortable experience..
my new maid is here.. finally.. my mom and i both gave a sigh of relief when we knew she's coming..
hm.. wish to go for a facial treatment now... but.. see lah.. if i have spare money...
my niece's birthday is coming soon.. and my mom's one will be coming soon too..

...

mizah.. at destress there.. they charge $28 for 70 minutes.. but i'm usually taking the 5-times packages..$100 for 5 times.. and the duration of that package will never get expired.. like i had my first time last year august.. and until now i haven't gone for my fifth time.. but i don't have to worry.. my beautician there told me before at destress.. there's no such thing as expiry..
i do my facial treatment there too.. it's the only beauty saloon in Brunei where my skincare product (Murad) is sold..

did i mention i saw murad advertisement in FEMALE this month?? i felt soo proud when i saw it...

the next semester is beginning soon... can't wait for that..

i watched pirates of the carribeans last night.. it's soo funny.. i like Jack Sparrow.. he's witty..

i believe swait zin is back in Queensland now.. hehe.. eh swait zin.. my principle for saving money is.. sedikit sedikit, lama lama, jadi bukit :p

been a while..

bon voyage swait zin.. didn't reply because i'm saving my phone credit :p
all the best too..

mizah.. sorry for late reply.. i normally go Destress bodyworks for massage.. i like it there.. maybe i'm more familiar with the staffs there.. do my facial there too... i usually go to the branch near Liang Toon.. because fewer cars there.. sometimes i'll go to the one at the mall.. more expensive there though.. but the good thing is the staffs at the mall there concentrate more on legs.. which is the part i have most difficulty to slim down..

lizzy.. it's so in now to use flower on hair.. too bad i don't know how to set that kind of hair style..

last weekend.. was very chaotic for me.. it's my first time looking after my house without the help of a maid.. it was hectic.. furthermore.. my uncle came here from labuan.. made me couldnt avoid to prepare proper meals..
that weekend was like telling me i should help my mom more often with the household chores..
and proved that i'm right.. when it comes to a house.. small is always better.. especially for family like us.. not many people living in this house..
i can't remember when was the last time when i don't have anything on my to-do list.. *sniff *sniff

i need to control my spending now.. or i'll get serious financial problems.. i'm proud when i'm the only child who doesn't ask for money from my parents.. i like to keep this fact as fact..

...

watched superman returns last night.. a movie worth watching.. wasn't as boring as i first thought.. strictly speaking.. this is my first superman movie.. i never watch any of the old superman or batman.. just not interested in those heroes movies.. but this one is nice.. because not very violent.. bit funny..
last time when we had lunch with swait zin.. me and lizzy thought batman will make the best husband choice out of him, superman and spiderman.. for me.. it's simply because batman is the richest of all.. but now i think superman will be my choice.. because he is always around.. the presence of my lover really matters a lot..

wish to go for a body massage.. i'm just so used to having a massage once in a while..

i start to have little bit of cash in my wallet.. which tempts me a lot to start spending..

heard from suaike that nining is entering uni this august.. hope we can have more time hanging out with each other by then.. but it's not easy to predict i guess..

hi hi

thanks lizzy.. jason did tell me about you asked him what time was the speech contest.. he told me last night... also.. thanks lizzy for your encouragement oh.. you're the one who told me i should join.. *hugs* love you soo much
thanks mimi too for sms-ing me yesterday morning..

the speech contest was a great experience.. i didn't win any of the first 3 positions.. ya hui got the first prize for our beginner;s level.. the second one is from the MOE.. then third place is Mizah (maizi's sister).. the first prize for the advance level went to one of the B.Ed students.. she won the trip to japan.. envy her so much..but i think she's not as good as ya hui... ya hui's speech was sooo lively and natural.. it's without doubt she got the first prize.. everyone.. including audience think she's the one.. as for me.. i think my content was bit boring when compare to others..
the moment i went on stage.. i wasn't nervous.. felt great to talk on stage.. it's when i came down from the stage my legs felt weak and my hands were shaky.. but overall.. a very exciting experience... and i love myself for having that gut to go on stage.. and not feeling upset when i don't win any prize...
the japanese people are sooo thoughtful.. eventhough we don't win any prizes.. we still got gifts for participation.. and also a trophy for each participant.. it's like.. i can easily lie to people that i won by showing them my trophy and gifts..
they give us a dictionary, a book about japan, 3 pencils and 5 very cute-drawing bookmarks..
i heard that eventhough ester didn't get through the pre-selection.. she'll get gifts and certificate like us too... so nice of the people in charge..
wish i could join again next year.. wish i could join for the advance level and my goal will be that trip to japan..haha.. big wish...
sensei was obviously overjoyed.. because both first prize winners are from UBD...we're all so proud of it..hehe.. and one good thing about this speech contest is.. we normally didn't talk to each other much when in class.. but yesterday.. we had a nice time eating together after the speech contest.. we as in me, mizah, khairul, yusri and another guy who i forgot his name..

during the event.. there was a erm.. look like an assisstant photographer.. noi's sister said he resembles jay zhou.. yeah true.. but jay zhou is far better looking.. that photographer erm.. well.. better just to see him at a distance..

the certificate i got is bit too big for my folder.. guess i'll laminate it (hehe) so it won't get ruined..
my mom suggested framing it since i'm the only one in our life who takes part in this kind of thing... but nah.. i'll frame it if it were first, second or third place.. this is just participation.. so just laminate it..

finally i can really enjoy my holiday.. don't have to keep going back to uni...
but i'm supposed to get my invitation letter from sensei tomorrow.. we participants are invited to japanese art exhibition opening ceremony at rizqun this friday.. too bad i can't go..
my mom and fook going to kl this friday.. we're sending them off to miri airport this friday..
haih.. wish i could go..i knew it's going to be fun to hang out with them..especially with ya hui around...
mimi are you invited too?? because our invitation card is from the BJFA..

that's my last weekend.. worth remembering..

this weekend.. going to be home alone... so people.. don't come at night suddenly.. i'd be frightened.. :P
this time i'm going to be sooo alone.. because we dont have any maid here yet.. oh my god~

oh yeah.. my car is back~~ finally... but that also means have to spend a great deal of money..
nevermind.. as long as my car is healthy again..

i want to tell girls who mind about their bulging tummy too much.. it's natural for us girls to have fats there.. it's a way to protect our ovaries from external shock...
tummy area is seldom my problem area.. my legs are big enough to draw attention away from my tummy.. :p

last night i got sore from my forehead to my nape and then my shoulders.. it was sooo unbearable... till it brought out my tears.. but the night ended up in a sweet way hehe *wink*
my mom said it's probably because i'm too 'heaty' inside.. not enough rest maybe..

bad day

i feel big today.. maybe because i wore the wrong shirt or maybe because i had heavy meals towards late afternoon.. and this feeling makes my whole day darker..

the speech contest is coming soon... day after tomorrow.. i feel nervous when i think of it.. tomorrow i'm going for my last practice.. wonder will i shiver when i'm on stage..

quite a lot of people fall sick these days.. one of my students didnt turn up for tuition twice due to severe coughing.. my throat is a bit dry too.. i should remember to take cough syrup later or tomorrow.. just in case i can't have my normal voice on sunday..

i'm cravings for ice-cream.. and popcorns.. i still prefer DQ ice-cream.. rather than the swenson's one.. maybe because i didn't try more than a few types of ice-cream at swenson.. but.. so far.. no any other ice-cream can beat DQ blizzard..

worldcup is ending soon.. a good news for me.. so won't have to hear any more news about people commiting suicide or go bankrupt..

sometimes i wonder.. is bio really the field i'd like to work in.. it just seems that i'm more interested in beauty cares.. i'll never get bored of reading about skincare products.. beauty tips..

this week i spent too much.. but worth investing in those books.. they'll be handy for my tuition..
have to save more so i can buy one or two more magazines this month..

thanks people

i feel bit touched.. when josh and mimi knew about my speech contest on this sunday.. they both said they'd try to come.. thanks people *hugs*
i just knew it i can count on you guys at any time.. love you guys soooo soooo much

talking about the pre-selection.. i was nervous at first.. making a minor mistake in the first part.. but after the mistake.. i told myself i couldnt get anything wrong.. just concentrate.. and it worked.. i felt natural to give the speech.. reminded me back to the singing contest i joined a few years ago.. like.. very nervous when going on stage.. but after singing.. reluctant to leave the stage.. hehe.. i hope i can do well too in the real speech contest.. just try to remind myself i'm not aiming for any prizes.. just want to get the experience..

they said.. if get caught with tuition without any license.. would be fined $50,000..
meaning.. i'm commiting a crime now.. doing something against the law.. but.. how to stop tuition now.. i heard it's because some private tuition teachers didn't do their job well so their students complained to the MOE.. sounds a bit impractical to me though.. i'm a serious person... so i take my tuition ob seriously.. i'll feel guilty if my students don't improve.. feel annoyed if my students can't understand what i'm teaching.. all because it's my job and they pay me for this.. furthermore right at the beginning.. i started giving tuition because the parent asked me to help.. and by helping them i can get money.. though i already had enough to use..
siao told me someone commented that i'm doing too much and get too little pay..
money is important but it's never a top priority.. plus i think i learnt a lot from my students..
well.. as long as i know what i'm doing..
when i earn more.. i spend more :p

going to school tomorrow.. i borrowed oliver twist from the library but i just started to flip on it last night.. and the returning date is tomorrow.. i guess it's hard to change my interest.. but i just wish to read more on the english so i can teach english better.. a subject which i'm not confident with.. but good thing is.. i read english magazine every month.. that helps too right..

my new finance strategy.. saving at least $100 every month.. that should be a piece of cake for me.. hopefully by the time i graduate.. before i start working.. i have enough money for me to go for a tour in some countries.. such as taiwan..
a good habit of me is.. i only spend the money when i'm sure that i still have some in my account after using that money..

sunday

this morning when i was still sleeping.. josh called.. inviting me to his place for his sis's wedding.. very last minute invitation.. i managed to go there on time.. but i think i didn't dress up to the occassion.. too simple outfits.. but that's the best i can with regard to the amount of time i had..

there's a lot of procedures before i sleep every night and after i wake up every morning.. but i'm enjoying it.. i wish to be still pleasant-looking and healthy at old age.. so i have to start taking good care of myself now.. young is not a good excuse to skip all that..

miss school.. wish to start studying as soon as possible.. but i miss my secondary years the most.. guess now i really appreciate the goodness of school uniform..

if i can hire a servant.. i'd hire a driver now.. i'm so lazy to drive..lazy to go out.. the sun is not friendly to me at all..

-

Happy birthday to you, swait zin.. hm.. 21 yrs old now.. don't be too grateful to me for remembering your birthday.. if you want to thank.. thank yourself and friendster.. yourself to turning on the birthday reminder and friendster for this service.. :p
bet you're enjoying now...

i recevied call from sensei.. next sunday morning i'm going to have the stage at one of the rooms in IPA for roughly 3 minutes.. hehe..yup.. i've made it through the pre-selection.. now i'm one of the 6 representatives for elementery level.. ganbate

i'm craving for portugal egg tart these days.. couldn't find it at Mom just now.. so satisfied myself with the chicken quichie.. wish to eat long noodles like ramen..

trying to change some of my sitting postures.. i like to sit with my legs crossed.. guess that's one of the reasons why my legs are huge.. didn't get to jog yesterday due to bad weather.. hope tomorrow the weather is cooperative.. i need to jog..

my niece is getting naughtier now.. she learns things too fast.. now she knows how to say 'yo! yo!' in a hip hop way.. thanks to me and my brother fook.. hehe..

*blank*

my dad bought the massage belt like the one advertised on tv.. the one in the tv is OSIM but ours is Cosway.. i tried it.. wonder will it help to slim down my enormous calf muscles..

i'm saving up for my hair.. but i wish to go to any grocery stores.. i love shopping at hua ho because they always have large area for food.. all kinds of food.. instant noodles.. drinks.. vegies.. cereals.. everything we need at home..

football is a sport.. sports tend to make people healthy and happy.. world cup is supposed to be an entertainment for everyone throughout the world.. so far.. i've heard a few people lost a few thousands dollars on betting.. kids have been losing money and parents have been paying their kids' debts... world cup.. makes people insane.. if the people cannot resist the temptation..

i'm recovering.. something to be happy about.. but i've been eating more than usual this week so far.. excluding monday.. better stop.. or else 10 massage belts can't help me too :p

happy or not

this week i found out one thing from my observation.. a lot of people in my life complains about their life almost on a daily basis.. i really don't know why.. for some people.. they chose their own partner.. they chose their own pathway for life.. yet they end up miserable..
i've seen the marriage of my parents.. a wife who keeps whining about her husband.. a man who is so isolated when at home.. a big family that has lots of conflicts.. a mother struggles for money.. a guy who never gets enough of money.. so discouraging..
looking at them.. makes me wonder what makes a person happy.. is happiness that hard to achieve?? or is it that hard to be content with your life??
from what i see.. some of them can actually be happier if they appreciate what they already have.. and i wonder am i just one of them..
i don't want that to happen.. i want to be able to feel and cherish everything i have in my life.. because i'm already blessed enough to be borned here in brunei.. if i were borned elsewhere.. i'm sure i wouldn't have such a peaceful and easy-taking life..

lizzy.. did you receive my sms.. no reply from you.. i'll sms you again about tomorrow's trip to the mall for a movie with mimi them.. my car's broke down but i can use my dad's vitara.. which mean i have no problem with transport and time.. i can come back early alone if they want to stay for longer time.. i got tuition at night at 7... but now.. i have problem with money..
plan to save up for the coming 2 weeks so i can dye my hair.. i'm trying not to touch my monthly allowance.. so i can top up my account balance faster.. miss the time when i have more money than now.. but at least i'm able to survive without asking for money from my mom.. ganbate

and yup.. my topic is about my family and i..

:)

thanks people... i always know i'm not alone..
since i was able to mention it in my previous post.. it simply shows that i've got over it.. erm.. well maybe not the part about going out alone with lizzy.. but that's ok.. i might worry a lot before we meet but when we meet.. unless i really don't have anything to say and feel awkward with the silence.. most of the time i'm feeling like normal..
*hugs* to everyone who read my blog..

it's raining now.. and my car is sick.. need to be sent to the workshop.. :( i feel handicapped without my car.. eventhough i don't like driving

i've been telling lies recently.. even if i'll call them white lies...a lie is still a lie.. and it's not a good thing to lie.. and i'm not lying for myself.. but that's not a good excuse for me..
lately.. i'm not very happy with myself.. i never think i'm a nice person.. but at least i don't feel annoyed with myself.. but now.. i'm a bit frustrated with my thoughts and my behaviours.. if a person doesn't like herself.. that's mean there's a problem with her..
i just don't like myself for being selfish and grumpy.. i wonder is this self-dislikeness the reason why i'm not quite happy with my life.. probably i need a meditation or something.. or maybe it's because i'm struggling with money now.. hehe.. no matter what.. i'll get over it..slow and steady.. i want to be loved.. so the first thing to do is to love myself..
i'm being extremely lazy these days.. but the funny thing is i can't just lie down and do nothing.. or else i'll get annoyed.. as for going out.. i still prefer to stay at home.. of course i love hanging out with friends.. but most of the time i like to be at home.. there are lots of things i can do at home.. watch favourite tv shows.. exercise.. steam my hair.. have a simple foot spa.. eating and drinking.. i think my laziness is drowning me soon..

the pre-selection for nihongo no speech contest is coming kin yobi.. ni ji han
yeah the speech contest is on the 9th.. 2 weeks from now.. watashi no topic wa watashi no kazoku to watashi ni tsu e te desu :)

idle..

feel like.. everyone has something to be busy about.. except me..
i don't hang out with friends.. don't watch football.. my pockets not full enough for shopping trips.. yet i don't have much free time..
now the only thing that i'm feeling good about is keeping fit.. which i don't have a lot of friends to share this interest with..
wish to go labuan.. but the time is not appropriate.. don't want to postpone my tuition for my own pleassures..

so soon the normal schools are reopening.. but i still have to wait for more than a month to study..
thank god i have the japanese speech contest to keep my mind occupied for some time..

went to kuala lulah today.. my first time.. the bbq chickens wings looked yummy.. but there were too many of them there.. sold by several stalls.. which made my stomach feel stuffed just by looking at them.. but i bought some bananas and one buah sukun from a nice old lady.. and i only realized it's actually more economical if i pay everything in RM after i got into the car..

come to think of it... i have had some friendship crisis ever since i entered uni.. sometimes i blame it on others.. but most of the time i know it's partly my own fault.. i always think true friends stay.. no matter what.. but i forgot that not everyone thinks it this way.. the society keeps changing.. people too.. no one will always stay the same.. but memories stay so i have lots of nice ones to keep me going.. at the time i felt left out.. i asked myself have i done the same to someone or some people too?? there are some friends i deliberately left out.. just to make sure i have enough time for my study and people who are more important in my life.. so i guess if i ever felt neglected.. i shouldn't complain much..
i always think..what i don't do to others.. i don't expect others to do that to me.. but the irony is.. how can i be sure that i don't do it to others??
like many people.. i use a magnifying glass to look at my weaknesses which i can accept.. but i'm blinded to those i don't feel fine with..
i always try to be cheerful.. but deep down i'm more of a pessimistic person.. the good side of it is i'm always preparing for the worse..though not the worst..
and i'll always remember that i have lots of good friends who will never forget me..
sometimes i wonder am i subconsciously try to keep a distance from lizzy.. so i won't cry that bad when she's leaving.. or.. is that just a way to comfort myself about the fact that we don't click like before.. i love going out with my bunch of girlfriends.. but going out with lizzy alone now doesn't feel natural.. i feel bit pressurized with the silence between us.. maybe because i'll keep comparing the time we spend with the time she spend with nisa.. for me.. when they're together.. there's always laughters and they understand each other's jokes so well.. as for me.. i don't have much to say about the things they talk.. that's why most of the time i'm quiet when with them.. but that's not because i'm bored.. i felt comfortable by just listening to them.. but i wonder will they misunderstand that as i'm bored..
i'm sorry lizzy.. you said before you don't like to be observed by people.. but.. when your conversation is the only sound in the surrounding.. it's hard not to notice what's in your conversation..

i've been keeping too much things inside me this year.. sometimes they are just too unpleasant for me to mention.. sometimes i don't think i should mention in case i get on someone's nerve..
so.. in the end.. i got somewhat like a mental break-down.. i cried a few times in a very hard way just to get over the stress.. it's not good to my mental health at all.. because the more i suppress myself.. the more tendency i keep all the negative thoughts to myself.. to avoid making people angry.. i end up angry with myself inside me.. i consider myself very silly actually.. trying all my best to keep a beautiful surface.. even if it's rotten inside.. of course things are not as bad as rotten stuffs.. just.. sometimes i wish i could be more straightforward.. because when i don't keep swallowing the negative thoughts.. i feel happier and.. a better me...

tired tired

i'm too depriving of sleep i guess.. feel very tired.. and i can fall asleep within minutes..

there's a saying in chinese.. you can't make a sound with just one palm..

the pre-selection for the japanese speech contest is next friday.. wonder will i be nervous.. i wonder if there's any chinese speech contest.. after all.. chinese is my strongest language.. it's a language which i can just improve even without trying to learn.. also the language i have most feelings with..

wonder if the hydrating mask is too hydrating.. got a new pimple on my chin.. going to experiment another time to see if it's that case.. going for facial treatment this weekend.. can't wait for that..

the rainy season is here.. it's raining almost every night.. i don't like rainy nights..

wish to travel with flights eh.. but i guess i wont have the chance soon.. because of budget problem..

tiring but fruitful

went to miri just now after my tuition.. my legs are tired now.. can't wait to lift them up..
going to try the new hydrating mask i bought just now..also the aloe vera gel on my pimple.. spent most my money at cosway just now..
i'm saving up.. in a spontaneous way.. i just won't buy anything which won't help me with my skin condition, health condition and body-shaping now.. of course i still face a great challenge when i pass by the clothing and shoes and bags sections.. but i'm able to hold myself back.. the price tags on the items help me a lot too..
going to withdraw cash for my facial treatment.. need to save up since my money is vanishing at high speed... plus i'm planning to buy textbooks next sem.. instead of just photocopying..

swait zin.. of course we should meet up ah when you come back.. there's a new japanese restaurant in gadong...shushite.. we can go there to try.. good to see a friend once in a while.. so i can tell if there's any difference in you..

went to uni several times but i didn't check my overall grade.. not so anxious about it anymore.. since knowing it or not wouldn't help to pull up my grade Cs...so let it be..

yesterday at bk udal.. there was a car accident.. a car hit right at the metal of the bridge near my grandma's place.. surprisingly.. i was brave enough to look straight at the bleeding kid.. at that moment.. i was tempted to cry.. the kids looked so kasian.. i suggested using my car to send them to the hospital..since the ambulance was so slow.. but i was stopped by my aunt and grandpa.. some people are just too afraid to get involved with the police.. i hated myself for not knowing any of the emergency rescue.. the ridiculous part is.. the towing car from workshop arrived earlier than the bomba..
i was actually quite disappointed with our public services.. but last night.. i felt more comforted when the water supply came at midnight.. i hope that indicates that the JKR people worked till that late just to assure all households' water supply was resumed..
i get restless when there's no water supply.. i can't imagine what will happen to me if one day brunei runs out of fresh water *touchwood

lizzy *hugs*

another week

i miss school.. miss the time when my mind is occupied with study and assignments..

went to jibah's wedding yesterday.. she was sooo pretty... one of the prettiest malay brides i've ever seen.. not that i've seen all the brides for those malay weddings i attended.. when i was young.. i used to represent my dad to attend weddings.. most of the time.. i don't know who were the newly weds at all.. all i knew was.. it's a time for me to indulge in those expensive delicacies.. last year.. when i went to labuan for a relative's wedding.. i realized i've been so lucky.. those things like abalone and sharks' fins.. i've been eating them several times a year since young.. but for my cousin back in labuan... some of them have never tasted any of those before.. till then i know i should be grateful..

at the wedding.. the temperature was high.. the weather was too fine.. lots of guests..
i couldn't stop thinking about what kind of wedding i want..
i won't like to have a grand celebration.. prefer a small gathering with my close relatives and friends.. i dont need the whole world to know i'm married.. sharing the happiness with those people who i'm close with is perfect enough.. plus.. a grand ceremony will leave me with no time to hang out with my guests..

wish to have my own cafe one day.. i'll see those snacks or food which can make a person looks better and healthier..

i'm incredibly emotional these days.. cry easily.. yesterday i had the urge to drop tears during the 'foot-washing' ceremony at the wedding... i wasn't sad at all..i was feeling happy for jibah.. yet i wished to cry..

went for a traditional urut yesterday.. the haji advised me to cut down on cold drinks and spicy food.. i never know my body has that much problem..

soccer fever..exam results

i'm very disappointed with my results honestly...so disappointed that i don't even want to mention it.. i got A for my japanese, C for english, plant taxo, plant physio and animal bio and D for computer... going to see my overall grade tomorrow when i go to ubd.. i know.. at least i don't get any E, no sup no U for me..but.. i wished to get a B for my overall grade..and i don't see any hope with that.. it's just soo discouraging.. all my bio courses are C... can i only reach tht grade? is that my best?? this is the time when i regretted so much for studying at last minute..
well...on the brighter side, i'm not giving up yet...i refuse to think C is the best grade i can get for my bio... i know it's the matter of effort i put in my study.. let's hope..my determination for studying hard will last till end of next sem... or even better, till i graduate..
haih... need to remind myself constantly to work hard...
i'm thinking for a new strategy which can allow me have time for study, relax and family/friends..

lizzy..don't force yourself to be cheerful when you don't feel so.. mimi passed all her courses.. but anna need to sit for one supplementary exam...
anyone is happy with his/her result?? ohh i guess i don't want to know..

i feel lazy to talk.. i'm feeling ugly now.. wish to hide away from everyone.. wish to go for a vacation to lighten my mood.. but not labuan.. when go to labuan.. it's more going back to one of my homes.. wish to have that vacation feel..

good news.. i bought myself a pair of new heels.. it's green.. my stuffs are getting colourful.. i like to play with colours these days.. then i just steamed my hair..quite soft now.. but not as nice as when i did it at the hair saloon.. of course..
wanna try that DIY slimming scrub.. but not enough time just now.. maybe later or tomorrow..

everyone is watching and talking about football.. everyone in my family exclude me.. feel a bit out of place hmm... i never learn how to enjoy that sport.. any sports in fact..i guess

tired

feel as if i didnt have chance to take a break for the past few days...longing for a vacation now..
actually..as long as i can travel with flights...i don't mind even if the destination is as near as miri..

if anyone ask me what do i like to eat now...i guess i'll probably answer..any food that can make me slim and healthy..or have smooth skin...but at the moment..my favourite food is bittergourd...can't have enough of it..

this morning..when mama sms me...i was still in my sleep...just..don't have interest to play badminton now..plus i slept very late last night

i went to miri yesterday...was so excited to go there...but the trip wasn't very productive..didnt get to buy much...i spent less than half of B$150 oh...it was soo painful to see soooooo many nice clothes, cheap too...yet can't buy them...because i need to spend my money on elsewhere..

nichi-yoobi and dear's back

finally he's back :)

had a nice time just now at the beach with my bestfriends..tomorrow is anna's birthday and she celebrated it in advance...didn't buy her any gift.just a card...because i don't really know what does she like..and..honestly...it shows more sincerity from me when it's a card...if it's a gift, i might give in to the low price...which i don't like this idea..
since last year i think...i began to like greeting cards...like..i finally understand the meaning behind it...in my own way probably..

i feel pity for my skin...been exposing it to the sun for whole day...i did apply sun-block but still i believe the best way to protect my skin is stay away from the sun, especially if i want to have fair skin..
shoulld've got after-sun spray or lotion ready...but..it's not that bad after all...i tried my best to avoid the sun just now...plus..it wouldnt feel like a beach without the sun...

i left earlier just now...because i needed to jog...erm..ok..should be i wanted to jog..didn't get to jog on thursday due to the rain...hence i insisted on jogging today...

i found that even with my best girlfriends..i still prefer to listen to their conversation and laugh with them...it felt peaceful and nice when i just relax my body and listen to them talking and joking...
one of my ex-classmates is getting marry in a week time...so nice...i wish to marry too but now it's not a good time yet..

hm..have to wait another week to do my facial treatment...i'm so in love with those SPA treatments now..of course i normally do them separately...because i'm still young..so a lot of the things i can just DIY..

wish tomorrow i have the chance to go miri...it's a bit disappointing when i keep seeing and hearing people around me travel to here and there but i just stay in brunei...the only place i can go alone...is labuan...i like to go there...but the price to pay is the extra pounds i'll be gaining..

:)
i feel glad...like..i'm knowing myself better now...i know what kind of clothes is suitable for me..what kind o shoes i really need..everything i buy...hm..well almost all of them are things i really need...or things which can make me feel good...
at this age of time..people pay to feel better..